Do you go to your husband's friends' weddings?

Esther23 ↓

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 8:38 pm

And I mean if you do not know the kallah? I'm never sure if I'm supposed to go, I guess it would be appropriate but it's uncomfortable because I don't know anyone there! Do any of you go?

MiracleMama

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 9:04 pm

I have been to few weddings where I didn't know a soul. I went because my husband wanted me to. If he didn't care I would have gladly stayed home while he went alone to his friends' weddings.

momluv

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 10:24 pm

haven't started yet but I suppose I will have to go to his closest friends when it comes rolling around. he isn't yet engaged so I've still got some time.

jba

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 10:54 pm

In my parent's home I grew up with the concept that you ALWAYS go with your spouse to all wedding. This got taken to the extreme sometimesn when my mother would not go so my father couldn't or the time my mother left me home with my 4 month old (nursing) brother and no way for me to feed him. That being said. I think that if it can happen that both the husband and wife can go, it can at times be a really special occasion to share with eachother. But that needs to be assessed on a case by case basis. I don't really think there are many rules that are iron clad/.

↑ Esther23

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 11:22 pm

Jba, what do you mean when you say it's special to go to a wedding together? You're in separate parts of the hall and hardly see each other.

Beauty and the Beast

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 11:25 pm

only if its his really good friend, and I have met the kallah at least once before the wedding. otherwise, whats the point? not like she will remember me, I would rather meet after they are married in a more relaxed setting.

Mommish

Mon, Dec 03 2007, 10:41 pm

I have gone to several weddings of dh's friends or colleagues where I didn't know anyone at all. Sometimes I'm miserable doing it, but a few times I've made freinds. Actually some of my close friends now I met for the first time by their chasunahs because my dh dragged me along.

greentiger

Mon, Dec 03 2007, 10:45 pm

I don't go, and I don't expect DH to come to my friends' weddings. I'm not very comfortable in new settings, so I don't enjoy his, and I'm always too nervous to enjoy mine if I suspect that DH is on the other side of the mechitza doing nothing and being bored while I have fun socializing.

louche ↓

Mon, Dec 03 2007, 11:20 pm

catonmylap wrote:

Only if there is mixed seating.

same here, unless I know the kallahvery well, which hasn't happened yet. otherwise I'm a stranger to everyone, what's the point?

miriamnechama

Tue, Dec 04 2007, 9:16 am

no never.... I don't feel comfortable when I don't know anyone. as a matter of fact evenw heni have friends froms hul making weddings I don't always go.... and alsoif I knw it's a wedding that teh people won't be my type I won't go...

I'd rather saty home and read or sit on imamother than sit at the table of a wedding staring into space or noone to talk to.

it's the same with bar mitzvas etc

greenfire

Tue, Dec 04 2007, 9:24 am

I think it's nice to stand by your man ... and vice versa ... he by you ... a wedding speaks of unity and even just meeting here and there to say "hi how's it going" give a couple some nachas "this is my spouse" ... awwww

↑ chocolate moose

Tue, Dec 04 2007, 10:45 am

greenfire wrote:

IF it's mixed, greeny. in our crowd, that would never happen.

shmoozer

Tue, Dec 04 2007, 11:08 am

what's the point in making your husband/wife uncomfortable? I wouldn't even want my husband to come. I would feel so bad for him. I have other places to go that both of us are happy to be going and I could say "this is my husband/wife". But if one is not comfortable going then one definitely shouldn't Smile

freidasima ↓

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 7:38 am

This is so difficult sometimes, especially when you don't know any other women and are sitting there when everyone else obviously knows each other...but I go with my husband to be part of the mitzva of misameach chosson vekalloh and try to go up to the kalloh to wish a special mazel tov..

↑ louche

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 8:40 am

friedasima, that's such a nice attitude. I figure if the kallah doesn't know me from Vashti and our only connection is that our dh are friends, then my presence is not only not especially mesameach, but actually a tirchah--one more stranger for her to have to make nice to among all the others.

Later we can invite them over and get acquainted one on one if we live in the same community.

↑ freidasima

Sat, Dec 22 2007, 11:54 am

louche I so understand what you mean...I thought about it the first time after we were married and we went my husband's brother's chassuneh...only three weeks after ours (my poor inlaws! They ran from one country to another...) and saw my sister in law have to greet all these people she didn't know from Adam...we had a really small one so we ended up knowing almost everyone at least somehow...but then we went to a chassuneh of a friend of dh and the kallah looked so tired..and I went up and wished mazeltov and told her who I was and said "I know how exhausted and hungry you must feel and beezras Hashem we will get to know each other at our place as soon as you are up to it"...and she gave me such a nice lovely smile...I felt that it touched her...but yes, one has to always be aware of not being a tircha...that is very true...