Pls help. Too much for me!!!

amother ↓

Tue, Aug 02 2011, 11:40 pm

Hi,
I am a first time mom to twin boys who are now 9 months old. I AM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME STILL Sad

I love them to pieces bh but it can be so murder sometimes. I live in a tiny apartment and basically don't have an option of moving any time soon. Just about every day I break down in middle and burst out crying from being so overwhelmed and so much to do. It's not PPD because as soon as dh comes home and they're asleep, I'm fine (besides for not being able to get off the couch...).
How do you manage to get through the day? One baby wakes up as the other falls asleep. I"ve tried tons of times to put them on the same schedule but its impossible! How do you put a not tired baby to sleep or leave a tired baby crying and begging to be put to sleep??? Also, one of them is a very kvetchy baby just complains for no apparant reason making me crazy!!! I can't put them to sleep myself but dh comes home when they are already overtired Sad

What to do? I never give baths because its murder for me. embarrassed

They are pretty good at night (wake up once for a feeding) but theres always something else- one is sick/teething etc. I can't afford major help these days.
The other question I have- I am a stay at home mom. Do you think it makes sense for me to go to work? On one hand it will be easier because I'll get a break from them. However, how can I work when I'm so exhausted from caring for them the other hours?

I know, that was one long and confusing rant. I just feel so tired and desperate for help Sad

and the worst part is that I keep hearing about twins who are toddlers etc and their mothers say its crazzzzyy running after them non stop!
HELP

Bea21

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 12:51 am

I don't either have twins, but I do have "Irish twins" (just 2 days under 1 year apart), so I can pretend I know how you feel--it can be quite overwhelming. Dh always tells me that with every child, Hashem gives the koach to take care of him/her. The thought always helps, if only a little.
You are reminding me of a story that happened recently:

I have a good friend and neighbor who had twins Pesach time while my sister was in seminary in E"Y. Anyway, my sister came to visit me after she came back from sem and saw this friend with her two babies. So she said, "oh I didn't know you had twins! That's so cute!"
My friend replied, "Yeah, it's cute when someone else has twins".

Hazlacha dealing with your kinderlach!

tikva18 ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 12:54 am

Twins are a lot of work, aren't they? I'd recommend trying to do that baths more often even though it's hard. I used to take both into the bathroom at once, get them ready together, and having their towels ready for after the bath, put both in the tub at once. They loved it and it was easier for me than bathing them separately. It doesn't have to be a bath for cleanliness - rather an activity. I'd shoot for it to be somewhere before bedtime as baths can be relaxing.

Are you nursing them? I'd nurse them lying down and go to sleep when they did. If one is staying awake while the other is sleeping you can try quiet gentle music to help calm the awake one. Also pull your blinds and speak extra softly.

Have you tried wearing one of the babies? I found that when I wore my little boy he would go right to sleep - so maybe that would be an option for the awake twin. I think they got a lot of comfort by being next to my heartbeat. Both of mine settled immediately when being worn. My favorite carrier is the mai tai - totally adjustable, comfortable, and easy to wear.

Do your babies sleep in your room or with you? that might help the nighttime go easier too.

And remember you are an amazing mom, you are their world. It's hard, it is really hard, but the rewards are tremendous. If it's overwhelming to view the whole day ahead of you, try taking it by half days or even less. You'll see, you can make it.

And, if you are in Chicago - I'm here and more than happy to meet you and help out.

My twins are almost 6, im yirtze Hashem, and I tried hard to savor every moment when they were small. It might seem insignificant, but every thing they do is special and there are many firsts. Oh, another thing I did (and still do) is take a lot of pictures - especially when they got into things. It helped me keep my perspective.

Feel free to pm me if you'd like.

RachelEve14

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 1:53 am

My girls are 7.5 ka'h and yes, they physical stuff gets easier (don't ask me about the social stuff, but maybe boys are different!)

Can you go to a person in the shul, the chessed person, or a local e-mail list and ask for help? I know here in the summer there are young teens home and bored who might even be willing to help for free & experience (obviously you can not leave the babies alone with them, but they can be a big help). My friend's then 6 & 8 year olds used to come over and play with the babies, and let me tell you 7 years later they are my best babysitters. It's amazing how much help even a young child can be.

