How to encourage not to intermarry?

iloveme ↓

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 12:32 pm

I got friendly with an irreligious nurse, she somehow claims to be a 'god fearing jew'. She claims she follows the Torah, (whatever, as if) but doesn't see how rabbis can 'make up' new laws... She's the type that always tries to do the right thing in life all the way - as long as is makes complete sense. She recently said to me that ye she'd prefer to marry a jew, but much more important is that he should be an upright and good person. She's not dating at the moment, but how can I explain to her the importance of marrying a jew? I'm not the kind who knows how to have kiruv discussions and answer perfect cutting answers to every question, but what can I say that speaks to her 'doing the right thing' personality?

Lets_Eat_Pie

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 12:40 pm

Has the nurse asked you for advice on who to marry? Is she a close friend of yours?

Most people don't enjoy receiving unsolicited advice. Personally, I'd err on the side of not butting in to other people's business - and especially their love lives. I'm sure you have areas in your own life you can improve or work on.

Last edited by Lets_Eat_Pie on Thu, Nov 25 2021, 12:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

IsraeliSoul

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 12:51 pm

She should now that there are many upright and righteous Jews and the right thing to do is try find them.

But looks like she simply doesn’t know the importance of marrying Jewish. If she really wants to know you can connect her to a rabbi. If not, don’t get into it.

BrisketBoss

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 1:54 pm

This post feels a little yuck. You display this attitude you have toward her Judaism: 'whatever, as if': and you want to convince her of something she is not interested in and might not make her personally happier because you are right and she is ignorant.

cholentfan1

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 2:22 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I think there is a book with arguments against Intermarriage.

Anybody know the name?

Are you referring to 'Rabbi, why can't I marry her?'
https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Ra.....r=8-1

BadTichelDay

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 2:25 pm

Do you think it would matter to her if her children and grandchildren have a Jewish identity? Or would she be okay if they followed their father's footsteps and became, let's say, (c"v) good and upright catholics, protestants, muslims or atheists? If your connection to her makes it possible to ask such a blunt question, it's what I would ask.

Chickensoupprof ↓

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 2:36 pm

My last relationship before I met DH was with an old friend I knew when I was 14. We dated briefly and it didn’t work out. But it was chutzpadik that one shliach I didn’t even know called me and said that I should break up with him and wanted even to go to my place to tell that and that my grandchildren wouldn’t be Jewish and should think about that etc etc… that really made me angry and it pushed me off from yiddishkeit.

Had people said more that I was accepted and good as I was, invited me more over to shul without big shabatons what made me overwhelmed and didn’t say “oh but this is nice” and not letting me pay sometimes for long trips trough the country for Shabbosim (like I couldn’t afford to go every week to Amsterdam) … being in a family setting and not a big student setting that would have me saved from that relationship…

So don’t try to do the heavy kiruv thing. Invite her over to Shabbos or chanukah don’t over do things. Be gentle and respectful in your approach. It’s really hard to feel connected as a secular Jew with a frum one at least I found it really hard. They felt like a bubble where I couldn’t get through and tbh I have still the same feeling

NotInNJMommy

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 2:38 pm

Introduce her to Jewish people with good character and things in common with her. Men or women. Any kind of religious level. If she knows more Jewish people, she will be more likely to meet the right Jewish guy for her.

↑ Chickensoupprof

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 2:45 pm

NotInNJMommy wrote:

This, just normal people. With a good heart and not judgemental.

↑ iloveme ↓

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 6:39 pm

iloveme wrote:

what can I say that speaks to her 'doing the right thing' personality?

thnx to cholentfan1 and BadTichelDay who actually tried to answer my question!

Teomima wrote:

Why do you need to say anything? Did she ask you to try and change her mind? If not, myob.

and to some others; Why do you need to say anything? Did I ask you to try and change my mind? If not, myob.

↑ Teomima

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 9:25 am

iloveme wrote:

and to some others; Why do you need to say anything? Did I ask you to try and change my mind? If not, myob.

You started the post. You asked what you can say. Me, and others, telling you to leave it alone and not say anything is a valid response to a question you asked. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean I can't say it.

↑ iloveme

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 1:15 pm

sabertooth wrote:

It’s a huge mitzvah to let her know what the Torah says about this. I would ask a Kiruv rabbi how to broach the topic and what to say.

Does this only apply to saints? I somehow have a feeling that its also is a mitzva and possibly even a chiyuv also for people who

Lets_Eat_Pie wrote:

"have areas in your own life you can improve or work on".

vintagebknyc

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 1:50 pm

iloveme wrote:

and to some others; Why do you need to say anything? Did I ask you to try and change my mind? If not, myob.

Wow. You've been here for two weeks and this is how you're treating people?