Girls in class being mean to my daughter

amother ↓

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 9:18 pm

My 2nd grader is one of only 4 girls in her class. We were new to the school last year. The other kids have always been together. My 3rd grade daughter just told me that the other girls are always mean to her sister. During lunch they move away from her. She told me they make her sit at the "meat" table, even though she has a dairy lunch b/c they don't want to sit with her. They whisper about her. They don't play with her. My 2nd grader is very quiet and a little insecure. But, she has never given any indication that this was going on. I knew she was not really friends with any of the other girls, but had no idea they were being so mean (she plays with my other daughters and their friends on the playground) At lunch, they must sit with their grade at a table.

Why haven't any teachers noticed my daughter sitting alone? Shouldn't they encourage the kids to be nice to each other?

DH is talking to the menahel tomorrow. Any advice?

Squash

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 9:28 pm

This is so painful. Sad

I think you should also talk directly to the teacher. My dd is in kindergarten, not as bad as your dd, but one girl calling her fat (she IS chubby) and ugly, and disgucting clothes... basically making her miserable. I did speak to the teacher, who was very glad that I called.

I guess it's much worse when it's such a small group, and worse stuff is being done,also.

My dear sister gave me this piece of advice: (she's much older than I am and more experienced) When you send your kid to school, you're sending her into the jungle. If you won't stick up for them and protect them, noone will. And sadly, that is very true.

HUGS to you, and hope it gets better and your daughter becomes one of the popular ones.

Tefila

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 9:55 pm

Quote:

During lunch they move away from her. She told me they make her sit at the "meat" table, even though she has a dairy lunch b/c they don't want to sit with her. They whisper about her. They don't play with her

The teacher never realized or where is she Crying

and

Quote:

My dear sister gave me this piece of advice: (she's much older than I am and more experienced) When you send your kid to school, you're sending her into the jungle. If you won't stick up for them and protect them, noone will. And sadly, that is very true.

1)Honestly I try to give my kids the armour to deal with if any onslaughts that may ome their way.
Since neigther mummy Tatty or teachers evidently or not there at all times on all occassions.

2)But in this case it's hard unless the teacher steps in.

3)Another thing is you can become an ultra nice mummy and invite them over to a party and you know kids will say your mummy is so nice. And then hopefully it will grow. Hatzlacha Wink

cip

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 10:19 pm

mabey a play date with one of the girls. or talk to one of the girls mothers you feel comfortable with and mabey she can speak to her daughter to make your daughter feel more welcomed in the class. bringing a game from home to play at recess might work. or special snack, markers to share, etc.
good luck and I hope everything works for the best real soon.

↑ amother

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 10:51 pm

When my dd tells me about kids teasing her or being unfriendly to her I sympathize with her then teach her some skills to be able to deal with it. For example, when she complained that other girls on the bus boss her around I told her to look them in the face and firmly and confidently say to them, ''I am my own boss. You don't need to tell me what to do" (they tell her to sit straight, keep her legs in the seat, not turn around, etc.)
She came galloping home one day, so excited that she had asserted herself! Her face was beaming! Now, instead of her coming home and crying to me how kids are being mean to her, etc. she is feeling so much better! Recently, a girl told her she looks funny. So I told her, hm, she thinks you're funny? that's her problem. To me you look absolutely beautiful, I don't see that you look funny. And if anyone ever tells you that you look funny, you gotta look them in the eye and say, "(what you just said is hurtful.) I do not look funny, and please don't say that to me again."
I think it's very important to teach our children to stand up for themselves, and not let others walk over them. Also, that when others are saying or doing things that are hurtful, that it is 'their' problem, and not yours.

mumoo ↓

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 11:38 pm

Definitely advocate for your daughter. Making playdates is an excellent idea. Supporting her unconditionally is so important. Social success is crucial for healthy development. Ask anybody who had a difficult childhood. It hurts.

I had a hard time understanding this pain as I had a pretty successful social circle, but one of my dds has been targeted since 2nd grade. She's Bas Mitzvah now and it is still not perfect, but she has a small, loyal group of friends and has learned to mostly ignore the girls who, she now realizes, really have the problem.