I want to handle my dd's development right...please help!

amother ↓

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 12:33 pm

My oldest dd is 10. I know her pre-teen and teen development is fast approaching. I want to handle it in the right way. My own mother did not do so well, as I think she was too embarassed to deal with it. (I had to ask her to take me shopping for a bra, pads, etc.) Plus, she just couldn't deal when I had cramps or when I was just not feeling too great, calling me bad and awful. It was a bit traumatic, She didn't even give me proper pain medication (She gave me liquid children's tylenol for cramps because she didn't want to teach me how to swallow pills) I'd end up in the nurse's office each month throwing up from the pain and miserable. (Once I was old enough to walk to a store by myself, I was able to buy stuff on my own and found such relief!)

Since I did not have a proper maternal role model in this regard, I have no one to look up to. I want to make sure I do everything just righ for my daughter (from bras to periods to emotions, etc. All you moms with pre-teens and teens, pleaase help! Are there any good books out there for moms of teenage gilrls? Thanks so much!

mummy-bh

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:33 pm

Yup, I second that. The Wonder of Becoming You by Miriam Adahan, pub by Feldheim (I think - sorry, too lazy to go look it up!) Written very nicely from a female perspective. I would sit down with your daughter when it's nice and quiet with a cup of cocoa and read the book together. It covers eveything you mentioned. It's divided into chapters so you can cover a little at a time if you'd rather.

Hatzlocha!! Smile

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:59 pm

When is the appropriate age to have an official talk with your daughter about all of this? My daughter is 10, and not at all developed yet, but I want to make sure she knows about all the details before she gets her period. I've spoken with her in the past about a period and bra etc. so she knows about it, but I haven't had a sit-down talk yet with all the details.

RedRuby

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 2:31 pm

I think 10 is good age to start. Even if she hasn't begun to develope, her classmates might, and the subject could come up among friends.

I always wanted her to hear it all from me first...(I started talking about it earlier than 10, because of my daughter's specific questions, I felt that she was ready.)

I know what you mean about not having a role model to "do it right" but take a deep breath, be as calm as possible, and keep the lines open. The biggest misconception is The Big Talk. It should be an ongoing conversation (of course private and appropriate). If you want your daughter to feel comfortable asking you questions, just stay calm and matter-of-a-fact. It's okay if you don't know exactly how to say it, or if you tell her that you'll talk about XYZ in a little while. Whatever you do, use words you feel comfortable with, be approachable, (even if you feel self-conscious.)

I worried about the same thing and my daughter was B"H so calm and relaxed about it, I was amazed.

Tell her she can ask you anything, and that you'll answer as best as you can. It's also okay to say "we can discuss this in more detail when you are --- this age."

Good luck!!! Then you can come on Imamother and vent. You can do it!!

Just think-- you are giving your daughter such a gift. The gift of communication, of open questions, of healthy body image, of how Hashem created every person in such a beautiful and miraculous way.

↑ amother

Wed, Jan 02 2008, 8:32 am

Actually, tomorrow, I'm keeping my ( 12 yo) DD home from school. I told her I made an appt. for her, (had to, so DD right under wont go crazy with jealousy and demand to stay home too, want this to be private and special for older DD, will do with other DD in about 6 mos). Tomorrow morning I'll take her out for breakfast, then we'll come home and I have selected parts of Wonder Of Becoming You (by Dr. Miriam GROSSMAN, btw)that we will read together out loud. I will give the book to her to peruse other parts when she wants. I will also give her some pads. She already heard a very nice talk in school, but I want to do it with her also. Dr. told me that she has at least a year or two till she gets her period. so I know I'm not too late, although wish I had done it earlier!