having kids in your thirties

heidi ↓

Wed, May 14 2014, 12:26 am

In America being pregnant over 35 is considered advanced maternal age. In Israel having a baby at 40 is considered completely normal. My ob told me it's not considered advanced maternal age till closer to 45!!! That said, it is a well known fact that the percentage of chromosomal abnormalities in fetuses skyrockets if maternal age is 35 or over.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, May 14 2014, 1:04 am

heidi wrote:

AFAIK, that's all that "advanced maternal age" means -- that there are more chromosomal abnormalities past that point, so insurance companies will pay for more testing. It's not a judgment that the mother is considered "old." I had a baby at 35, and my OB, who also had kids in her late 30s, cracked jokes about it.

OB the original question, medical science allows women to have babies later and later, even after menopause. In the past year alone, I have met women who had babies at 56, 50 and 49. All (babies and moms) are currently in good health. BH. But I do think about down the line. Will your husband be able to shoot hoops with the son who was born when he was 52? Are you going to be teaching your daughter to skate when you're in your 60s? Are you going to have the energy to take kids to the park, handle play dates, stay up all night, yadda yadda yadda into your 60s? What arrangements are you making for the child's future if you and your spouse would be well into your 70s by time your child completes college?

There's a lot to think about.

ReallyRosie

Wed, May 14 2014, 4:02 am

In Israel "over 35" is also advanced age - in that they start recommending additional tests, and pointing out the likelihood of chromosomal abnotnalities.

Although, when both my obgyn and tipat halav nurse started explaining about the tests (amnio, blood tests) they quickly cut themselves off and said "oh, but you're religious, so you won't be interested in these tests." Really. shock

m in Israel ↓

Wed, May 14 2014, 6:45 am

There is no specific magical number in this. It is not like at age 34 your chances of issues are x% and then all of a sudden at 35 it jumps. The point is that as a woman gets older there are certain risk factors that increase, including greater risk for high BP or gestational diabetes, higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities in the baby, etc. These risks increase with each year, with the risks at age 40 being more than age 35, and 45 being more than 40. For example the risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome at age 40 is 1 in 400 and at age 49 is all the way up to 1 in 12.

mommy9

Wed, May 14 2014, 9:53 am

tenma wrote:

I had my youngest at 43. The pregnancy was harder than when I was younger. But I am thrilled and so grateful to have my beautiful daughter.

Same here only mine is a boy. I have less energy but more help! I also don't think not being able to shoot hoops with a child is a reason not to have one.

polenta girl

Wed, May 14 2014, 10:24 am

I think it's most important to remember that all children at any age are a bracha and a zechus- if you look at it that way- you only get what you can handle so you bring whatever knowledge, strength and love you have to your parenting at that age.

We have to remember that not everyone has choices about when to have their children...if they are given any at all.

Every stage in life brings it's own set of challenges - I think having kids in your thirties whether they are your firsts or your lasts...all amazing brachos! Enjoy them!

Personally, I'm still going in my upper thirties and thankful to Hashem for that!

↑ amother ↓

Wed, May 14 2014, 10:33 am

My mom had her last kid at 45. BH. everything was fine with baby and mommy. She wanted sooo much to finish the family with a healthy child, cause one before was born with a rare type of syndrome and lots of problems : Sad

. She was definitely high risk cause of her age. She had diabetes during pregnancy which is common at this age. The doctor said it might come back 10 years later. Unfortunately it came back. Now years later , its controlled but she has to be on top of it. She is taking pills to control the sugar, and going every few months to doctor to be on top of it. She was definitely thrilled to complete her family with a healthy child. Very Happy

. Regarding this joke ur talking about , when she married off child number 4 she had a newborn baby!!! LOL

he was born 2 months before the wedding.
Now he needs a shiddach..... My mom is almost 65 and my father few years older. Not easy but BH. BH.

Factory Girl ↓

Wed, May 14 2014, 9:53 pm

I love some of the comments here. I am loving all the women who started having kids (or still having them in their 40's ) I got married in my late 20 ' and I'm in my 30 ' now. And have been paranoid about being "'older".. specially since I had a miscarriage last week. Thank u for giving me back the hope that left me when I miscarried

Miri1

Wed, May 14 2014, 10:17 pm

heidi wrote:

It doesn't skyrocket. There is an incremental increase with the progression of age. There's no sudden skyrocket the day a woman turns 35. 35 is simply the age chosen by the medical community to mark "advanced maternal age". The risk is greater, but the risk has been increasing throughout the 30's and even the 20's.

ElTam

Wed, May 14 2014, 11:09 pm

I had my kids at 33, 36, and 39. Each pregnancy was definitely harder. All my kids are healthy B"H. By number 3 I used to joke about how old I was to my OB, and he always told me how many women he had in his practice who were in their 40s having their first baby.

As the post above said, risk of birth defects does rise as the woman ages. Research is showing it also rises as the father ages. It doesn't skyrocket. There are charts you can google on the internet if that is your concern.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, May 15 2014, 6:13 am

heidi wrote:

Apologies to all for the word "skyrocket." I guess I was overstating. The fact remains however that there is a definite rise in the chances for a chromosomal defect for every year over age 35. Better?

There is an increase in the likelihood of chromosome conditions every year. From 20 to 21 there is an increase. From 21 to 22 there is an increase etc.
For a woman who is 40, there is a 98% chance the baby will not have a chromosome condition.
Do you know why 35 became the magic number? It's because when amniocentesis started, it wasn't a safe as it is today. So the obstetricians said that the age when the risk of miscarriage from an amnio was about equal to the liklihood that the baby had a chromosome condition was 35. Since that's a mouthful, it became known as advanced maternal age.

↑ m in Israel

Thu, May 15 2014, 6:49 am

heidi wrote:

Better, but still misleading. The complete fact is there is a rise in the chances for a chromosomal defect each year a woman ages. There is no statistical or medical significance to 35 vs. 32 or 38-- just a practical policy one in terms of when to begin more screening, etc.

Ema of 5

Thu, May 15 2014, 7:47 am

polenta girl wrote:

I only read until this post, but I must tell you why went through my head.
A few thing....
1. Yes every child is a Bracha, and I don't think anyone will argue with that.
2. "You only get what you can handle" just doesn't sit well with me, in this, or any other for that matter, situation. Yes, Hashem is in control and yes He knows what's best for us, but sometimes it just gets to be too much.
3. "Not everyone has choices about when to have their children" I think it's quite apparent that we don't really have a choice at all. We do our best, our hishtadlus, and if Hashem wants us to not/have a child, we won't/will. It goes along with my feelings about "getting what you can handle." Just read some of the threads here.....there are plenty if people who can't handle their situation, whatever it is.
4. I don't think anyone said it's not a Bracha. Being harder doesn't mean it's not a Bracha. The risk of having problems in pregnancy go up with the age if the mother, that's all.