taking children to shul

shabbatiscoming ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 2:27 am

when is a good age to take your children to shul?

I remmeber growing up that I went with my father on a friday night even when I was possibly 4 or 5 and I sat with him (fine, I ran around a bit but it was not in the sanctuary of the shul).

I think that the young age is good for young kids to go to shul, so that they get to see the aveera of shul, to know what it is all about, even if they can not even read the siddur yet.

I know a family who has a son who is 11 and the son has never set foot into shul. they say that when he is bar mitzvahed he will go. dont you think that that is a bit too late to get someone interested in going to shul?

Atali

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 2:38 am

My husband asked this question to his mashpia who said that one can start taking a child to shul when they will (usually, not necessarily always) sit still and not disrupt others. My DH takes my two and a half year old boy (who, by the way is normally very active) to shul for mincha/maariv sometimes and he is usually so excited to be in shul that he behaves quite well and even says shema with DH at maariv.

Marion

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 3:57 am

My DH usually takes our son to shul Friday night for Kabbalat Shabbat. Depending on how playful he's feeling, they may or may not stay for Ma'ariv. As long as there's music (read singing), DS is fine and "sings" along, and nobody minds. DH takes him out for the drasha...nobody expects a one year old to sit quietly for that! When we're in Jerusalem we'll sometimes take him in the morning too, but only because we have some protekzia there...no one would kick the Rabbi's grandson out of shul! That said however, I also won't keep him in shul if he starts being fussy.

greenfire

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 6:01 am

I have brought my kids to shul very young ... and they had to sit next to me with a siddur and at least say brochos and shema ... more and more as they got older - they always behaved ... didn't run around ... and definately learned to be daveners ... when they were going through a "stage" or had a baby didn't go ... and there is an eruv here so when they were they got a "pekele" which they could eat quietly after davening

Sunangel

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 1:13 pm

I think it is very important for children to be in a shul enviornment. My Em Bayit from Seminary used to keep her baby in our Beit Medresh all day. She said it was good for the baby to be a kedushah place. The baby never disturbed us and if she did cry, her Mummy removed her. I feel the same way about shul. It is such an important part of Jewish life and if parents handle it responisbly, children should be going as soon as they are born. Personally, I have never minded children or babies being in shul...they are the most important parts of our community.

chen

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 9:40 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I know a family who has a son who is 11 and the son has never set foot into shul. they say that when he is bar mitzvahed he will go. dont you think that that is a bit too late to get someone interested in going to shul?

what planet are these people from? seriously, they can't be frum, can they? what are they waiting for? what makes them think he'll be interested in going at 13 if he's never gone before? Do they go regularly? and what kind of service (no pun intended) do they think they're doing him by keeping shul a mysterious and unfamiliar place until he reaches his majority? do they hope it'll become irresistibly fascinating and he'll think "I can't wait to be 13 so I can get into a shul" the way lehavdil some youths think "I can't wait to be 21 so I can get into a bar"?

The whole thing makes no sense. If I wanted to be a cynic I'd say they don't want to be bothered going themselves so they're using him as an excuse.

UNLESS--does the boy suffer from a condition such as autism or ADHD that makes him behave in a socially unacceptable or disruptive manner? In that case, I can understand their wish to keep him home as long as possible--whether or not that's the wisest course of action.

However--it's never too late. there's only "later than ideal"--but the delay does not mean that they've missed the boat and ruined his life forever.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 11:16 am

chen wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

chen, very interesting questions that you asked. well, this family is a charedi family and the father goes every day and shabbat, the regular way men go to shul. for some reason they have never made it mandatory for the son to go to shul and I agree with you. he is not going to want to al of a sudden go to shul when he is 13. I guess to their thinking, he will start wearing a black hat and with that comes shul?????? I have no idea but I agree with yhou completely. I always tell my husband that I dont get this family and that shul is a wonderful experience for a young child, even if they dont know whats really flying, they are getting a taste of what it is all about.