Told boss expecting twins? & when did you go back to work?

amother

Gold ↓

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 9:11 am

Hi twin moms!
Did you tell your boss you were expecting twins and if you did, how early? How did he take to it if you did or didn’t tell him?
Additionally, how much after birth did you go back to work and what hours?
I was planning to tell my boss later on, but he pushed me against a wall and said I must specify the exact length of my maternity leave to him. So I to told him that it may take a bit longer to come back regularly because I’m having twins. (meaning the part time hours I had already discussed previously, but I said I might start off with twice a week after six weeks and it will take a bit of time till I come in every day). His reaction was super rude and not very sympathetic. He told me that he knows people with twins and they don’t manage their lives, even with help, and there’s no way I’ll be able to come back. I was really hurt the way he was making it sound like this is my fault and basically he wants me to dismiss myself from the job... Sad

is this normal of a boss?

amother

Ivory ↓

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 9:34 am

Doesn't sound like a very professional boss to me! I wouldn't tell my boss that I'm having twins, but I wouldn't have the expectation to go back to work either. OP, keep in mind that it might not be possible for you to go back to work. Even if you get a nurse, she can't care for both babies at once. And you probably won't get much sleep to be able to function the next day. My mom has twins, it's was absolute chaos the first 1-2 years even with a nurse! The nurse annoyed us so we let her go. So don't have such high expectations.

amother

↑ Gold ↓

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 9:40 am

amother wrote:

OP here, How many children did she have at the time? I have just one who will be almost 3 by then.
I’m planning to take a full time nurse for the first 6-8 months.

rim

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 9:56 am

I had twins and was on bed rest for the last three weeks and had to stop working. They were my first and you bet they kept me on my toes with a nurse for day and night. Couldn’t do much for myself besides babies for the next two years till I sent them to playgroup. They were both colic and boy was that a nightmare. They didn’t sleep through the night and later on when they were crawling one always got into mischief and dragged the other one with him. My body didn’t fully recover back to my full kochos till after a year. I have spoken to others with twins and they all said it was very difficult even when they weren’t colic but some of their temperaments was tamer, your just busy with regular baby stuff, feedings, changing pampers.. so it all depends to each individual how they behave.

amother

Wine ↓

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 9:56 am

B’shaah tovah! Your boss is a jerk and if you are in USA is acting illegally. There is no reason for you to quit your job or take a leave of absence at this point. You’re entitled to your sick leave, and at least six weeks off as parental leave, with or without pay may depend on what state you’re in.

What other MOTs did has nothing to do with anything because every pregnancy is different, as is every delivery, family situation, job, commute, childcare arrangement, and work benefits package. But fwiw, I was old enough to be considered high-risk for that alone, overweight, had been on bed rest for a while, was already exhausted from having two older children, had cesarean, and still went back to work FT —commuting an hour each way—when my twins were 6 weeks old which was as soon as I got the OK from my ob, because I was already paying a sitter to care for the older ones and didn’t need to look for child care. Besides, I needed the money more than ever.

Does this mean you will manage to go back to work in 6 weeks? Not necessarily, but chances are you will.

ETA I didn’t have a baby nurse or household help, my older kids were under 3, my dh worked very long hours and wasn’t home much...it was absolutely hell that first year. But even though it meant scrambling and hustling and always being in a rush, working was what kept me sane. (Did I mention we needed the money? Desperately?) Home all day with 4 under 3? I wouldn’t have survived.

ETA I didn’t tell my boss I was having twins. I didn’t see any reason to. . But you already told your boss so that ship has sailed already. Next time don’t tell him. (What, you didn’t know that if you have one set your chances of having another set are higher? Now you do.)

amother

↑ Gold ↓

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 10:13 am

amother wrote:

Op here, thanks for that! I did not even discuss getting paid (and he will expect me to be on call while I’m out so I still want to work something out with him) but his response was just horrible.

