birth control after twins

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Twins, Triplets, and more

Birth control after twins

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amother ↓

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 2:05 pm

I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in the family planning forum, but I wanted moms of twins to see it and respond. im having twins iyH and im wondering-how long (in general) does a rav give a heter for BC after having twins? I know all ravs are different, I just want to get a general idea. thanks!

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 2:50 pm

well unfortunately our rav gave just a little over a year. My dh is in school and so when he went to ask for how long he was told until 10 mnths before he finishes school- which I think is a little strange to answer!! - well basically my twins will be 2 when he's done school I"yh- so that leaves me stopping BC when theyre about 14-15 months!! I'm really not happy about it- but what can I do.
Every situation is different.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 2:58 pm

OP here-

Yes, that does seem a little strange of an answer (to me). I am hoping for at least 2 years! my husband is also in school and he will have 2 years left by the time I give birth, iyH, so I can definitely comiserate with you. Hopefully you can call the rav after that heter runs out and maybe he will give you longer? of course thats as long as you feel you need it. Smile

it seems strange to me though that for a singleton birth most people get a year (or so I hear), I would imagine that you get longer for twins.... much hatzlacha with everything!

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 8:25 pm

I got a heter for the iud and it's longer term. He didn't even give us an end date. We're yeshivish/chasidish/litvish.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 8:33 pm

amother wrote:

I got a heter for the iud and it's longer term. He didn't even give us an end date. We're yeshivish/chasidish/litvish.

Just wondering...how can you be all 3?

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 8:39 pm

amother wrote:

I got a heter for the iud and it's longer term. He didn't even give us an end date. We're yeshivish/chasidish/litvish.

Just wondering...how can you be all 3?

I'm not, I just meant to say taht I'm from the stricter crowd but didn't want to identify which one.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 8:40 pm

we first got a yr then another 6 months and then another 6 months so basically 2 yrs

mommyX2

Mon, Nov 21 2011, 9:13 pm

amother wrote:

you can always re-ask for more bc at that time if you are not ready. (doesn't mean he will say yes, but if you are not ready, hoepfully he will say you can wait longer)

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 11:02 pm

My twins are a year old and we have great BC.....
Never have a min to be together!!!! Sad

(yes, I'm the OP of the thread asking when things can resume to normalcy....)

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:10 pm

amother wrote:

My twins are a year old and we have great BC.....
Never have a min to be together!!!! Sad

(yes, I'm the OP of the thread asking when things can resume to normalcy....)

sorry, amother, but I think there may have been some confusion, I am the original poster and I havent given birth yet. It's just something im wondering about. Maybe you meant to post somewhere else???

tikva18 ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:17 pm

amother wrote:

My twins are a year old and we have great BC.....
Never have a min to be together!!!! Sad

(yes, I'm the OP of the thread asking when things can resume to normalcy....)

I think what she meant was that she had started another thread about intimacy after twins, when it would resume to normal. She's posting here to say that they never have any time together, thus being birth control...

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:19 pm

Ohhh. I understand now. thanks for the clarification.

That doesnt sound encouraging at all! Sad

hope things get better+

↑ tikva18

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:27 pm

amother wrote:

Ohhh. I understand now. thanks for the clarification.

That doesnt sound encouraging at all! Sad

hope things get better+

Don't stress that part yet. B'sha'ah tova! may everything go smoothly and the way you want I!

Twins do take a tremendous amount of koach. I was shocked how I could sit awake so many nights nursing and still be cheerful. I was so thankful when they were big enough that I could nurse them lying down and even tandeming.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:38 pm

I actually asked my rav about this while I was still pregnant and I suggest you do the same as after they are born you will be VERY busy...it may depend on what gender the twins are..some hold taht if you have a boy and girl you can have, rabbi allowing, bc heter interminably...I had a boy and girl and was given one year officially but was told that if after a year I come back and still feel not ready to be pregnant again I can get a renewed heter....I dont plan on getting pregnant until my twins are out of diapers (around 3 years old)...they need all my attention now Smile

...

will you be finding out the gender at 20 weeks? if so, id ask then! most women go on bc after the pp bleeding stops at around 6-8 weeks pp....it would be good to be prepared with bc for that time so you dont have to worry about that!

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:40 pm

im the amother of the above post..I forgot to mention...another reason to settle the bc discussion with your rav now- my sister in law had twins and when they were just 4 months old she got pregnant again! it was veeery tough for her and though she loves her children she agrees that it was way too early to have another..she just didnt think shed get pregnant (she was nursing at the time)....good luck!

