What is chassidish life like?

↑ Blossom ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 11:45 am

Tehilla wrote:

Quote:

It's OK, you can lighten up. We have wonderful children here in Williamsburg who are the epitome of Derech Eretz'dik kids with great middos.

I must say, outside of that seemingly ever present percentage of people who just do stare and say the wrong thing...I've been many many times to Williamsburg, Monsey, Boro Park, and live in Crown Heights. The children are pure treasures to be around. And since we're speaking specifically about Williamsburg, I've never once been offended there by anyone. To the contrary, everyone has always been pleasant, helpful, and very kind.

Tehilla I agree with you. I think it adds up to if you want to see positive you'll see the positive and if you are defaulted to think negatively that's what you'll see. I've probably had not so pleasant experiences with I think every community each with their own faults. But they lie forgotten by the mostly positive and wonderful experiences with the people I've met in all different kinds of communities. Mi Ki'amcha Yisroel.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 11:46 am

Blossom wrote:

Tehilla wrote:

Quote:

It's OK, you can lighten up. We have wonderful children here in Williamsburg who are the epitome of Derech Eretz'dik kids with great middos.

Beautiful post Blossom. How true.

↑ momsrus ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 3:14 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

momsrus wrote:

I beg to differ with you here. Why would u say that chassidishe men don't learn and their wives don't work? That is totally not true. There are plenty of ft learning men in our community. And as for lakewood all major chassidisus have a shtebel there, there are plenty of cassidim there.

I live in williamsburg, and the vast majority, I'd say 90%, of women are stay at home moms whose husbands work. yes, there are working women, but they are few and far in between.

I live in BP and I would say that the average yungerman doesn't go out to work until 3-5 years after marriage and there are many of longtime kollel couples. There are also many many men in the chinuch field.

↑ momsrus

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 3:18 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

momtomor wrote:

Not among the really young couples, though. Most of the women I know that are married 2-3 years, and have a kid or two are working. After the second, most stop and give the job over to their husbands.

Of course working with just one or two children is common. I'm talking about the type of lakewood kollel families where the women ae the breadwinners their whole lives and the men learn their whole lives.

Yes I do agree with you that you won't find a lakewood in BP or willi, but to say that all chassidishe life is the woman at home and the husband at work is just not true. It's not a given that a chossid works.

↑ Maya ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 9:56 pm

Quote:

Momtomor you're giving the impression to non-Williamsburgers that our children are like that. Why are you digging your own whole and making all the children in your community appear like this?
I am shocked.
I agree that there are children like that in Williamsburg. But how about you focus on the glass half full? On the wonderful children with Derech Eretz and beautiful Middos like my children and my neices and nephews and I'm sure many more who are brought up with beautiful middos.
Amother don't be so sad as per your comment Quote:
Sad that derech eretz is a lost middah where you are from
It's OK, you can lighten up. We have wonderful children here in Williamsburg who are the epitome of Derech Eretz'dik kids with great middos.

If you read my last sentence, you will see that I wrote:

Quote:

But it's not a rule; there are many decent parents who teach their kids to be nice and have middos.

I am not digging a 'whole'. Maybe a 'hole'.

Beauty and the Beast ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 10:29 pm

everything stems from how a person is raised.
nature vs, nurture. a child will do what he sees, and say what he hears.
if we, as parents speak about ppl in a condecending manner, our children will think they have the right to speak and act that way too.

but it is not just in chassidish circles. it is everywhere. human nature is human nature, and we all have to work really hard to make sure we are teaching our children to love and respect every human being.

I must share a beautiful sight that I saw tonight. I was working in a house tonight, they were making a simcha. the mother was running around, getting things done, with the help of at least 3 cleaning ladies, or maids...
every time she asked for something, or the ladies got something done, she told them THANK YOU with such sincereness, it touched me.
she treated them with such respect and kindness, and it wasnt just them, it was me, her kids, her party planner... I was able to see the chinuch her children were receiving, and admired it.

if we show our children that every human being deserves to be treated with respect, we wouldnt have issues like these, which unfortunately there are plenty of.... ( in all circles...)

