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Becoming frum

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meesi ↓

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 6:20 pm

B"H

Hello everyone,

I am new here and would love to get some advice from all of you. I guess I should give you a bit of background about me first. Both my dh and I were raised Conservative/Orthodox and went to Conservative day schools. Our children are now all in an Orthodox day school and we go to an Orthodox shul. We have decided that we want to do more. We have always kept a kosher home and celebrated the holidays, but we have only been going to shul every Shabbos since last fall and have only recently become completely Shomer Shabbos. We have now started to observe T"H. (My first mikva visit is next week and I am a bit nervous to do everything right, but very excited about the experience. I think it is a beautiful Mitzvah.)

Now for my question- what do you think my next "step" should be? I would love to hear about anyone else's experiences and especially from those who were not raised frum, but became so later in life.

Thank you!!

Chana

Anny

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 6:41 pm

Find a Rav who will guide you!
Get to know an orthodox family (the more, the merrier Smile

)

Congratulations on your achievements!

Tefila

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 6:45 pm

Quote:

I am new here and would love to get some advice from all of you. I guess I should give you a bit of background about me first. Both my dh and I were raised Conservative/Orthodox and went to Conservative day schools. Our children are now all in an Orthodox day school and we go to an Orthodox shul. We have decided that we want to do more. We have always kept a kosher home and celebrated the holidays, but we have only been going to shul every Shabbos since last fall and have only recently become completely Shomer Shabbos. We have now started to observe T"H. (My first mikva visit is next week and I am a bit nervous to do everything right, but very excited about the experience. I think it is a beautiful Mitzvah.)

Quote:

Now for my question- what do you think my next "step" should be?

It's sounds wonderful what you are doing. The mikveh for anyone the first time is intimidating, but afterwards it becomes less and is oh such a beautiful mitzvah. There are 3 specific mitzvahs assigned to us women kosher, taharas hamishpacha and hadlokas neiros. Tznius: ther are books out there on dress and it doesn't mean you have dress shlepy looking trust me.
Married women also cover their hair wether w/h a hat, snood,beret , sheital etc. There are so many choices and colors. Plus you don't need to blowdry or mousse your hair ever again lol

roza ↓

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 9:54 pm

Quote:

only recently become completely Shomer Shabbos. We have now started to observe T"H. (My first mikva visit is next week and I am a bit nervous to do everything right, but very excited about the experience.

that's great!

I think you need to slow down a little. you just started to be completly shomer shabbos and only will go to mikvah next week. Now, TH is not just mikva, and it's not so easy. Keeping Shabbos is also a big step. may be you need to practice TH and Shmirat Shabbos for some time and get comfortable with what you are doing now before taking on something new. Torah classes can be good addition though...
You also have children and a house to take care of. All this takes lot's of energy.
hag sameach

Motek ↓

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 10:08 pm

hi CanadianChana - I think the 3 previous responses, one so different from the next, each offers great advice!

hatzlacha raba (much success) in your journey Smile

zkalan

Fri, Apr 22 2005, 11:10 am

CanadianChana wrote:

B"H

(My first mikva visit is next week and I am a bit nervous to do everything right, but very excited about the experience. I think it is a beautiful Mitzvah.)

Try to go with a friend, or a rebbetzin the first time.

↑ meesi ↓

Mon, May 02 2005, 8:49 am

My first visit to the Mikvah was very nice-it just went by very quickly. I had a "lesson" with the Rebbetzin for about 45 minutes beforehand (while we waited for the water to heat up after Yom Tov last week) and then it was in and out and leave. There was another person waiting, so I did not ask to say a personal prayer before getting out of the water. How do you all make the most of the few minutes? Any suggestions for me? I am just learning, so please don't be shy to give me ideas.

Thanks!

Chana

↑ roza

Mon, May 02 2005, 11:39 pm

ladies stay in water or in the mikvah room as long as they need to tovel and say personal prayers. others will wait. and mikvah lady will wait- she is there to serve you and not to rush you out.
so just take your time, be more confident :-)
it does not mean you stay there for an hour- just take your time.

Pearl ↓

Tue, May 03 2005, 4:29 am

roza, thank you so very much for posting that link to the sferis ha'omer!!!

chana, with time you will find the right way for you to tovel, and you won't be shy to ask time to do it the way you want it!
now, I must admit that so far, never had the pleasure of a nice mikve visit Crying

I don't enjoy it too much, and that's because of the mikve building and the mikve lady, but still grateful it's there!

queenie ↓

Tue, May 03 2005, 10:07 pm

Canadian Chana, may I ask where you live? I can direct you to many places or people. I think what you are doing is great and it seems well thought out not too rushed. I hope your kids are ok with things too.

You are very lucky that you and your husband, or so it seems are on the same path together.

I think learning is always the key. Learning chumash or more spiritual things are great but as a woman not brought up frum you really have to know halacha. It's the only way not to become too fanatical and save yourself from what my friends and I call, "A flaming baal teshuva."

I can't stand those holy than thou types. Learning keeps you grounded and helps you grow at the same time.

