My son disgusts me! I hate him sometimes!

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 11:41 am

He is 6. When he is overstimulated he just flips out and acts weirdly! I could never take him to a crowded play area with other children, he wouldn't know how to act normal. He also has proprioceptive sensory issues, and it makes him touch people all the time. Sometimes he does inappropriate things for sensory gratification. He once licked another child on his privates! (We have explored the idea that my son was possibly molested, no need to bring that up.) I've caught him licking my baby's ears, more than once. I have a hard time getting him away from the baby sometimes, he's constantly in the baby's face, etc. Sometimes I will have to forcefully remove him off of my baby. I feel like I want to throw him against the wall or hurt him when he won't leave the baby alone! (I never would, but that's how angry I feel!!) He sticks his tongue out a lot and wiggles it around or puts his index finger to his lips and rubs it back and forth and makes noises. All the tongue and mouth stuff is an emotional trigger for me because it takes me back to that terrible day when he did what he did to that other child. I am working with a therapist and getting help, but I just needed a safe place to vent. Please offer me your support, I could really use it now. Crying

Gerbera

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 12:03 pm

That must be so difficult for you. I am sorry to hear about what you have been feeling and experiencing. It must be hard to have those feelings towards your child, that you love. Are there any support groups you could join or forums online for support from people experiencing what you are going through? Maybe they can offer some resources or suggestions? You don't want him to sense your resentment or anger for doing things which sounds like he may not be able to fully control. I wish I could offer more in terms of advice or suggestions....I hope things get a bit easier and that you are able to find some solutions. It doesnt sound like an easy or good situation for you or him.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 12:29 pm

Is he getting OT for this? A good OT who specializes in sensory issues will work wonders.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 12:33 pm

Yor child sounds like a textbook ASD . The licking is very likely not from molestation but due to sensory processing issues .
The more you learn the more your tolerance and understanding will grow.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 12:37 pm

The baby smells good and has a yummy squishy texture to him. It probably feels like a gigantic marshmellow to a child with ASD or SPD , he means no harm ....really.

Mama Bear

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 12:41 pm

To echo what's been said above... he can use some OT or even oral sensory therapy. I have a vibrating teether I stick into my 4 yr old's mouth when he starts mouthing stuff.

Your son can also use some calming vitamins to keep him contained - Maxi Health has some great stuff.

hatzlovcha.

flowerpower ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 12:44 pm

I'm sure it must be hard for you to watch him like this! I hope that he has a good ot that knows what he/ she is doing. He also goes to the baby because the baby cant attack him. When going to noisy overstimulating places, perhaps he can wear headphones and be at a quieter area and you prepare him for it beforehand? What kind of school does he go to?

markmywords ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 1:14 pm

Boy, can I relate.
My son has ADHD, and I often feel like I can't take him places.
Many people don't understand that he's impulsive and acts before he thinks and means no harm. He also invades the space of others and acts strange compared to others, and so they stay away from him. It really hurts me and at times I am so angry with him for having this issue.
It's been a real challenge for me to be able to stick up for him when I feel no one else does. I've always strove to fit in and here is my challenge: raising a child who just doesn't, no matter how hard I try.
The OT/suggestion sound good.
Right now I try to stick around those that accept him with his quirkiness (my friends and their kids), as few as they may be.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 2:08 pm

I am the OP. Thank you for your support, all of you. I started him with some OT earlier this year but I didn't like the therapist. She dressed very inappropriately and I also didn't see how her running him through tunnels was going to help him. Also the way the therapy place handled the paperwork made me very uncomfortable. They wrote down that he had ADHD. I said, "Why are you writing that? He hasn't been diagnosed with that." They said, "Oh, we need to write some kind of diagnosis for insurance purposes." Anyway, whether right or wrong, I never went back.

I had to take my son out of school because after the "incident" with the other child, they didn't want him in school anymore. This was in early September, and has been home with me all this past year. He is still home with me for "mommy camp" because I can't send him to camp with his issues. I also had a 3 yr old home with me (now 4) and the baby, who is now 1 but was 3 months old when my 6 yr old was asked to leave school (he was 5 then). I'm telling you all this info because I'm trying to say that I was very overwhelmed this year being home with 3 kids and I didn't do the right thing for the 6 yr old, therapy-wise. We DID go on lots of field trips and did fun stuff together, but therapy-wise, I didn't do so great. I DID find a good Jewish special needs school where he will start B'E"H this school year.

I took him to a regular therapist earlier in the year and he had some sessions but mostly we were trying to ascertain whether or not he had been molested (still don't have an answer on that one). There is a group of child psychologists that I know of who work with special needs kids and give diagnoses, I really need to make an appointment with them. I also have my own issues, I've been overwhelmed (see above paragraph) and a little daunted by the idea of getting an official diagnosis.

anyway, if you've read this far, thanks for "listening." And THANK YOU AGAIN for all of your replies. They mean so much to me and gave me chizuk.

MaBelleVie

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 2:27 pm

Wow, that sounds incredibly tough.

I understand that you had an unpleasant experience at the therapy center you tried. But I strongly recommend that you get some recommendations for an excellent OT. The right one can literally change your lives.

Also, have you read up on SPD? The out of sync child and Raising a sensory smart child are two great books.

↑ markmywords ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 2:29 pm

You might find yourself relieved to get a diagnosis. It can mean getting him an IEP and therapy services through the dept of Ed.
Lots of kids in my son's school have one. It's not a stigma because no one but the staff know and it actually protects your son. I found the school became less judgemental and more willing to work with us to help once they saw we weren't trying to sweep the issues under the rug.

