Just for laughs! | Imamother

↑ Jewishfoodie ↓

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 9:19 am

And one more 'blonde' joke..

A blonde rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

PinkFridge ↓

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 9:38 am

penguin wrote:

If people are posting these blond jokes, does that mean that un-PC jokes are okay?

Sorry if someone answered but I think that blonde is used generically. I have this clean joke book that has a bunch of ethnic jokes but they tell them about IIRC- not making this up - Elbonians. (No, that's Dilbert. Some similar made up thing though.)

↑ PinkFridge

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 10:11 am

A guy's driving in Southern California and gets pulled over.

The policeman says, "Congratulations! We're pulling over random drivers who are driving really well and giving them a $100 gift certificate. Here you go. What do you think you'll use yours for?"

The driver says, "Well, I've always wanted to get my license. Maybe I'll go to Secretary of State tomorrow."

The guy's wife leans over and says, "Pay him no mind, Officer, he always talks like that when he's drunk."

Which wakes up the passenger in the back who takes a look at the policemen, blanches, and moans, "I knew we'd never get far in a stolen car!"

Just then there's banging from the trunk and a voice says, in Spanish, "Are we there yet?"

↑ Grateful2bhere

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 8:35 am

An out of town tourist visits Israel.

He gets into a taxi, & the Israeli taxi driver asks, "where do you want to go?"

The tourist says, "please take me to the place where people go, & they cry a lot & pray there"
The taxi driver says, "Sure".

They get to they're destination, the tourist gets out, dropped of at the Misrad HaPnim Israeli government office.

😀

↑ Jewishfoodie ↓

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 9:42 am

Grateful2bhere wrote:

In America, the Uber would have dropped him off at the loan department of a bank

↑ Jewishfoodie ↓

Sun, Mar 11 2018, 1:31 pm

True story!

(it was told to me by a relative of the people this happened to. I have yet to come across a funnier true story.)

4 married sisters were in an elevator in Manhattan, on a day of shopping together.

Suddenly, the door opens on a lower floor and in walks a huge man with an even huger dog. The man looked quite menacing to these 4 young women and they quickly moved to the back of the elevator to give the dog and his owner more room. (or to get away from the dog?)

Suddenly, in the very silent elevator, the man shouted, "SIT!"

All 4 sisters immediately sat down on the floor of the elevator.

It was only after the man burst into spontaneous giggling that they realized he was talking to his dog....

↑ observer ↓

Sun, Mar 11 2018, 8:26 pm

Jewishfoodie wrote:

That is scary that they were so submissive to him

↑ Sunny Days ↓

Sun, Mar 11 2018, 8:47 pm

dh prepares himself a coffee. while he's mixing the sugar and coffee granules with hot water a guy accidently bumps into him and it spills all over his pants, shoes and rekel. he washes off his burn (his BURN! you know) and tries getting the sticky coffee mush off hes clothes.
all done and he heads to the mikvah. starts getting undressed and freaks out when he notices his underwear all brown...

Last edited by Sunny Days on Mon, Jun 11 2018, 11:43 am; edited 1 time in total

imasoftov ↓

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 3:17 am

Jewishfoodie wrote:

Urban legend but kudos to whoever along the chain of transmission edited out the racism.

But the thing I find most interesting is how the four men and one woman in the first version of the legend Snopes posted have turned into four women and one man. That it moved from Las Vegas to Manhattan is just local adaptation.

Last edited by imasoftov on Wed, Mar 14 2018, 8:11 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ Jewishfoodie ↓

Tue, Mar 13 2018, 9:02 pm

imasoftov wrote:

[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/hit-the-floor/]Urban legend[/url] but kudos to whoever along the chain of transmission edited out the racism.

But the thing I find most interesting is how the four men and one woman in the first version of the legend Snopes posted have turned into four women and one man. That it moved from Las Vegas to Manhattan is just local adaptation.

So my people are liars, or comediennes. Lol! They are honest people so I do believe it happened. Hey, ima's, if anyone can validate this story, that would be awesome! 4 sisters.. Wake up...

I came here Cuz I was bummed by the dreams thread.. So I'm gonna try to cheer myself up with a joke..

So a wife's birthday was coming up and she coyly said to her husband..

"Hey, so I had this dream last night, where you got me a diamond necklace..."

He said, "You'll have to wait until you get your present tonight...."

She was thrilled all day.

At night, he handed her a wrapped box. Her excitement knew no bounds. She ripped off the wrapping paper and opened the box... To find a book entitled, "Understanding your dreams. "

Another happy woman out there...

↑ penguin ↓

Tue, Mar 13 2018, 9:11 pm

Quote:

I never thought he would get married. In the end he got married more times than all of us

To which my co-worker commented that someone she knew said:
"When my sister told me she was getting married for the third time, I told her I'm really busy right now, I'll come to the next wedding."

↑ observer

Wed, Mar 14 2018, 7:54 am

What do you wish someone for Pesach? Chag kasher v'sameach.

What do you wish someone who will be spending Pesach with in-laws? Chag Kasher.

What do you wish someone who will be going to a hotel for Pesach? Chag sameach.

What do you wish someone who is going to a hotel WITH the in-laws for Pesach? Chag.

[no offense to anyone going to a hotel or any in laws. Just repeating the joke as I heard it]