Child touching herself

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 19 2007, 10:01 am

When I was little I had a friend that would do something similar. I think we were about 10 or 11 maybe older. she only did it privately and I never saw her doing it but she told me about it.
I think its just a faze and is natural to be curious about ones body.

Mimisinger

Mon, Nov 19 2007, 10:11 am

I think there are a variety of different experiences here that are all be thought to be the same. My ds who is 1 1/2 touches himself when he's being changed. He just learned (as did I Smile

) that it can be pushed in and out. I could not stop laughing when I saw that for the first time! Of course laughing encourages a behavior so try not to do it. I just let him touch for as long as it takes me to wipe him and put a new diaper on.

For kids that are 3-6 about, I think it's a normal, healthy exploration of the body thing. Older than that, imo gets into a weird situation. Meaning, a kid who is 9 should be aware of herself and her surroundings and what is socially acceptable. If at 9 she's still pleasuring herself in public, imo, there's something off. It could be abuse (which I think should be looked into) or it could be that the kid is socially awkward and that should be looked into.

At 10 or 11 if someone is pleasuring themselves NOT in public that's more se*ual but different than a 3 year old doing it. Also, if it's not in public it's different than public b/c of the social taboos.

And, if I were at a house and a kid got up from the shabbos table and go pleasure herself on the couch, I would barf.

triLcat

Mon, Dec 10 2007, 12:31 am

A 9-y-o who isn't aware that this is private and kinda secret is pretty worrisome.

If you can, you should tell the parents that really, this is something they need to talk about with their child.

I had the experience that a friend's daughter (6) was sitting on my husband's lap and touching very near his privates and he was very uncomfortable. Same child also touched my tush and chest a few times. I had a talk with the parents, and the child has since been taught that you have to respect other people's bodies and privacy.

In her case, it was a boundary issue and not an abuse issue.

If they handle the discussion about this behavior well, it will also open up discussion about whether anyone else touched her or showed her how to do this. It may be that someone talked about it too much or something but there was no actual abuse.

BTW, I shake my legs because of RLS (restless leg syndrome). My father always used to act as if it were self-pleasuring. It was not nice of him b/c it made something out of nothing. Be careful not to make something out of nothing, especially with toddlers.

(OP, humping teddy bears frequently is not nothing, I'm aware.)

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Dec 10 2007, 9:43 am

I just saw that my daughter did it in the car while driving to a friends house. I was worried she would do it there too so before she went in, I pulled her aside and told her that it is OK to do it in private where no one can see, but it is not allowed to do in public.
I asked her what she was doing, and she said nothing. REally nothing.
So I didn't push.

↑ mimivan

Tue, Dec 11 2007, 8:07 pm

amother wrote:

Why is it okay in private?

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Dec 11 2007, 8:41 pm

When I was a little kid I was touched by an uncle and it made me very aware of my body. I started pleasuring myself in a s-xual way very young, at about 8 or 9, I always did it in private though, I was always very very ashamed of it. I think I hadn't connected the abuse and the touching until I read this thread and YES, OP, you SHOULD say something, it is not normal behavior. If you suspect something, say something, you might be at odds with the parents but in the end you might really save a life.

happymom

Tue, Dec 11 2007, 10:03 pm

Quote:

my 20 month old does this and it drives me crazy. is it okay to put her time out just for a few seconds so shell maybe learn to stop. its really embarssing! I dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no! time out shouldnt ever be given to achild under three anyways. and this is not a BAD thing that any child should be punished for! besides time out wouldnt teach her anythiung, just that u are angry at her and she wont even know why!

↑ amother

Thu, Jul 24 2008, 12:22 pm

I saw this thread, and was wondering about a child who is currently staying in our house. Mom had a baby. This girl is 4 and is always rocking on a chair, and has her hands down there before falling asleep. (mom told me about it)

My question to you is : If it would be my kid I would handle it the way I feel is right, but this is not my child, Should I just ignore it?