What addiction feels like

amother ↓

Sat, Oct 29 2011, 8:56 pm

Just a small glimpse of what those who suffer from addiction go through. I have been 'clean' for 10 weeks now a huge achievement on my part. This morning I woke up and almost fell. By writing this and trying to convey how I felt pulled beyond your imagination I was able to stop in my tracks and resist.

I wake this morning to subliminal whisperings. An intruder reposed beside my bed. Thoughts rise to dance behind half lidded eyes. A swirling vortex of colour the luminous double rainbows and their Alexander's band.
The intruder holds a licence to kill yet his seductive smiles pulls me towards him. His talons cradle my head. Silently he slithers into my mind sucking out all reason. Logic ceases to exist. Arteries pump poisonous blood through my heart. I am wrapped in his cloak of darkness. Sliding deeply into its warmth. I am home. I am where I belong. I am one with this sinister being.
I missed you I whisper. I could not find meaning in life without you I confided. You were not too easy to capture confessed my enemy. But I know how much you love my pain you can never resist. It is true I sigh. I yearn every day for your simple familiarity I know you.
I cannot outrun myself. I cannot amputate the toxic heart the provides me life. I cannot extract this anathema within.
I can dream of escape. But there is no escape. I am you.
Tears threaten to spill over my cheeks. A cold ache of despair settles in my stomach. I am tired. Soul tired. My insides are coated in a death mist that slows my senses, blots my feelings and leaves me as little more than an empty shell.
Only desire remains. Strong as ever it rears its ugly head. drives me to action. I _____. I have lost.

I would also love comments and constructive criticism on the actual writing. Thanks!

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Oct 29 2011, 11:06 pm

Thankyou to all who have read and your supportive replies. You all have a little share in helping me stay strong today.

To the amother who has no idea what I am talking about how can I be more clear? I explained at the top of the post what I was trying to convey. If you really can't even imagine what it feels like you should thank god every day tht this is not something you are forced to struggle with.