Son wants playdate but friend won't have us?

amother ↓

Wed, Nov 14 2007, 9:22 pm

My son has a neighboorhood friend that he really wants to have a playdate with. He asks me all the time. I have had this friend over several times to my house but the mother will never reciprocate. I know they are a pretty normal family and I don't understand nor do I try to. I just figure Gam Zu Ltova. However, what should I answer my child when he constantly asks me, "Why can't I go to Sruli's house? He always comes here!" I have given him answers like, "Maybe next week," or "I'll call his mother about next week." These are short term answers but don't please him. How can I tell him a permanent no without saying lashon harah about the parents?

Clarissa

Wed, Nov 14 2007, 9:54 pm

This is much better than what I thought the subject might be -- that your son wants very much to play with this boy, but the boy rejects him. This boy likes your son, plays with him, but they just don't invite your son to their house.

There are lots of possibilities. My son, for instance, always wants to play at the other kids' homes. They often have more room and therefore more privacy, there is more freedom for him, he feels, when I'm not around. The layout of our place is not as conducive to playdates as some other homes where there are playrooms or kid bedrooms that work for playing. Some families have babies who are light sleepers (like mine) so it restricts the noise level of the playdate. Maybe the house is filled with children and there's just no way to have a quiet playdate? Maybe the mother is a little uncomfortable about her housekeeping? Maybe there's a sibling with issues and it's just easier to play elsewhere? Maybe you always have really good snacks and your house has better toys?

If this matters to you, you can say something like this to the mom. "Ari would love to play with Sruli soon, and I know Ari would love to see Sruli's toys. Could we arrange something?"

As far as what to tell your son, it's not as if he's being rejected, so you can just say that Sruli likes to play at your house, so that's what they'll do, but maybe some time? At some point, your son will ask Sruli to go to their house, it's inevitable.

In the meantime, start to stock your house with healthy snacks -- raw broccoli, wheat-germ filled cookies, prunes. Trust me, that would any kid to play anywhere else! Twisted Evil

↑ amother

Wed, Nov 14 2007, 10:50 pm

Op here,

I have asked directly and they give me excuses like "I'll let you know when it's good and then they never can set a date." We have been through this for months so that's why I think they just don't want my son to have a playdate at their house. I know they have had playdates with a few other neighboorhood children. I don't think they don't like my son I just don't understand it. The point is I am not trying to figure out the reason I just want to convey to my son that he won't be going over there anytime soon without saying lashan hara or making him feel bad.