Became a nightmare

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Forum -> Computers, Phones and Devices -> Social Media

Became a nightmare

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amother

Hotpink

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:50 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I used to love scrolling Instagram and follow inspirational people , yet lately it only became a very miserable place for me . After going down from it I only feel depressed. So many good looking women. These days I barely have time to look good but anyway that's not my point . Why dont I enjoy it and just feel terrible from it? It used to be enjoyable for me but not anymore.

So obviously you shouldn’t be going on there. Take your feelings as a sign from G-d

amother

↑ Lime

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:50 am

PinkFridge wrote:

People put on their best faces when they go out. When we made a simcha and someone complimented me, I said, for what we paid for the stage production I hope I look good.
But imagine that I was dressed in a sheitel, pearls, and heels (like women in the 1950s? Or at least the TV moms) to do housework and I sent pictures to all of my followers. This is not sustainable, and in most Insta cases, staged. But it would set a new standard that could easily make people feel inferior and insecure if they saw it often enough.

I get it. Thanks

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:55 am

My issue with tznius instagrammers is that they show off clothes which aren't even tznius to begin with. Super tight, showing knees and coupled with ridiculously long wigs. I have nothing to learn from this.

Mevater

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 10:54 am

PinkFridge wrote:

But imagine that I was dressed in a sheitel, pearls, and heels (like women in the 1950s? Or at least the TV moms) to do housework

These Instaqueens do housework? they do toilets? please provide links, I need a laugh.

Mama Bear

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 10:57 am

switch to tiktok instead to have some laughs.

4thebooks

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 11:02 am

My therapist calls Instagram and social media in general “emotional farting”

I quit IG 2 years ago and feel so much better and so much lighter!

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 11:03 am

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Way back in the days before home computers, I used to like to look at fashion magazines, especially Vogue.

One day I realized how miserable they were making me. As a former model, I was constantly thinking about how they had this glamorous career, and my days in that field were over. I felt fat, ugly, and frumpy all the time. I always wanted new clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc. I thought they would make me as happy as the people in the pictures.

It's all a lie.

This is the Yetzer Hara, trying to trap us. This is NOT the life Hashem wants for us. We need to be the best version of ourselves, not of someone else. Whatever shape, size, economic situation, etc., we need to put our energy into positive things that are genuinely achievable - and more importantly - are MEANINGFUL.

↑ PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 11:20 am

Mevater wrote:

These Instaqueens do housework? they do toilets? please provide links, I need a laugh.

My point, IIRC, was that I dress a lot better for a simcha than to do housework. I have a very clear line between Shabbos and non-Shabbos clothes.

amother

Brown

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 11:27 am

So odd that I never signed up for Instagram so there's this entire thing out there affecting people's lives constantly and I'm oblivious.

imasoftov

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:35 pm

I'm wondering if there's a frum starter pack for Instagram where everyone gets automatically subscribed to the same accounts. As I've written before, nearly all of the feeds I follow are friends, musicians whose music I like (with some overlap between those two categories, and sometimes a bar that I've gone to to see a performance), or causes I support. There are no influencers, perfect-looking people, etc. None of them made me jealous or depressed. And as before, here's what I see in my feed

13 musicians
4 demonstrations in Israel against Netanyahu
3 nature
3 urban photography
2 handmade masks
1 food (homemade, not for sale)
cat
man standing on his head
clip from Israeli TV about an art exhibition
sunset
a photo of a strange flavor of food someone found in a grocery
the joke about the Moroccan family who were afraid they had lost their sense of taste after eating Ashkenazi food
inspirational quote
viral video

well it goes on like that, I scrolled down some more and the same sort of posts showed up. There were two photos of someone at a Jerusalem landmark participating in something that we aren't allowed to discuss on this site.

amother

Brunette ↓

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:42 pm

OP - I don't know if this will make you feel better but I personally know my direct family member- meaning this is not something that I heard - I know this person and this information for a fact. She presents herself as a mental health person. She gives inspirational ideas about mental health, self care, living a happy life and she has well over 1,000 followers. I am not saying that is a lot but she has some sort of following. Anyways- this person has cut off contact with her family, her family is beside themselves and don't know what to do. She is completely broke and lives off welfare. Her life is so far from what you and I would describe as mentally healthy. I am not saying these are bad things just that on Instagram she gives off this vibe of look how awesome I am and how together I have things and it's mamesh not this way!! When I saw this family member posting all over instagram I truly felt sorry for her and started taking a closer look at the other people I follow. I ultimately deleted instagram and while I can't say it is smooth sailing - I frequently want to sign on again- I am so happy I got rid of it.

amother

Orange ↓

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 1:06 pm

4thebooks wrote:

My therapist calls Instagram and social media in general “emotional farting”

I quit IG 2 years ago and feel so much better and so much lighter!

I like the sound of her!!!! She must be awesome to work with.

amother

↑ Orange ↓

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 1:09 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Wow. What do you mean by p”presents herself as a mental health person”? Is she licensed?
This sounds so sad

amother

↑ Brunette

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 1:17 pm

It's extremely sad and weird. No - she does not say she is licensed. She makes herself into an expert on self esteem and feeling good about yourself, boundaries, self care. Things like that. If you'd watch her stories on instagram you'd mamesh think that this person has it all together. SHE DOES NOT. It's truly embarrassing. I am not saying that if you are a mental health person licensed or otherwise then that means you automatically have your life together, it's just that seeing her and knowing for a fact her life story currently it truly made me re-think the whole instagram and concept of people making themselves into these master professionals when they are really not that.

amother

↑ Orange

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:11 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

To play devils advocate:
Maybe she really is happy? Maybe according to her, her life has never been better? Maybe there’s good reason for distancing herself from her family?

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 6:50 pm

Wow wow . Ok , I will try to look at it not the way I thought until now. Thanks for all helping me change my mind to turn around my whole thinking.

LittleMissMama

Tue, Jul 28 2020, 7:37 am

At the end of the day, these women are posting what should be their private lives for accolades from strangers. Don't envy them, pity them. When they wake up in the morning, their focus is not necessarily, what chessed can I do today, what joy can I find with my children, what Torah should I learn etc Rather, it's what should I wear and where is my best lighting for my "story." This is a very shallow, immature approach to life. One day they will hopefully outgrow it and it will be a superficial phase that makes them cringe when they look back. They say this is their career or job, but this is not what a healthy, mature career path looks like.

Young women watch these "influencers" because they themselves are somewhat lonely and crave what feels like interaction. Try to fix the loneliness through a healthier outlet. Make real friendships. Call your friends and family on the phone. Put in the effort to make those relationships thrive. Or relish the loneliness with a good book on the couch instead of staring at a phone.

Side note, I tried a couple of Instagram filters the other day. Some popular ones that I've seen used a lot by frum women and it's laughably amazing. They make me look like the most gorgeous version of myself. These women post all their stories with these filters and I had no idea how "metamorphasized" they were from them til I tried the filters myself. I have zero makeup on right now. My face is red and splotchy (I sadly don't have great natural skin) but with the filter I look like I have perfect airbrushed makeup on. "Top Babe Look by xeniabelskaya" and "Fresh Face by eugeniapolyakova" are very popular.

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