My older kid will be in school already by then and is a good natured kid. I have family nearby to help with the babies and meals and my husband works, but normal hours so he will be in the picture as well. And to those saying that a nurse is there just to help, if she helps with one while I’m busy with the other, I assume it’s still pretty overwhelming but manageable- if I was easily able to go back to work after my first then this may be harder but still doable. I’m planning to go back Monday- Thursday 10-3, which he knew was my plan when I took the job 1.5 years ago and told him then I will do that once my kid starts school, and he was totally fine with it.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 10:45 am

Honestly I went back to work part time 2 weeks after babies where born but was doing the part time from home. I went back full time including traveling for work a few days a month when babies where 8 weeks. I didn’t have a choice I knew I wasn’t cut to be a ftm and I make really good money plus in my job it’s not like someone else can take over for me while I’m out so whatever I missed those 2 weeks where waiting for me when I got back. This is why I never ever take vacation unless the entire business is closed like Yom Tov and stuff.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 2:04 pm

Legally in the US You get FMLA - meaning you have 12 weeks off during which he cannot fire you. BUT:

- if you come back earlier then 12 weeks and then want flex time I'm not sure that is covered under FMLA and your job may not be protected.
- NJ is different as you get an additional 6 weeks of flex time to take off.
- Only larger offices are protected by FMLA - There must be at least 50 employees and you have to have worked for 12 months and 1,250 hours. If those requirments arent' set he isn't obligated to give you the 12 weeks leave time.

amother

Black

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 3:20 pm

First set I went back after 8 weeks, full time. I had a little flexibility from the boss but not much.
2nd set I told my immediate supervisor almost immediately, so they understood why I was having a harder pregnancy than most. They were accommodating, and I am able to take a little extra and am going back part time after 3months.

Nobody can tell you how you will manage. We do not have a nurse helping, and after the initial weeks of community/family support we are on our own. Everyone handles differently and depends on you if you're able to go back to work after. For me, going to work was not an option, it was a given. Did it with my firsts and the only reason I'm part time with my second set is because childcare isn't worth it for full time.

Fox

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 4:58 pm

amother wrote:

What other MOTs did has nothing to do with anything because every pregnancy is different, as is every delivery, family situation, job, commute, childcare arrangement, and work benefits package.

The first thing to do, OP, is to remember that bosses are human, and that simchas for us are not simchas for our bosses. He could certainly handled it better, but he likely felt caught off guard and reacted before he could think it through. All of us have done that in one situation or another.

So don't let his initial reaction determine what your plans. If he's an otherwise good boss and you're a valuable employee, he'll work with you to find a mutually beneficial arrangement. If not, you have your answer.

In addition to the variables Amother mentioned above, you will also need to factor in your own age and stamina; the personalities of your babies; and the kind of work you do.

My twins were born when I was 35, and I went back to work very, very quickly. But the nature of my work at the time involved meetings and writing. I wasn't necessarily tied to a desk all day, and I had some flexibility in arranging my hours. On the other hand, I was long past the age of pulling an all-nighter and being on my game the next day. Three nights a week, I had a night babysitter so I could sleep, and that was a lot more valuable to me than delaying my return to work would have been.

So like everyone else has said, do what works for you and your family.

However, as a PSA to those with twins, my girls got married this year, and I definitely think I need to take some time off work to recover from the whole experience. In fact, an epidural or some serious sedation wouldn't be out of place! Very Happy

amother

↑ Gold

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 6:16 pm

Fox wrote:

Op here, my boss knew from early on that I was having a high risk pregnancy he just didn’t know it’s twins. He was just very rude the way he was putting me down and letting me know that my life will fall apart after they’re born.

TwinsMommy

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 8:24 pm

You COULD take to it VERY VERY well. I was a LOT less overwhelmed with my life working more hours with newborn twins than I am now working fewer hours with 11 year old twins. Even with the crying and the colic and the diapers and the very little sleep, it CAN be done with no help. I would feed and diaper my babies, put them in bouncy seats next to me, rock them with my feet while talking to them, and work. They'd drift off into a nap and I'd REALLY work. When they woke up, I'd feed and diaper them again and play with them a bit and then go back into swings or bouncies, etc. I had 8 hours of babysitting a week but only for a year and a half or so between newborn and preschool age--- no night help ever. My secret was feeding them both at the same time always. Reena would always try to drift off after one ounce and I'd tickle her face and undress her and basically annoy her into eating more so that both babies were FED and I wasn't always feeding a baby. Don't let people scare you into thinking that baby twins plus working is undo-able. It depends on YOU and your babies.