Are you honest at HS PTA?

amother

OP ↓

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:08 pm

If the mother repeats your negative comments to the girl, do you think it'll help her improve? I don't. It'll just make her resent you as a teacher for thinking and talking bad about her, and it'll probably get her mother upset at her (which is another reason for her to resent you).

I used to be super honest, but I've grown as a mother and now I tell the parents the things I'd love to hear as a mother and not the faults of my daughter I know about but can't do much about them since she's her own person with her own bechira.

The only time I mention something negative is if it's bad enough to put on the report card. If I know a girl will be getting an S- in conduct, I inform the mother since I don't want her to come back with teinos that it couldn't be too bad if nobody told her.

What do you do at PTA?

amother

Cerulean ↓

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:14 pm

I haven’t had PTA yet. I plan on giving nachas to each and every mother. I see good in every student (my class is especially adorable this year!). At the same time, I think a few of my students could do better than they are doing now and I would appreciate insight from the parents so that we can work together to give each girl the best potential for growth.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:15 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

I felt like I’m on display. I see no point in high school pta other than letting the mom catch a glimpse of the teacher, in my case the beauty, her daughter mentions from time to time.

Oh, don't get me started on mothers who sit down, fold their hands in their laps, and with all the time in the world, say "So which [lastname] are you? Are you related to the [lastname]s from [streetname]?

Lady, I only have 3 hours and I teach 130 students. If you're not here about your daughter, move on.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:18 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

So you put it to the mother and ask her what we can do? I do that sometimes too but rarely does the mother have an idea or solution. I'm actually surprised when a mother does have a suggestion or presents perspective on the situation, and then I appreciate it very much. It's like a lightbulb being shone on the issue. However, very often I get comments like "IDK it's the first I'm hearing of this." or "This is how she is." or "You're the teacher; you tell me." or the worst "It can't be, no other teacher had this problem."

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:26 pm

amother [ Bluebell ] wrote:

Well, aren't you the little charmer?

Besides for being rude about your students' mothers, do you also complain up and down about your salary?

Sheesh.

I'm anonymous for goodness sake. Why are you feeling defensive?
FYI I'm amother Bluebonnet on that thread. Feel free to read my posts there.

amother

↑ Cerulean

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m not giving the responsibility to the mother. But if I mention how intelligent Shani appears to be but is failing through her quizzes and tests- can she put in more effort or is something going on?- and her mother may reveal that Shani actually has anxiety about test-taking or has something major going on at home that prevents her from studying- we can find a solution that works for Shani.

I find that my elementary school-aged children’s teachers call often with progress updates and it’s wonderful. This isn’t protocol in HS, most likely because there are so many teachers who end up seeing each student maybe 3-4 hours a week, so they aren’t getting to know each student at the same level and which mother wants 20 phone calls a month per HS student?

↑ small bean ↓

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I can hear that, but it's not like I have that knowledge.

Well are you a teacher for a main subject? Does the girl seem interested in your class?

Honeslty my girls are great students so I never hear anything negative about them but I can tell in 1 minute if they get my duaghter or not. If they get her, im an equal partner in the convo otherwise, I just dont really care.

↑ small bean

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:41 pm

NotInNJMommy wrote:

Parent teacher conferences or parent teacher association meetings? I can’t imagine why speaking of specific students would come up at PTA meetings…

Conferences. In many bais yaakovs it is called pta and also the association is calles pta.

amother

Begonia

Sat, Dec 18 2021, 11:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

As a parent, I appreciate the honesty about how my daughter is doing, the good and the bad. That's why I go to PTAs. I'm not an idiot to repeat every word to my daughter.

nicole81

Sun, Dec 19 2021, 2:54 am

Yes I am honest in parent teacher conferences. I pull up my electronic gradebook and share the data with the parent. We look at where the child is succeeding and go over the positive traits, and then identify the areas for improvement. I ask the parent to help devise next steps with me so we can both promote improvement in whatever area. We end it by confirming what I'm going to do to support said child and what the parent is going to do, and decide when we will follow up regarding any progress.

The conference isn't about tattling about the kids behavior so the parent can address it (that's more for the phone calls prior to meetings when the issues start showing) but rather about collaborating with the parent so that you can work together to promote success with their child. At the high school level, I prefer when the kids are part of this conference as well.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Dec 19 2021, 3:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sometimes that IS about the daughter. If I can place a face and identity to the name, I will know what my DD is talking about when she tells me she has a test with Mrs. [lastname], and I will have a better idea of who I'm speaking to when I call you to relay her concern about the upcoming test.

I get that it might be frustrating as a teacher, but understand that part of PTA for some parents is just being able to feel some connection to the teachers. I don't expect a capsule history of her academics, challenges, and brilliant insights in three minutes, but if during those three minutes I can find out that the AMAAAAAAZING Morah Hertzenstein that DD was raving about is my friend's cousin, I'd find that time well-spent.

I'm not always coming to PTA with a concern or even to get nachas notes. I just want to meet these people who are such an influence on my child.

amother

Pansy ↓

Sun, Dec 19 2021, 3:20 am

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Totally true!

amother

DarkCyan ↓

Sun, Dec 19 2021, 3:40 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's hard for parents to come up with a solution on the spot, especially if the situation is news to them. I would schedule a phone call in two weeks to follow up. Give them time to think.

I used to teach at a high school where girls came to the conferences with their parents. Most of the time, that was very helpful. I got to see the dynamic at work. If the parents looked like they couldn't help, then I understood I would have to take the lead. Overwhelmingly, the parents had nice relationships with their daughters and were happy to brainstorm together for solutions, if needed.

Every once in a while, I wished that the girl wasn't there so I could address an issue that might be uncomfortable for her.