I need help with " the talk"

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Abi Meleibt ↓

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 1:57 pm

My son is growing up (12) I feel its time for us to have " the talk". My dh doesnt feel comfortable doing it and I don't mind I feel pretty close to my son but I m not sure where to start. How much info does he need to know?I don't want to talk to him about s.x I don't see it necessary. Please help!! From a lost Mama.

bamamama ↓

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 2:38 pm

Abi Meleibt wrote:

So exactly what are you planning to tell him if he asks about erections and nocturnal emissions?

chani8

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 2:45 pm

What do you want him to know about?

greenfire ↓

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 3:12 pm

how do you plan to cut this 'talk' in half ...

you'll grow hair & get smelly so use deodorant

where's the vital part - so he doesn't think he's wetting his bed or he's abnormal in his properly functioning body ...

his father doesn't feel comfortable - that's a shame because he's probably more apt at explaining why the pen!s gets hard and what to do if he has 'wet' dreams - considering he's got similar body parts

you can get a video [or whatever they're called these days] and have him watch it

↑ Abi Meleibt

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 3:48 pm

Wow you guys are so helpful! Such aggresivity!! I was looking for advice condemnation!!

↑ greenfire ↓

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 3:53 pm

sorry - let's try again ...

they have special videos where the parents watch with the kids - on zex education ... they're simple and goal oriented ... our bodies change as we age and there's nothing to be embarrassed about and this is why

it's a good time to get him a goody bag with toothbrush, deodorant and make him feel like it's all part of normal hygiene & growing up

good luck !!!

↑ bamamama

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 7:06 pm

Abi Meleibt wrote:

Wow you guys are so helpful! Such aggresivity!! I was looking for advice condemnation!!

I just think it's foolish to keep information from people about their own bodies and s-xuality.

imamiri

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 7:15 pm

If he's 12, there's likely someone in his peer group who knows what sx is. Would you rather have him find out from another kid?

MaBelleVie

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 8:23 pm

I'm sure you can explain his bodily changes in the context of becoming a man and preparing to father a child. It's not strictly necessary at this stage to know exactly how a child is conceived.

Raisin

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 8:28 pm

oy. I would have no clue what to say to a boy, not having been one myself- luckily my husband is not scared of that stuff.

Good luck.

imasinger

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 8:58 pm

I talked to my DS at around that time, as my DH, his stepfather, wasn't comfortable, and I didn't want to leave it to my ex.

When he had been younger, I had told him that when a mommy and daddy were ready, with Hashem's help, the daddy would put some special stuff in the mommy, and that would mix with a special, tiny egg inside the mommy, and then a baby could grow. So he knew about that, and I left it there.

Greenfire had it all, so I'll just repeat it in a less flippant style.

I told him that growing up meant some physical changes. I described where hair would grow, and stressed the need for daily showers and deodorant. I told him that sometimes he might have dreams that would leave him with wet underwear, but that didn't mean he was having accidents like a little kid.

I told him that he might start to get interested n girls, but that was a feeling to keep in control until he was old enough to marry. I reminded him that his bris was a sign in part of the mitzvah for Jewish men to control themselves in this way.

A lot of the rest, he learned from gemora.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 9:05 pm

OP, does he have a rebbe that he trusts? Maybe you could call the rebbe and explain your dilemma, and have him talk with your DS. After that, you can ask your DS if he has any questions that you could help him with.

I'm sorry your DH is not feeling up to the task. That must be really difficult for all of you. Hug

You sound like a great mom.

↑ greenfire

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 9:16 pm

imasinger wrote:

Greenfire had it all, so I'll just repeat it in a less flippant style.

they call me flippant, flippant faster than lightning, no-one you see, is crasser than she Music

vintagebknyc

Sun, Aug 11 2013, 11:01 pm

imamiri wrote:

If he's 12, there's likely someone in his peer group who knows what sx is. Would you rather have him find out from another kid?

if he's 12, I promise you he's had erections and noctural emissions.

sorry to be snarky here, but you DH has to put on his big boy panties and do this task.

Ruchel

Mon, Aug 12 2013, 7:58 am

Yes, dad has to be a dad here.

But no, not all 12 year old have reached puberty. It seems on Imamother kids have a really early puberty onset Wink

but IRL he may well not have yet.

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