keeping a child home to babysit

lubmommy ↓

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 4:57 am

My seven yr. old dd threw up last night and says she doesn't feel well this morning. I have a busy morning of work and midwife appt. and I can't stay home. She doesn't want to come along for all the driving b/c it will make her even more nautious and I don't think that would be a good option either. Should I keep my 5th grader home from school to stay with her? I totally trust her and she does babysit our kids but I haven't kept her home from school before for such a purpose.
Feedback would be appreciated! I have to make a decision soon! Thanks!

morningstar ↓

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:15 am

There are "emergencies" which would warrant taking a child out of school.
But this doesn't sound like an emergency . . . just a day when it would be very inconvenient to cancel your appointments to say home with a sick child. Only you can know your situation for sure, but if you can't find someone to watch your child, perhaps you should consider cancelling the midwife appointment etc.

↑ morningstar

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:16 am

↑ lubmommy ↓

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:20 am

I guess I wouldn't call it an emergency either but it's for the sure the first time this year. I can't change my morning obligation and as for the midwife appt. I had an issue with feeling faint and dizzy last nt. so I really think I need to see her today.

shalhevet ↓

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:47 am

I think occasional (as long as it's really occasional) keeping a girl at home to help is fine. Not only that, but it also teaches them priorities that family and chessed come first. I wouldn't keep a boy away from learning Torah.

Two weeks ago I was sick in bed and I kept oldest dd home on Friday to cook for Shabbos (only time this year).

I have a friend who kept her oldest dd home for two days when they moved apartments (she has several young children, and dd is the oldest of 7), and for a day or two erev Pesach before the official holiday began.

On the other hand if it happens more than four or six times a year I think someone needs to reassess other help they can get - paid, from husband etc.

BeershevaBubby ↓

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:56 am

shalhevet wrote:

A while ago there was a thread about not having school on Fridays and I wondered why it was such a terrible thing to have a son home to help his mother prepare for Shabbat.

I'm sorry if this hijacks the thread but, why is teaching your sons that family and chessed should come first a bad thing? How is teaching your sons about chessed Bittul Torah?

Raisin

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:59 am

shalhevet wrote:

hmmmmmmmm..... I think 6 times a year is way too often. And I really don't think shabbos food, moving house, or pesach cleaning are emergencies. we all know pesach is coming in two months. The fact that someone decides to start cleaning a week before shouldn't be her daughters problem.

louche

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 6:11 am

YESHASettler wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

YESHA--

I see you and raise you one: I don't consider taking care of family needs to be "chessed"--it's a basic responsibility from which no one should be exempted.

(and then we wonder at all the amothers who complain that dh isn't involved with the kids, doesn't help around the house, stays in BM till the wee hours while the pregnant-while-nursing wife is making Pesach all by herself...Helllooooo? Where do we think this comes from?)

↑ shalhevet ↓

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 10:43 am

YESHASettler wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

The halacha is that you don't stop tinokot shel beit rabban (children learning Torah) learning even to build the Beis Hamikdash.

And yes, there are halachas what is bittul Torah and what isn't, and chessed is bittul Torah unless that person is the only one available to help.

↑ shalhevet ↓

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 11:16 am

Raisin wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

I just pulled 6 times from my sleeve. I don't think there is a specific number of times; my point was that it shouldn't become every other week, but only for an occasional emergency.

My friend who I mentioned had two under two at home, and no help, and her husband works long hours. I think that Pesach she was about a month after birth. There are people with circumstances that are nothing to do with starting a week before Pesach; someone with a difficult pregnancy, after birth, or other factors.

↑ BeershevaBubby ↓

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 11:28 am

shalhevet wrote:

So daughters aren't children?

↑ shalhevet ↓

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 11:40 am

YESHASettler wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

So daughters aren't children?

Come on now, YS, I'm quite sure you know that it means boys. 'Veshinantam levanecha'. Of course girls also need a Jewish education, but it is to teach them the halacha/ hashkafa they need to know, not as a mitzva of talmud Torah.

↑ BeershevaBubby ↓

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 12:42 pm

shalhevet wrote:

So boys are taught that their needs outweigh the needs of their families, while girls are taught that the family is more important than their individual needs. At the same time these girls are expected to get enough of an education so they can raise and support a family so their husbands can learn all day and night.

Ruchel ↓

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 1:09 pm

Chessed is bitul Torah?? oy oy what a sick world...
I remember reading something on the topic. It said doing mitzvos or generally learning to apply principles learned in Torah irl is NOT bitul Torah. Men who learn, even all day, but when at home misbehave, are just showing that to them there is the theory, the Torah, and the reality, quite different. Acting like that with girls vs boys is just making this Torah/reality dichotomy go on. No one should be sacrificed to the family or whatever, but everyone should help. If boys helped too, there would be less work for girls and there would be a balance between helping others and pursuing their education.

I totally agree that for girls the priority is their family. But I think it's just the same for boys. They can express it in different ways, even a man who learns all day (if it doesn't exhaust the wife) contributes a lot by giving the children a very learned father and an example of the importance of learning. But saying a girl's education is less important?? quite not, be it in kollel circles (wife works), or in other circles (even if dh earns enough, you never know c'v what can happen).

Why are WOMEN saying women are second best? if that's not brainwashing...

suomynona ↓

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 1:32 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

Learning torah is not a boy's need. It's his obligation.

I'm sure most girls are happy to miss a day of school. I doubt they feel like they are sacrificin a day of school for their family. I would even venture to say their brothers might be jealous of them.