My job makes me hate my life

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:56 pm

My job used to be really great but things have changed and I’m literally in agony at work. I hate the work I’m doing, the decisions I have to make, my boss, my coworkers, my clients. It haunts me when I’m at home too. I feel so disrespected by snide remarks my boss has made.

I know logically that I should change jobs. But it’s so complicated and hard to do that. And I might be just as miserable at a different job, or even more miserable. My husband is sick of hearing me complain. He thinks I’m nuts at this point and wants me to stop letting work get to me like this.

Anyone relate?

I just want easy, mindless work that pays decently. Does that exist?

amother

Maroon

Yesterday at 8:07 pm

Yeah... I've been at my job a long time and I think I'm good at it but I've had a terrible boss for a while, the kind that tries to "get" his employees rather than support them. I have a performance review coming up that I know won't be great because he came at a bad time and never gives anyone a break, and even though I know my job is probably safe I'm still dreading it and worrying at home. DH doesn't get it either. I'm just trying to remind myself that for whatever reason, Hashem made it this way. Maybe it is a sign to finally look for something better. OP I'm davening that you should have success and fewer worries about work so you can focus on family and "real" life.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Yesterday at 8:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Usually when people make snarky remarks, the problem is theirs and not yours.
Perhaps the quality of your work is affected by the fact that you hate it.
Since you are obviously bringing home your feelings and its affecting your home life, you have to do something. It isnt fair what you are doing.
Either leave your job or change jobs.
Please brush up your resume and start looking for another job. If you want mindless work, perhaps consider taking cleaning jobs in peoples homes, it pays decently.

Or get counseling how to deal with whatever you are going through.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:19 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

What’s keeping you at your current job? Is your expertise in demand? Do you make a good salary? As someone who left a job that I thought I would be married to forever… you can be happier elsewhere!

It’s remote. I can’t imagine working in person even though I used to do that before I had kids. It’ll be so exhausting and complicated and we might have to get another car. In person will make things so much harder. I know people would love to have my job but I just can’t do it anymore.

It pays decently. I’m not rich or even able to save much for a down payment but it’s enough to cover all my bills BH and have some savings. My husband is in kollel so I’m the sole breadwinner. I don’t know if I’d be able to get the same pay elsewhere but it probably wouldn’t be that much less.

I have golden handcuffs and they’re killing me.

Thank you to those of you saying you left jobs and are happier. I’m so scared to leave my job.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:22 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

You are one smart cookie. My boss used to really like me and has said that she can tell I no longer enjoy my job and it’s affecting my work quality. She understands why I started hating it, the work changed and my personality isn’t made for the new work I have to do. It’s torture.

I live in the US and taking a cleaning job isn’t socially acceptable. Plus it wouldn’t pay much.

I hear you that I’m being unfair. It feels like life is being unfair to me and I just don’t want to have to work hard and take risks to deal with it.

amother

Clematis

Yesterday at 8:26 pm

I can totally relate. And the sad part is that just a few years ago I loved my job too but it has changed a lot. I understand your hesitancy to leave. It feels very daunting and I don’t even know how to go about looking for a new job. I get paid well but I wonder if the emotional stress is worth it.

I just keep asking hashem to guide me and if I’m meant to leave to send me an opportunity or to give me clarity.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:28 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

It feels better to not be alone in this. Thanks for posting.

I love what you said about asking Hashem to guide you. I should start doing that.

amother

Amaranthus

Yesterday at 9:08 pm

I sometimes loathe my job. Drag my feet to work on Monday usually. My company has changed and brought with it new executives who all think their way is the best way. I also have golden handcuffs. I make the bulk of our income, carry the health insurance, and the kids are very settled in our neighborhood. To change jobs would mean to move away. I’m stuck. Though thankful I can pay the bills. I don’t want to be an employee all my life though. I want to go out on my own and DH wants me to keep doing what I am doing because I have a reliable income and he is terrified of being destitute and being relied on to make the money. I am burnt out and need a long, long break.

amother

Navy

Yesterday at 11:32 pm

I was in this position, and was scared to leave. I had limited qualifications, which limited my employability, and was in the middle of a course to improve my qualifications, but meant I could only work part time.

It was truly a relief when the decision was taken out of my hands and I got fired!

Its also been therapeutic to read this thread and see how many people are in similar positions.

amother

Tangerine

Today at 2:55 am

I work in a Lakewood office with a few other women for many years. I never asked outright but judging by the conversation etc I'd say we all hate our job lol. We work for money and since the office is not toxic we stay. I try to focus on the good parts instead of getting bitter about the parts I can't stand (or control).

I've made this cheshbon a million times. To stay or to move on. I keep coming back to this truth. Switching jobs is its own set of challenges. I'm not up for that at this point but be"h there will be a time when I will so for now I come to work with a smile, focus on doing 110%, am courteous to my clients and gracious to my coworkers. I am professional to a fault and never give up on davening to the real boss for parnassah berevach bederech kavod.

synthy

Today at 5:37 am

Can you try to emotionally disconnect yourself from your job? Don’t take praise to heart, don’t take criticism to heart. You’re doing this to get paid and after hours you’re out, no thinking about work. You can set up a timer that shows you how much money you’re making as time goes on, it helps you focus on the reason you’re working.

Also, try to get in the mindset that you’re only doing this for x amount of time. I’m currently in a golden handcuffs kinda job, and when I started I promised myself it’s only for one year. It’s 2 years later now, and I’m still giving it only one more year 🙂.

I’m saying this because a) the job market is not doing so well now, there’s no guarantees that you’ll find something better. B) I’ve seen people jump from one job to the next because they were miserable at each one. And at some point they just have to realize that work is miserable. “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is bs. Even if you love your job, you start hating it as soon as it becomes your actual job. You just have to lower your expectations and bear it.

Ignore if you actually can’t go on like this; only you know your situation.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 6:55 am

synthy wrote:

Thank you, I like this advice. I’m sitting at my laptop and having such a hard time working. My coworkers and boss are treating me in such a passive aggressive way this morning and it really hurts.

I need to not let my usual sensitive nature be at play when it comes to work. I’m doing my best and if that’s not good enough for them, they can fire me. Until then, I’m staying because I need this job to pay my bills and be able to pick my kids up from daycare on time. I really hope things will improve somehow at my job…

It’s true that work just sucks.