2 faced parent | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:04 am

I'm so hurt. I have a student in my class whose parents are big financial supporters of the school. The mother calls me all the time for small things (ex another student bothered my child or what should I do my kid doesn't want to go to school) and I always make myself available to her. A few days ago her child was not acting appropriately in the classroom so I sent them out to calm down for a few minutes. The mother is so mad that her child was disciplined that she called the principal (claiming she wanted to call her for aqwhile) and said things about me that are totally false. She said things that I said to her that I never said! Meanwhile I saw her in the hall of the school and she was speaking to me all nicely as if I am a person and 5 minutes later she has the secretary tell the principal to call her right away about me. Then the principal tells me that she emailed her earlier in the day asking her to call her regard her child and myself. So bottom line is if I want to play it safe I need to let her child get away with everything because rich peoples kids aren't to be disciplined. Which is fine it's easy for me to deal with each student individually but it's the mother that I find so disturbing, she's a snake. She says her child has come home saying strange things that I said, So why doesn't she call me and ask me to clarify instead of calling my boss. That would be the mentchlich thing to do. Don't I deserve that courtesy? The other classroom teacher claims she didn't give us a chanuka present to make a point that she isn't happy with us. She's a millionaire, and she gives gifts every year but didn't give us. I think the real issue is that we treat this child the same way we treat every child in the class, and this parent thinks because of who they are their child should be treated differently. Arg. I have a headache, I literally think of her as a snake now. Good luck to me for the rest of the year. Sorry for the rant.

amother

Lightyellow ↓

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:16 am

I see this in my girls school as well and it drives me MAD. One of my girls classmates is a horrible class bully but the daughter of the rich school supporter. Mothers keep calling about her, but nothing doing, that girl is untouchable. A daughter of a different rich family is extremely chutzpah, does a lot of trouble, and doesn't have appropriate boundaries with classmates. No one to talk to either. She's a new girl in the class since last year, the class was an amazing class till this girl came in. Unfortunately, schools are desperate for money and money talks. Those that give money feel that they can do as they please and the rules don't apply to them.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:23 am

amother [ Mintcream ] wrote:

And this is why I left teaching. I always enjoyed the kids. Even the difficult ones. The parents and administration were another story.

Honestly, this has crossed my mind. The risk of her dragging my name thru the mud and bad mouthing me on the street is just not worth it. I have had difficult parents before but this is a whole different level. She's is a dangerous snake.

amother

Glitter ↓

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:55 am

amother [ Currant ] wrote:

I am sure the school will pick up that the mom is nuts. You have a shem tov as a teacher and continue trying to do what you feel is right.

Unfortunately this is not how it works . This type of thing has happened to me. Even if the administration writes her off as nuts they do remember that there was a complaint against you. I had this with a colleague years ago. She went to administration to complain about me. At the end of the year they called me to apologize because they didn’t realize how horrible she was and then I had to tolerate her all year. Same has been with nutty parents. They don’t remember the details but they do remember that there was a complaint. So sorry you’re going through this op, you sound like a dedicated and wonderful teacher who gives plenty of her own time to parents in order to help her students. You don’t deserve this- you deserve better. I hope administration supports you!

feelings

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:57 am

my child was badly bullied by the rich kid and yes I feel the school did minimal because of who his parents were this is not the Jewish proper way in my opinion NOT OK, I think you can try and be honest with the principal but probably the board controlling...if nothing is done your choice to remain or leave but the other kids this rich kid hurts have no choice....

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:17 am

jflower wrote:

OP, what is the principle advising you to do?

She says there is a way to treat the student (favor) different than the other students without the other students realizing. It's a very fine line. Also that this parent always schmoozing you up and is super friendly so you end up dropping your guard and saying to much. So I need to make sure to always remember that and remain super professional with her. In the principles experience that's the only way it will work with this parent.

nnmom

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:20 am

This is very upsetting to read and I’m sorry OP for what you are dealing with.

I’m also very sad for these children. They so badly need the boundaries and consistency (like all children do) so that they don’t become entitled adults and repeat the cycle.

Looks like you were just trying to do your job and it’s very appreciated by “regular” mothers that you treat all children equally

amother

Winterberry ↓

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What the principal is saying makes sense. It's a fine line. I was friends with a girl whose family owned the school, we were in the same class and she never got in trouble. Like the principal said, it's a fine line and you have to work with it. We all work with fine lines in our jobs.

NotInNJMommy

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:35 am

I was (and this may be hard for some of you to believe if you know me IRL now) an extremely docile and obedient child in school, K-12.

I had a very strict teacher in 2nd grade. She was very strict with everyone except AM....because his mom was the 8th grade teacher!!!! (This was a coed private school.) AM was always allowed to talk all of class and even sit next to his BFF (a boy named G).

Once, I seriously didn't do anything, because I never did anything, and the teacher called me out to put my name on the board with 2 checkmarks automatically (a severe immediate consequence for anything). I don't know what she was thinking. I put my name on the board with the checkmarks, and it meant I'd miss recess.

Then, I did something so out of character: When the class dismissed for recess, I walked right up to her and said 1. I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't talking (my grand alleged offense) and 2. AM always talks and you never do anything because his mom's the 8th grade teacher (I basically said what every student and parent thought but never said to her face.)

She then dismissed me to recess, my classmates who witnessed this hailed me as a hero.

So, trust me, your other students and their parents definitely know and appreciate whether or not you show favoritism to a particular student based on who their parents are. And you probably have an added measure of respect because you don't do that, and your students will not grow up with a memory of unjust favoritism on account of you. So yashar koach!!!

I think the only thing you can do is ensure there are witnesses, documentation (stuff in writing) when you communicate with this parent. And know that Hashem knows the truth. That's just so gross that she's so crooked. (and I hate using "gross" like that, but it's really gross.)

amother

↑ Lightyellow

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:43 am

amother [ Glitter ] wrote:

I’m horrified at the principals response!!

Unfortunately, she's in a bind as well. She's basically in the same spot as the teachers are. They often don't have much of a choice when it comes to rich snobby big shot parents. Everything needs to go their way or else they threaten that they'll stop giving money.