What is chassidish life like?

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Dec 09 2007, 2:04 pm

Granted, people anywhere will not always behave like they should, but I think you are exaggerating things just a bit! I have been around the block a few times and I have never recieved or shall I say perceived reactions like you are describing. The worst that happened to me was when I was working in a Chasidishe bungalow colony and some cute little kids told me that my denim skirt is non jewish. I was not insulted at their candidness in the least; I couldn't help but feel amused. Maybe I just don't have such a complex...?

↑ Squash ↓

Sun, Dec 09 2007, 3:00 pm

amother wrote:

lol. my little daughter tells me she doesn't want to wear her denim skirt cuz it's a non jewish skirt.

I don't think it's a complex per se. I just think that subconciously we all know and feel that we should strive to become better pple (and e/o knows what she needs to work on, whether tefila, tznius, whatever) and then when we come face to face with it, it hurts. but we don't realize what it is that hurts. I hope this makes at least a drop of sense. this is not to condone 'talking down to' or 'making fun of' pple who don't look the same as us. kids definitely MUST be taught.

I found this true during the whole 'shaitel story' when many women in our community changed, or for lack of a better word, 'improved' their head coverings (ie started wearing synthetic shaitel, or hat on shaitel, or shpitzel, etc) and one neighbor of mine was saying how terrible it is that this is happening, who do they think they are ? why do they think they have to be 'better' than their family? etc etc etc.

I, for one, have a sil who started wearing a shpitzle at the time and I thought 'kol hakovod to her'. she didn't start behaving in a condescending manner just cuz her headgear was different. and I haven't met many pple who do. I just think that this neighbor of mine, subconsciously took the fact that pple were actively working on themselves as a sort of 'threat' because possibly she knows, whether subconciously or conciously, that she should also be improving certain areas of tznius. and if 'they' could take such a drastic step, it is somehow mechayiv her to do some serious revamping of her mode of dress herself (albet maybe not in this particular way).

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Sun, Dec 09 2007, 3:15 pm

Squash wrote:

I found this true during the whole 'shaitel story' when many women in our community changed, or for lack of a better word, 'improved' their head coverings (ie started wearing synthetic shaitel, or hat on shaitel, or shpitzel, etc) and one neighbor of mine was saying how terrible it is that this is happening, who do they think they are ? why do they think they have to be 'better' than their family? etc etc etc.

Not e/o sees things that way.

↑ Squash ↓

Sun, Dec 09 2007, 3:32 pm

rachel19977 wrote:

I'd love a Chassidish lady to answer my above question.

.

okay. I'm a chasidish lady, and I'll attempt to answer your question. it's very individual actually. I was raised in a very chassidish home where every jew was honored and respected. in fact, we lived in monsey and on a very chassidish street. we had a really american type shul on our street and were very friendly with the pple there. always said good shabbos and smiles, etc. my father davened there many times. it was never 'beneath his dignity'. why should it be? it was a good shul, nice pple, kosher mechitza. that's what a person needs. it never bothered him that the guys wore straw hats in the summer and he wore his shtreimel. (really, my father has the look of a chassidishe rebbe.)

I can actually see how some pple come off as standoffish. it happens to me too. I could never get used to the unfriendliness of a city (boro park) as compared to monsey. like, why are pple so afraid to smile? but I must admit, it's not e/o, it's a lot of them.

I guess it just has a lot to do with the way pple are raised. and it is up to us to raise our children to respect everyone for who they are even if they are different than us.

as an aside, I've suffered from the reverse.

you went to a chassidish school and were the odd man out.

I went to a mainly litvish school, and in the younger grades I was made fun of very very very many times cuz I was so chassidish.

which leads me to believe that this is not an issue exclusive to the chassidish community. it's just the way some pple are. (incidentally, that is why I'm sending my daughter to a chassidish school. I don't want her to go through the same thing I went through)

↑ louche ↓

Sun, Dec 09 2007, 8:51 pm

I think Rachel19977 was maybe a bit impassioned in her post but I hear where she's coming from. Did kids actually curse, though? as in foul language, or as in wishing you bad things, like "may you grow like an onion with your head in the ground"? do their parents know that? not that either one is acceptable, just curious. where would they learn foul language from? hmmm...