↑ meesi ↓

Tue, May 03 2005, 10:51 pm

Hi Queenie,

Thanks for your reply. I am yet another Montrealer (I see that there are many of us here Smile

) Yes, I feel very lucky that my dh is supportive of this. It helps that we were both brought up in Jewish homes and where a Jewish education was priority one. We are both fluent in Hebrew, studied Torah in school, etc. My maternal grandparents were both Holocaust survivors, so Jewish identity has always been important in my home. Shabbat dinner was always a VERY big deal in both my parents' and dh's homes and my dh's sister has been Shomer Shabbos since her early teens, so it is not like we are starting from scratch.

As for our children, they are still very young (10, 7 1/2 and 6) and they go to an Orthodox day school, so they are enthusiastic about all of this. They are even very familiar with our shul because their school is in the same building, so they are there daily. They are learning Hebrew, Torah, holidays, etc. every day.

Yes, the process has been gradual and dh and I have made sure that we were BOTH comfortable with each step before moving on to the next one.

As for learning, I am continuously reading and talking to people. I have learned a lot simply from reading Aish.com, asking questions on AskMoses.com, and meeting people online- the wonders of modern technology! I have also read several books that I have either read about online or that have been recommended to me.

I have no worries about becoming a "flaming baal teshuvah". I don't even label myself as B"T. I am simply someone who was born Jewish, raised Jewish, and given a Jewish education, who wants to become more observant in the practice my religion and raise my family in a home that is even more "Jewish" than my parents' home was.

I welcome any advice/ideas/experiences/recommendation that any of you would like to share.

Thanks to everyone who has replied to my posts so far!!

Sincerely,

Chana

↑ queenie

Thu, May 05 2005, 12:39 am

cdnchana,

You should be giving me advice. I don't have 3 kids, your kids are older than mine, you speak hebrew and I don't, you have a more solid background than me and you have been married longer.

I am sorry, what was the question again? oh yeah, I would try to get out and meet other people in the community and be a part of the frum community. If you have 3 kids that go to an orthodox school then you probably already have. Most parent's meet some of the friends through their kids. I would also try to establish who is your rav. You need someone to turn to for questions, quidance and support.

There are also many different hashgachas to follow and you and your husband have to decide which way will you follow.

↑ meesi ↓

Thu, May 05 2005, 5:45 pm

LOL Queenie. I try not to give advice unless asked a specific question 8)
My kids go to an "Orthodox" school that is attached to an Orthodox shul, but there are very few frum families there. I am not sure what percentage is shomer shabbos or even keeps kosher. It is just the only Jewish school in the area, so that is where people send their kids if they want them to have a Jewish education. Very few back up what their children learn in school at home. Don't get me started on that topic... Confused

Yes, I am starting from a good place, having a Jewish and Hebrew education, but so much is missing... I love Shabbat and T'H is a very meaningful observance, but I am just not sure where to go from here. Were you raised in an Orthodox family? There is so much that I don't know- all the daily practices like washing in the morning, how to cut your fingernails, etc.

I am still open to any suggestions from any of you.

Thanks for your help!

Chana

jbyklyn007

Sun, Jun 19 2005, 1:06 am

Here's a link to the Ohr Someach chapter in Montreal http://ohr.edu/yhiy/article.php/1049

They offer classes and hands on guidance in Living Jewishly.

A very important resource to utilize is to have a Rabbi. As the Mishnah in Avos says, "Aseh Lecho Rav" meaning, get yourself a Rabbi.

Good luck.

queen

Sun, Jun 19 2005, 9:18 pm

meesi, you sound like a very positive and wonderful person! I'm so glad you enjoyed going to mikva and found it spiritually uplifting. Personally I really like mikva night although waiting those 12 days can be tough!

JEWISHMAMA

Mon, Jun 20 2005, 4:03 am

WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS AN AMAZING THING AND WILL MAKE YOU FEEL REALLY GOOD. MY PARENTS ARE NOT RELIGIOUS AT ALL AND I STARTED BECOMING RELIGIOUS WHEN I WAS ABOUT 11 YEARS OLD WITH THE HELP OF MY BEST FRIEND. AS TO WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT I WAS THINKING ABOUT TEFILLAH OR SAYING TEHILLIM. WHEN THINGS WERE TOUGH FOR ME IE COVERING MY HAIR OR NOT WEARING PANTS, I DAVEN AND IT HELPS YOU GET THROUGH THRU THE ´TOUGH RULES´. AFTER A WHILE EVERTHING BECOMES 2ND NATURE.
I LOVE GOING TO THE MIKVE AND THE FEELING I GET WHEN MY HEAD COMES OUT OF THE WATER IS LIKE I´M A NEW PERSON ALL OVER AGAIN.

↑ meesi

Mon, Jun 20 2005, 9:14 pm

Thank you, Queen. People do tell me that I am "always smiling". Of course, it is not "always", but B'H I have my health, a wonderful dh, three healthy children, a wonderful family, and the freedom to "live Jewishly". What more could anyone ask for?

Chana Very Happy

↑ Pearl

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 6:43 am

meesi!!!!

↑ Motek

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 8:45 am

meesi wrote:

What more could anyone ask for?

Moshiach?

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