Fox ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2007, 3:39 am

Tehilla wrote:

And since we're speaking specifically about Williamsburg, I've never once been offended there by anyone. To the contrary, everyone has always been pleasant, helpful, and very kind.

I've been following this threat with some interest because -- confession time: I'm a serious Chassidishe wannabe. I would move to Williamsburg tomorrow, and that's from someone who really doesn't like NY and hates the thought of bungalow colonies. Not only have I *always* been treated nicely, but store proprietors have even encouraged me and helped me with my atrocious Yiddish!

Having given my endorsement for Williamsburg, let me share a thought:

Every community has its own dress code, and it often has nothing to do with tznius. If I wore a suit and jewelry to go shopping near my home, everyone would assume that I'd just come from a job interview. Most women in my community wear two-piece knit outfits for everyday. But you'd better believe I wear a suit when I go to Williamsburg or BP!

One of the ways women can help each other is by sharing, not withholding, this information. Because I spend a fair amount of time in Brooklyn, several women in my city asked me to make a "shopping guide". In addition to describing my favorite stores, I gave advice for blending into each of the neighborhoods I profiled. I got far more positive feedback on that aspect than on anything else.

Now, this can obviously be taken too far! Nobody's husband is going to change his appearance to suit local tastes, and some things -- like type of hair covering -- involve minhagim. Nevertheless, I find it helpful to know what people are accustomed to and be ready for it. I can make minor changes by dressing up or down, and I can be better prepared to handle reactions to sartorial realities I'm not willing or able to change.

In the meantime, you'll recognize me hanging out at Cafe au Lee: I'm the only one with a suit *and * a Midwestern accent!

↑ gryp ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2007, 9:37 am

Quote:

In the meantime, you'll recognize me hanging out at Cafe au Lee: I'm the only one with a suit *and * a Midwestern accent!

LOL, Fox.

Nice post.

I just wanted to point out that changing your clothing to fit more into the scenery in certain neighborhoods may work for some and not others. Personally, I dress the way I dress wherever I am, and I don't mind the stares, I've gotten used to them. I find myself subconsciously staring right back as if I'm trying to figure out on the starer why she's so interested in me. Stares aren't going to make me change my clothing because there's no need to. I'm comfortable, tznius, and look nice, and that's what counts to me, not someone I don't know staring at me. Perhaps since I grew up out of town and the non-Jews staring at my long-sleeved, long-skirt outfits never bothered me, so when I moved to NY stares from the Jewish people didn't bother me much either.

↑ Maya ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2007, 9:46 am

Quote:

I'm seriously doubting this statement. Nobody moves here from free will. The only people living here are the ones who grew up here. Very few are from out of town, or even BP. Williamsburg is not Lubavitch; they don't welcome outsiders with open arms. On the contrary.

Quote:

In the meantime, you'll recognize me hanging out at Cafe au Lee: I'm the only one with a suit *and * a Midwestern accent!

Hey, I sit in Cafe au Lee many times myself. Gonna look around next time for the woman in the suit.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2007, 10:07 am

Quote:

What a nice post about your very own community Rolling Eyes

. You are right that they might not be as opened arms as Lubavitch (which community is?) but you didn't have to write "on the contrary". Maybe you don't know about lots of Chessed in "your" community but I do. By the way for starters, Satmar Bikur Cholim moslty caters to non-frum yidden.

↑ Maya ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2007, 10:08 am

Beauty and the Beast wrote:

Quote:

Hey, I sit in Cafe au Lee many times myself. Gonna look around next time for the woman in the suit.

arent u gonna have a hard time figuring her out since most women in willi wear suits to go shopping??? Wink

Yeah, that's why this sentence was just a tiny bit sarcastic.

Besides, Fox, I don't wear suits, and I don't think you would stand out of the crowd if you wear your usual 2-piece knit outfit. I'm sure that noone mistakes you for a Williamsburg native just because you are wearing a suit.

If you just go shopping there, why is there even a need to want to fit in? I don't dress up to look like the other women in a community when I'm only visiting there. Why is that such a big issue?[/quote]