Men’s poker or other groups - Monsey

amother

↑ DarkGray ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 2:04 am

amother [ Buttercup ] wrote:

no, I’m pointing out that just because some of us got used to the idea, does not mean that it’s ok. It’s fine to relax and have a good time. But as frum Jews we should have standards.
And if we don’t, if our yiddishkeit is about appearances and the surface we have a serious chinuch problem. As a society, we’ve missed the boat. (And this is without me throwing around Chazals and halachos)

What about standards about how we treat each other? Are you seriously making a big deal over a game? There is no excuse for your nastiness it’s definitely not in line with the Torah or the type of middos Jews are supposed to have.

amother

Purple ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 3:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why the judgement? If you don’t have anything helpful to add why respond? I specifically said I am not looking for high roller games. They play with small money. I don’t see that a guy isn’t entitled to spend a couple dollars a week for a few hours of fun amongst other frum Jewish men. No different than what is ladies spend money on whether it’s a manicure or ice coffee or purchased lunch or anything for they matter.

Gambling is not like getting a manicure or iced coffee. Chazal were clearly opposed. While some allow betting when there's no skill or money involved, it would be hard to find a posek who allows playing poker for money.

Better to join a sports team. (But don't bet on the games.)

amother

Apricot ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 4:18 am

I’m from Lakewood
My son is not a learner
He’s an upper teen
His friends started playing poker with chips
I’m naïve. He asked me to buy him the game in a nice case. I looked all around Lakewood but couldn’t find.
It took me a while to realize that none of the stores sell poker because it’s not approved due to the gambling aspect I guess.
I had no idea. I thought it was like buying chess.
I ended up buying it for him at Walmart.
I’m okay with him playing because it’s better than him doing many other things.
I would not be okay if my husband wasted his time with this but BH that’s not even an issue.
When op married her husband she was aware of what type he is. She obviously knew he would not be spending his free time learning and was okay with that.
I think it’s nice that op is trying to help her husband out here.
No need to comment on a lifestyle you don’t want for yourself. There are all different types out there. As long as people are nice and have yiras shamayim you should let them live.

amother

↑ Purple

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 4:46 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

It's one thing to make compromises as part of a chinuch strategy. It's something else for an adult to behave in a way that is halachically problematic (having nothing to do with whether it wastes time). And it's a whole other level for dubious behavior to be a community norm.

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:37 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

So skip the part that he wants to play poker and tell her where her husband can go for some fun activities. You must be from monsey if you opened this thread. I’m not so I can’t offer advice. Op wants her husband to meet other men. Perhaps you can suggest an inspirational shiur or a place he can swim?

amother

↑ Bergamot ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:49 am

amother [ Buttercup ] wrote:

for people so concerned with LOOKING Jewish, you’d think they’d spare a concern for ACTING Jewish.

They're acting jewish, don't worry. I don't know how you're getting the idea that not.
Maybe start working on your own acting jewish.

amother

↑ Bergamot ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:51 am

amother [ Buttercup ] wrote:

I'm scratching my head at your small mindedness. They're frum jews that take their yiddishkeit seriously and just want to chill and relax. Your way of yiddishkeit and frumkeit is not the ultimate way. Stop preaching and live and let live. OP didn't ask for criticism or a hashkafa shuir. If you don't have advice for her, just move on.

amother

↑ Bergamot ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:54 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

It's not a community norm. It's the first time I'm hearing of poker groups. There probably isn't such a thing, but OP didn't know how to express herself. There's for sure not official groups for the public.

amother

NeonBlue

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 8:04 am

My grandparents, who were frum, played poker. The idea was to play a game with some friends. Stakes were some toothpicks, or very little money.

I think there's a big difference between a high rolling game, where people are gambling to win money, and a small game, where the idea is really just to find a way to spend time together. They aren't the same and they don't play the same either.

amother

↑ Eggplant ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 8:05 am

amother [ Bergamot ] wrote:

It’s a thing it’s not a thing for the public it’s 10-12 guys that this is how they socialize and there are many such groups.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:26 am

My husband has a shiur every morning before work and every night for two hours. He needs an outlet one night a week. Why do you all assume my husband is a lowlife because he enjoys the challenge of a poker game played with small change? I am proud of my husband who works hard, loves to learn, Is a great husband and father. I want him to have an outlet and I see he needs it so sue me. Not sure why I’m even defending myself here to some of you who can’t just answer a question that’s asked without sending off baseless comments

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:28 am

amother [ NeonBlue ] wrote:

exactly this. I am aware of a high roller group but this is not for us. I specifically asked for a non high roller game. It’s a way for frum men to socialize. Sort of like game night. Men are also allowed to have fun sometimes in a clean kosher setting.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:29 am

amother [ Bergamot ] wrote:

thank you

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:31 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

yes he needs fun. He is covered with a morning and night shiur already so we are looking for a way for him to chill. He works way too hard

amother

Aconite ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:32 am

amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:

You are the one calling someone nasty.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:37 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

oh please ! there is absolutely nothing halachically problematic or dubious about playing poker once a week with a couple of dollars. Men are allowed to relax after working hard and learning Torah. It’s no wonder that so many men are turning to addictions or getting depressed because they are “not allowed” to do anything. No wonder they bust

Iymnok

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:40 am

There's no way I'd know anything about Monsey.
I really admire you and dh. He sounds responsible in ruchniyus and gashmiyus and you sound like a real ezer knegdo.
Low stakes poker and other gambling card games are fun without the pressure. I hope you find something!

amother

Teal

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 12:47 pm

We’re yeshivish so the mentality is different, but is this something your dh asked an eitza about? Could be worth asking. After 120 we have to give an accounting for every moment of our lives and since he’s a man with a chiyuv to learn it’s maybe not the best “outlet.” (Not that I can exactly brag about some of my leisure activities either, but for a man to plan out a kevua thing of gambling/wasting time every week seems worth asking about.) There are other ways to unwind that are also mitzvos, like exercising, or helping pack for Tomchei Shabbos, or learning with at risk boys…basically something that’s a change of pace from work but also productive/growth-oriented.

(Side note but we have a neighbor who left kollel and is working in sales and really struggled for a while. He started learning l’shem shamayim with my son who has a lot of challenges, and bH his income took off and he’s now ka”h doing very very well! He should just continue to have brocha and hatzlocha and kol tuv! So should you and your dh, op.)

amother

Amaryllis ↓

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 1:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

not of any help but just curious when does your husband have time for this if he's working, learning at least two hours (sounds like 3 ?) and spending time with your kids and you?