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:57 pm

OP here-

to tikva-thanks for the words of encouragement

to amother above-thanks for the information. I dont plan on finding out the gender of the babies before they are born. I also dont plan on relying solely on nursing for BC-Ive never read anything proving that this is foolproof, and I think all women out there should be aware of that. I think its a huge misconception.

I have a feeling that if I call my rav during pregnancy he'll just tell me to call back after I give birth. also were not telling anyone that its twins ( I wouldnt even feel comfortable telling the rav, unless I absolutely have to, for some reason) I know Ill be busy, but I think I can rely on my husband to make the call as soon as I give birth because there's NO way im going to the mikvah pp without that heter Wink

I think that will be the first phonecall we make after our parents. Smile

One year is good, but 2 (or even 3) would be ideal. would you mind sharing what group you belong to? (chasiddish/litvish/MO etc) thanks !

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 2:10 pm

If you ask the right Rav (a known meikil) and in the right way (I am going to jump out of the window, I can't handle it) then you will surely get as long as you need. (2 years or 3)
Otherwise, you can simply abstain (as there is not enough time) or practice the type of BC that is when you are done ovulating, using an ovulation tester.
Or you can just do as other posters have written here, practice BC for as long as you like, as long as your DH does not know about it. There is no need to ever ask a Rav any of this. A woman can do whatever she feels like doing, as long as her DH is not aware of it. He never has to know, he is not the one raising and giving birth to the children. (But of course, if you feel like "sharing" everything with your DH then a Rav must be consulted. If a Rav is consulted, you must adhere to what he tells you.)

I want to wish you hatzlacha, lots of koach, and take all the help/offers you get of any kind. It will not be easy. But I wish you lots of nachas, and health with joy in raising them.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 4:02 pm

amother wrote:

There is no need to ever ask a Rav any of this. A woman can do whatever she feels like doing, as long as her DH is not aware of it. He never has to know, he is not the one raising and giving birth to the children. (But of course, if you feel like "sharing" everything with your DH then a Rav must be consulted. If a Rav is consulted, you must adhere to what he tells you.)

I am the amother above.....are you serious? first of all a woman can not just do whatever she feels like.....we are supposed to be asking a rav this sheila because the laws of bc according to the torah are complicated and each situation must be discussed and handled differently....and what kind of a marriage is it if a wife makes decisions abotu something as important as birth control without even discussing it with her DH? thats a horrendous marital practice! and very unfair to the unsuspecting husband btw. and I dislike that you put the word "sharing" in quotes...unless I misunderstood your message it seems like you are actually mocking wives who consult their husbands and their rabbanim on this matter

to the OP:

I think it is very admirable that you would like to go about this the torah way and ask a sheilah with your husband about this. I have never heard of a woman asking a competent rav this sheilah and being told she must get pregnant when she really couldnt handle it....I actually got a heter to use bc for 2 years after I got married because I wasnt able to be a mother at that time.....however I felt ready 6 months before my heter was "up" and was told by the rav that I would have much mazal if I got off bc at that point and guess what? despite the fact that I dont have any twins in my family, god blessed me with 2 babies at once! rabbanim are God's gift to us to help guide us especially in matters like this....I am actually a little bit of every group Smile

but some of my relatives are chassidish and some are litvish...I just consider myself plain old orthodox.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 2:44 pm

OP here-

I didnt really want to start a discussion here about ethical issues in using BC, I just wanted to get an idea of people's experiences with asking a rav for it after twins. ( in all honesty if a rav told me an answer I wasnt satisfied with I really dont know what I would do... I really cant judge others)

I actually have heard something about using BC without your husband's knowledge, but personally I don't think I would ever be able to withhold that information from him (for one thing, I think he would freak out too if he thought I wasn't on BC after having twins Smile

)My rav personally has been pretty good to me so far (He gave me a year heter after getting married for a few different reasons) so Im hoping he will be understanding as well, after I have the babies, iyH. thank you all for you input and words of encouragement.

To amother above this post-Did you get a heter after having your twins? If so for how long? thanks

ntm1

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 3:00 pm

Theres absolutely no need to ask for BC before the twins are born-( just pray everything goes well) you have at least 5-6 weeks post partum to get your act together and ask for BC. All you need to do is call your rav and when you go for you post partum check-up you can ask him for a presription

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