I hear you on the string part. I've had this experience too. as a plain vanilla non-chassidish frum woman, of very unremarkable looks, on the matronly side, dressed in the fashion of no particular decade-- in fact, as close to invisible as a person can get --I've been stared at by entire chassidish families--the men staring as much as anyone else, even though I was in a public place, not "tresspassing" on the streets of any chassidish enclave. Just in a regular public park or shopping area. ``I am not imagining this. when you are loading your stuff into your car and a whole family is standing not 10 feet away watching you for the 20 minutes or whatever it takes, it is most definitely a eliberate act on their part. Little kids I can understand, b/c to them anything that differs the least little bit from their experience is something to stare at, even a man in a blue shirt instead of a white one. but surely the adults have been taught that it's rude to stare? I keep telling myself that one of these days I will march up to them and ask them if they're looking at something wrong that I should know about. so far all I've done is pretend they aren't there.

so, you chassidistehs on this board--what's with the staring? do you realize how uncomfortable it makes people feel? How would you like it if I stared at you the way you stare at me? do you think that because people stare at you when you venture into the city that makes it ok for you to stare at other people? Particularly people who are doing their best not to look at you at all?

↑ Atali

Sun, Dec 09 2007, 10:54 pm

louche wrote:

On the other hand, I could just as easily see a chasidishe poster making the following post:

"whenever I walk down the street outside of my neighborhood, I notice frum people from other groups staring at me. I am not wearing anything unusual for my group, just a standard two-peice outfit, seamed tights, and a shpitzel, nothing unusual, really. I can understand that children stare at anything different, but I'm talking about the adults..."

It is human nature for adults as well as children to stare, it's just that adults are supposed to avoid it, and some do a better job than others

Akeres Habayis

Mon, Dec 10 2007, 4:42 am

rachel....(forgot thenumbers after the name!)you do have a point and it happens to me on a EVERYDAY basis. I do look diff can't change it,
I hate it for my husband though because he feels for me when I am in the street and people openly stare at me/us because of my color,obviously I am frum lubavitch.
but rachel it isn't just the chaseedishe ladies its across the board. we have to educate our children.
I would like to move to beitar but it isnt' going to happen because of the way people react to me and others who look like me.
its chaval, because it has everything we need, schools,shopping,busses etc. I would never be accepted in a chareidi so go figure, just chuck it up to a test to grin and move on and not to show anger,frustration etc, I gues it just isn't for us, H doesn't want us to move there.
a true chassidish life is to see H in everything, even in the above, to realize that things happen for a reason we may not know why at that moment but, TO KNOW ITS FROM H is the diff from a litvishe,MO (I guess) lifestyle.
I know that I can't live in a all charedi place,is that a neg? depends on how I look at it, I try and look at it with a positive light, maybe H doesn't want me there, He has somewhere else in mind. this thought process is the diff to what a chassidish life should/can be about. we strive to have this attitude. chasonius isnt' so imp it does help us along the way.(where clothes like a queen you feel like a queen).
we as chassidish women and men try to see the good in everything as the founder of chassidus says"the leaf blowing in the wind has a purpose. every yid is here to do a mission/has a purpose what your mission/purpose....mine is to show that H is in charge of everything I am just a kli. I'm nothing but dust, a big fat nothing but yet....I can make a diff.
we have a Rebbe, he helps us to become a polished gold kli. not just the Lub Rebbe, all the Rebbeim of all the chasseedish job is to guide us to help us be the best yid we can be.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Dec 22 2007, 8:57 pm

louche wrote:

so, you chassidistehs on this board--what's with the staring? do you realize how uncomfortable it makes people feel? How would you like it if I stared at you the way you stare at me? do you think that because people stare at you when you venture into the city that makes it ok for you to stare at other people? Particularly people who are doing their best not to look at you at all?

I am sorry at the pain this must have caused you.

I am also sorry at the extreme shallowness that these parents teach their children.

In all due respect does the chassidishe community and schools teach proper middos and derech eretz towards all Jews and people in general (since we are a light unto the nations) or are they taught that this just applies to their kind? My children do not go to a chasiddishe school and they are taught these things at home and in cheder.

If I have any interaction with chassidishe people, they are nice to me.

↑ Maya ↓

Sat, Dec 22 2007, 11:50 pm

I really don't think that all these above-mentioned problems come because someone is Chassidish. Granted, many Chassidim stare, are not polite and so on. But they do it between themselves, too. I am always stared at in the street, and my neighbor's kids are always talking in Yiddish debating whether I am a [gentile]'te or not.

But I believe that this can happen anywhere. It totally depends on the home that the people grew up in. Some parents teach their kids manners, while others don't. Simple as that.

pinkbubbles

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 5:07 pm

louche wrote:

um.. Ive been called names I dont feel comfortable posting- and they are English words btw. However some 'not bad' common ones are goyatz, shikse, and " is that a cleaning lady?"

I mean ! talk about shocking. come on.