WWYD? DH wants to quit job?

amother ↓

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 9:31 pm

For the first two years of our marriage we 'survived' while DH was finishing smicha. I worked full time for the first year and a half (through all 9 months of my pregnancy). Then went back to work part time (with baby in tow to save on babysitting) for the next year. During that time DH finished his masters and to our knowledge was almost done with smicha. So this year to ease the finances (and maybe get out of serious credit card debt that makes me nuts!) DH took another part time job. Which meant he had two jobs that equaled a full time salary. The job he took isn't fullfilling and he wants to quit. He asked me how I felt about this. What am I supposed to say? I told him I obvioulsy want him to be fulfilled but I can only work so much while taking care of dd, our house, and being pregnant. My job doesn't pay a great deal and I grew up with financial problems so it really makes me crazy when he says 'we'll just have to be better about stuff'. How much better can I be without not buying basic needs! I was really looking forward to getting out of debt and saving a bit for when we really need it. Not even anything extravagant like a vacation. I don't know what to tell him. It is his responsibilty.

cindy324

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 10:29 pm

Quote:

How much better can I be without not buying basic needs! I was really looking forward to getting out of debt and saving a bit for when we really need it. Not even anything extravagant like a vacation. I don't know what to tell him. It is his responsibilty.

You answered your own question. Tell him exactly that. You can explain that while he may not feel fulfilled by his current job, you are struggling to make ends meet and it isn't fair of him to expect you to tighten the reigns, when there's no more room for tightening. So until he finds something else, he needs to stay at the job he has, it's not as if YOU have the luxury of quitting YOUR job. Confused

mumoo

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 11:22 pm

If he asked you, he wants your opinion. Tell him. You don't have to feel bad that you are making him do what he doesn't want to do. Anyway, we all have to do what we'd rather not sometimes. I mean, did you really want to go to work with a baby on you and in you? (I've done that myself, it's not easy)

shalhevet

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 3:13 am

I would sympathise with him and tell him you understand he isn't enjoying his work, but you really need the money. You can say that you also worked under less than ideal conditions and you would rather not have to scrimp and save. Why not suggest that he continues with this job, but also looks for something new at the same time, and only leave once he's found something else?

↑ amother

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 3:19 am

My husband left a job where he "really wasn't happy" and it started a downhill slide for him in many directions. things look different when you're unemployed or what you find is even worse than what you left.
I would tell him to strongly reconsider. don't ever underestimate a paying job. and yes, it's his repsonsibilty to support you, not the other way around - that's what's written in the kesuba.

smile

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 5:09 am

you have to tell him clearly how you feel. otherwise he thinks you don't mind and he will leave the job. you might be able to cope first but maybe after a time you will have enough of it and might have a go at him. he will not know what hit him since he never knew how you really felt. and it might cause problems.
Why don't you tell him that he should stay there till he found something else. And if he found something then he could leave.

Tamiri

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 6:55 am

OP am I missing something? Is he suggesting leaving his job BEFORE he finds another which is more satisfying? If he wants to keep working while looking for another - that's great. However, it's highly irresponsible to chuck a job and salary while he has a family to support. If this is the case, you need to tell him NOW that for him to stop work is not something which can be taken into consideration, as long as he has dependants. He is either a male who is mature enough to be a husband, father and provider OR he needs to get that way ASAP.
Credit card debt needs to be taken care of NOW, it gets worse, not better, with time.