I dont know im not used to this

amother

OP ↓

Mon, May 11 2020, 9:59 pm

My two teens are having a get together (a grill) with friends for lag baomer . Its almost 1 aclock evening and they arent home yet .( 15 and16)
I called them up letting them know that im going to sleep, it did seem like they were enjoying themselves. Just im very confused if im enough of a caring mother that I let them out this late? Im worried and cant full asleep until I see them back home . At the same time I dont wanna be this mean pressuring mother that dont give space to her teen boys, and I dont know what the balance is with this age . Just asking for next time: is it normal to make up a time with them that for example 11:30 be ready and I pick u up , or for this age is better to just trust them that the'l come home once its over ? Im resisting from calling them up now since I called once Already and I don't want them to feel I have distrust in them. they do feel good to feel big . But im very worried. I dont know even where the party is taking place .
I know its a bigger and special day today so maybe I should just take it easier , usually on an ordinary day they are home .

Moms of teens what would u think about being out with friends this late in this case ? Were talking her lag baomer and not a typical day . Would u be concerned or worried if your young son teens were out this late? Am I being rude for calling up and checking in? I want to do the right thing . Can anyone advise me how to deal with this?

salt

Mon, May 11 2020, 10:24 pm

If I trusted them that they're not doing anything bad (eg drinking, going places you don't want), rather they're just having a good time with some friends, and you know they can sleep in tomorrow morning, I'd let them do it once in a while.
If they had school the next day, I would give them a time to be back.

amother

Orange

Mon, May 11 2020, 10:29 pm

Oh man

I think you should let them know they have to be home in half an hour.

Is this a socially distant hang out? I'm worried about corona....

Good luck! I have preschoolers....I am not looking forward to the teenage years.

Maybe in the future set a curfew before they leave? And if they violate the curfew they cant go out the next time etc...

Hatzlacha!

Surrendered

Mon, May 11 2020, 10:37 pm

Personally, if they're reachable and I can check up on them (especially two kids together) I'd be ok with it once in a while.
I remember one of my former classmates had an overprotective mother, who kept checking up on her daughter and forced her to be home at a certain timeframe. Besides for her feeling angry and losing out on lots of fun, the classmates made fun of her having a strict mother.
I dont want to be the bad mother if it's an occasional affair.
Hatzlacha and lots of Yiddish Nachas.

twizzlers1

Mon, May 11 2020, 11:06 pm

I let my teens stay out late on a night like this. my kids have phones so I can check in with them plus I know who they are with. If they were hanging out with people that I didn't like I may feel differently but I am extremely happy with their group of friends. I thought around 1:30 was reasonable time to be home.

amother

Crimson

Mon, May 11 2020, 11:15 pm

Mothers naturally worry.
At some point they do grow up and like to stay up late, esp when it comes to such events.
The good thing is you know they are in a good setting, and likely many others are celebrating with them.
I would give them a time to consider being back, so A. You won't sit and worry
B. Give them a responsibity
C. It shouldn't become a pattern of staying up later and later...it can, if theres no deadline ever...

So, maybe call them and ask them if they can be back at this and this time? for your peace of mind