What is chassidish life like?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 1:41 am

I am chasidish and didn't give it much thought until I started working with two very litvish/ yeshivish workmates. In the chasidish way of life, the woman's role is the homemaker. Our role is looked at with pride, our house is sort of like our business. Cleanliness, organization, homemaking, cooking, baking, and of course raising our children in the derech Hatorah with simchas hachaim. Unless the husband is in learning, most women do not work out of the home. Women are actively involved in Chesed, school and organization functions.

So yes, chasidish life may seem more restrictive. But in reality it is full of warmth, simchas hachaim, lots of chesed, community support and happy, communicative marriages.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 1:53 am

DH has actually asked me a number of times to take over the bills. I feel he is more organized so I prefer he does it. I do know how much money we have in the bank and actually do some of the banking. Chasidish way of life is not some old world type of life, where woman keeps her nose in the kitchen. Puhlease!!!!!!

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 1:54 am

Chasidish people do not have any issues with Litvaks, but I can't say it is not the other way around.

pina colada

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 1:57 am

I am Chasidish, work and am involved in financial aspects. DH is more organized so I prefer he keeps track of which bills need to get paid when.

ChossidMom ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:06 am

Mama Bear wrote:

actually, I dont know how much money is int he bank and how high our bilsl ar BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO KNOW. I'm not the breadwinner in our family, and I dont want to worry about how all the bills will get paid. I'm glad dh takes care of the bills, and that's all.

I'm embarassed to say that I'm with Mamabear on this. I really take this to new levels

For most of our marriage I was the breadwinner and even then I never knew or wanted to know what was going on in the account. I just wanted to know that I could buy stuff that I needed.

Now that I'm not in the workplace anymore I REALLY don't want to know what's going on in my account. Confused

↑ ChossidMom ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:07 am

amother wrote:

Chasidish people do not have any issues with Litvaks, but I can't say it is not the other way around.

What exactly brought this on in a talk about finances?

↑ HooRYou ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:09 am

ChossidMom, I think that the post is responding to the earlier post about walking into different neighborhoods, (I.e. a chassidishe lady walking in the 5 Towns or a Litvishe lady walking in Williamsburg).

↑ ChossidMom ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:29 am

Ah, ok.

So, then I'll respond by saying that I don't think it's true that Chassidim don't have any issues with Litvaks. I'm not sure I know what you mean by "issues" but they certainly do have their, shall we say, criticism. And, I would say that this is natural, no?

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 10:13 am

amother wrote:

In the chasidish way of life, the woman's role is the homemaker. Our role is looked at with pride, our house is sort of like our business. Cleanliness, organization, homemaking, cooking, baking, and of course raising our children in the derech Hatorah with simchas hachaim.

I work full time, always have, and pride myself on doing a good job at work AND at home.

↑ rachel19977

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 4:18 pm

chocolate moose- where do you live?

↑ chocolate moose

Wed, Feb 27 2008, 4:21 pm

Crown Heights. Why ?

Emee ↓

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 5:40 pm

:arrow:

Last edited by Emee on Wed, Nov 04 2009, 10:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ creativemommyto3 ↓

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 5:48 pm

I think Boston is also a chassidus that welcomes BT's . That is the one I am most drawn to since my family has an affiliation with the Rebbe. I am so excited to have pics of my kids getting brachos from the Rebbe in his house in Har Nof.

↑ ChossidMom ↓

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 5:51 pm

I'm still here.
We're Amshinov.

↑ Maya

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:15 pm

I'm here, too.
I think that if you're drawn to Chassidus, you SHOULD go either with Lubavitch, Breslov or something out of Brooklyn.

↑ Emee ↓

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:33 pm

8)

Last edited by Emee on Wed, Nov 04 2009, 10:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Fox ↓

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 7:32 pm

amother wrote:

Our role is looked at with pride, our house is sort of like our business. Cleanliness, organization, homemaking, cooking, baking, and of course raising our children in the derech Hatorah with simchas hachaim.

This thread has been in my mind for a few weeks, and I think the above quote points to a key difference between chassidish and litvish lifestyles and is a reason so many of us feel like chassidish wannabes.

All frum Jewish women say that our role as wives/mothers is their most important role, but oftentimes our communities and institutions don't really act that way.

For example, I send my girls to a pretty typical Bais Yaakov school, but they refuse to teach or discuss anything not considered "academic" enough. No sewing lessons, no cooking, and no conversations about homemaking in general. Though they say it's not their intent, they give the impression that these are all "lower" activities that can be picked up on the fly.

I find that women in litvish/yeshivish circles are often lauded for being able to hold demanding jobs and being great balabustas -- as if being a homemaker is not really difficult or challenging enough on its own. It also suggests that homemaking isn't really "work", but something that can easily be fit in during the evening hours. The end result is usually lackluster homemaking or constant exhaustion.

The concept that women can find spiritual fulfillment serving Hashem through homemaking is just not discussed in litvish/yeshivish circles. It's not that people don't "believe" in it -- they just don't teach it or discuss it at any length. For example, you'll find a million shiurim for women on every possible topic of hashkafa, tefilla, Chumash, etc . . . but for someone to come out and actually say that you could grow spiritually by cleaning your floor or making a really great dinner? Never happens. Occasionally the Jewish Observer makes a timid stab at the issue, but they always get inundated with letters from angry women defending their paid employment.

In truth, I don't think the difference is between working for pay outside the home versus staying at home. I think the difference is how we perceive the job of homemaking. Do we act as if homemaking is a challenging job requiring intelligence, management skills, and training? Or do we act as if homemaking is the equivalent of an entry-level janitorial job?

I realize that there's enormous variation among communities, so please don't bash me just because your community is different or because you personally don't find this to be true. I'm just trying to make sense of what I see as a general trend in the rhetoric of the general litvish/yeshivish world. That said, I don't have a clue how to improve things.

↑ Helani

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 9:53 pm

Emee wrote:

We are considering Boston.

BTW, there are basically no Bostoner chassidim in Boston. Smile

I think the majority are in Eretz Israel and some in Brooklyn.

↑ Emee ↓

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 10:00 pm

Do you know how many are there?

↑ ChossidMom ↓

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 12:54 am

I live in Israel and that's where the Amshinov Rebbe is.
Anyone can come to Amshinov. FFB's, BT's, kipot srugot - anyone!
That being said, the only way to become connected with the rebbe is to actually participate in his Tischen etc. So, if you live in Boston it's hard to picture. Amshinov is a very special Chassidus because it is so warm and accepting (and small).

I think you need to find yourself a rebbe that you feel you could connect with, and start from there. (I also don't know how many rebbes there are in the States, so I'm just talking here...)