CPenzias ↓

Fri, Jul 20 2012, 3:55 pm

Hi, I'm new to this forum. This is my first reply, yay! Smile

I just wanted to tell you that I also have a 6 year old...he's also quirky...he has a LOT of energy Kn"h more than other 6 year olds. For example, he goes to camp all day and is outside in the heat but instead of coming home tired he asks to go to the park!

I just wanted to tell you that I sort of understand what you're going through. He's my only child as of now so I can't relate in that you have 3 kids and I don't but I can say that I sent him to a real school for pre-k and it was a nightmare! Oh my gosh, a nightmare. I was getting phone calls everyday telling me my son did this and my son did that...I was going crazy. (And that was after I took him to a neurologist as per the schools request and he was diagnosed with PDD) The school accepted him anyway so tough on them now. I had an appointment to try to get him services in December and I got half a day at a pre school for students with behavioral issues. I felt so sad sending him to a public school. The second half of the day he stayed in the yeshiva and I had to hire an aide for him...spend more money that I didn't have. I was so stressed and crying all the time. (I kept him in the yeshiva because I was afraid that they wouldn't give me back my money that I had given them)

To make a long story short, he got a full day of kindergarten last year and I kept him in public school also going to a hebrew tutor on my own twice a week. This coming year they are moving him to a less restrictive environment because he's doing well B"h. I am keeping him in public school the yeshivas don't know how to deal with kids who don't "fit the mold" (whatever that means) and it's really hard...but on the bright side, I'm saving 12 grand.

Is sending your son to public school an option if need be? Well anyway, I just remembered that you said you have a school for next year so it should be with all good things and he should do well there! Good luck! I hope it gets better...when you find him the right therapist you'll have tactics and strategies of what to do with him and his quirkyness...it's not going away so you may as well embrace it! Tongue Out

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Jul 21 2012, 5:21 pm

Please get a diagnosis ASAP. Medication will change both your lives for the better.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Jul 21 2012, 9:42 pm

OP- I relate to how you feel when you see your son licking the baby. I was surprised how triggered I was when my 11 yo. DD was playing w. our new baby & started licking his feet!!! I really screamed at her. She said DH let her lick our next oldest's feet when he was a baby-- that was when she was 5 yo! She's so much older now & it just seemed so weird & she was so hysterical & hyped up when she was doing it.

Some how that's really disturbing. I have an other child who licks food in a weird way, with the tounge all the way out & that also makes me uncomfortable, like there is something almost zexual about it. Sometimes I have to leave the room when that child is eating yogurt or pudding.

She does have sensory issues that we did years of therapy for when she was younger-- & that got much better & she has ADHD- which we started medication for when she was in 4th grade. She is so much more calm & able to socialize normally when she is on the meds.

There are still times when I don't want to take her anywhere, because she acts so immature for her age, & many times-- esp. over the summer when she is home all day & not on medication-- when she is driving me crazy.

A lot of times as the oldest child, she sets the tone for how the others act & kind of stirs the pot to make more chaos. & then she dosn't understand why I yell at her.

If this is similar to what is happening in your house, I can imagine being at your wit's end.

The sensory therapy may look funny & not seem like it makes any sense, so ask questions & try to find out what you can do at home. It sounds like your son might like a vibrating toothbrush & other things to mouth that are safe to chew on & lick. Also frozen juice bars or ice?

↑ flowerpower

Sat, Jul 21 2012, 9:57 pm

Op, I am glad that you found a school for next year. I hope that they will work with you and that he will do well there. It is important to get a diagnosis done by a good professional as it can help you in a few ways. Also, get some books to read up about sensory and his other issues. It will help you get a feel of how he feels and why he does those things. Once again, try to get him a good ot for at least twice a week. It will make a big difference.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Jul 21 2012, 11:37 pm

B"H I do not have experience w/ this but would a good teething toy, the kind w/ dif textures & bumps....help him when he needs to lick something? please get him the OT he needs, it worked wonders w/ my nephews behavior.

mandksima

Sun, Jul 22 2012, 3:53 am

Wow. It feels good to know others are in this kind of situation, even though I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have some of the same issues with my kids and some different ones as well. It is very hard to take all the kids anywhere without getting totally overwhelmed and embarrassed but I do it anyway because the memories they will have will be positive ones even if I remember the crazy behavior mostly. Also, after some time, I also forget the tantrums that went on and remember the good stuff mostly.

My kids get so much therapy but the progress is so slow. Sometimes there are regressions and I can't believe they are 11 but act like 3 year olds at their worst and 8 year olds at their best. Once in a while, I get a shining moment when I am extremely proud but it is not often enough. I am trying to think about bat/bar mitzvah speeches that I want to say but it will be vastly different than the ones I have heard at my friend's kids simchot.

The sensory behavior your child exhibits is so much stronger than I have seen in my kids so I can not suggest anything more than other posters did. I have a child who is definitely not beyond licking someone, I just don't think he thought of it and he's a bit of a germaphobe. He will sing loudly and off-tune in public at any given moment, dance wildly in class as well as growl like a dog when he's upset (that is most of the time) and hit his siblings, without thinking twice but at least I don't have to deal with licking strangers. B"H for small favors!

HUGS!

inwaiting ↓

Sun, Jul 22 2012, 4:35 am

I feel so sad for your son
instead of loving him and doing something about it you come here and give it all out
as much as he needs help you need it more !!
and all imamothers that will rant back at me dont even start ..

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Jul 22 2012, 4:53 am

inwaiting wrote:

Ill start. wow ur a real disgusting person with no feelings you dont know op or anything about her or how much she is going through.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Jul 22 2012, 4:57 am

I understand you

I have to work on myself to love my adhd child
especially when he is so impossible and my house turns upside down

to the poster that doesn't understand - she is lucky she doesn't understand what it's like to have a child like this.

I try to do activities with my son that we both enjoy

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