It's hard when you are new in the community, but eveyone probably thinks youare just managing fine. If you need help, ask. I'm sure someone can help.

tovasara

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 9:11 am

Having twins is very humbling for those of us who were used to handling everything with no problems before having them. Even people with large families commented to me how they didn't know how they could handle twins. If you can afford some help (sorry, I skimmed the posts so I don't know if you addressed this) perhaps you can get a break that way.

Mine are almost 10 now and it definitely gets much easier - but it takes a long time to get there (and of course I miss them being so little).
Keep us posted how you are doing.

ntm1 ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 10:03 am

Hi- I totally hear you- my twin girls are 10 months old but I really can't complain. Everyone used to tell me get them on the same schedual otherwise you will not have a life, and I used to say to myself there is no way you can put 2 babies on the same schedual. well guess what, its the best thing ever- for the past 4 month they nap twice a day at the exact same time, every night since they're born I give them a bath all by myself (sometimes my DH is home just to help out)and theyre off into their cribs (while I bathe 1 kid the other is playing in her crib, and nothing will happen if she cries a few minutes while I'm bathing the other twin). they go to sleep the same time every single night. It's all about routine - getting them used to the same things everyday. And why are they still getting up for a feeding? When my girls were 7 months old my dr. said there is no reason for a feeding in the middle of the night- so We trained them each seperately and there are no bottles from 7 at night until at least 6 in the morning- depending when they wake up. Yes, during the day I sometimes just wanna pull my hear out. I tried to get out every single day for a walk. Yes, it's a little boring especially here in flatbush in the summer, when no one is around. so I go to the cleaners, the grocery store, or just walk around my neighborhood.

mummiedearest ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 10:55 am

mom of kids fourteen months apart here. no twin experience.

sometimes you can't schedule two kids to the same times, but often you can. there needs to be a basic daily schedule, not just nap time. find what works for you. getting them to bed before they are overtired helps tons.

bathtime- my best friend was my bath seat. my older one was fine in the big tub by himself, my younger one needed support to sit safely. I found bathtime to be the best time of day. they could splash and play, but they were contained. I'd recommend you get two bath seats. you don't have to wash them every day, but they may find a warm bath relaxing, allowing for an easier nap time/bed time.

http://www.amazon.com/Juvenile.....r=1-7

that's the one I have, but it cost less than half the price listed. for some reason, certain models fluctuate in price. go for a hard plastic one with suction cups on the bottom. toys at the front are a plus. if you get one with a slide down front, read reviews to make sure it's sturdy and won't pinch your babies' legs. once you have these, you just have to fill the regular tub and let them play. I find it most comfortable to sit on a stool than on the floor. make sure you have a comfortable spot for yourself and splash away. you can also put on a bathing suit and join them if you feel like it. I used to do that with my kids. they loved it, and I really had fun.

my kids used to love to chase the broom while I swept, sit in the laundry while I folded, or just wash the washing machine run (front loaders are great entertainment). also, now is a good age for them to learn to entertain themselves. as long as everything is babyproof, you should be able to be in another room for a little while.

get some help if you can. it's wonderful to have someone. good luck!

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 11:03 am

As a mother of 3 yr old twin girls, I can commiserate with you. To tell you the truth, I found that when the twins were babies it was much easier (they werent my first kids, they were #3 & #4, so I kinda knew what I was doing, it was just everything x2). I nursed them at the same time and therefore they were on the same eating/sleeping schedule for the most part.

You have to try to get OUT OF THE HOUSE by YOURSELF! Maybe when your dh comes home you can go out. Even just to Target, a manicure or something like that. You will come home feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the boys.

I dont have any other advice but daven for the strength to get thru each day. Once school starts again in September you will prob. be able to get chessed girls to come help in the afternoons or during kvetchy times!

MRN

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 11:12 am

I agree that your husband has to step up to the plate before you break down. When he gets home in the evening he needs to eat and then tend to his children so you can go for a walk, do the grocery shopping, talk on the phone, take a long shower, etc, BY YOURSELF. My husband used to watch them from 6 pm to 10pm so I could go to sleep earlier so when they woke up at 1 am, I already had six hours of uninterupted sleep. If you are going to tell us he learns at night seder, then call the rebbetzin and tell her for your sanity and shalom bayis he needs to spend every other night at home until they are sleeping through the night.

↑ tikva18 ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 11:19 am

amother wrote:

Getting out of the house is important. Even if you take the twins. I know you said you're in an apartment, but perhaps put them someplace safe, take the stroller down and then return for them. The first time will be difficult, but it will get easier as time goes on. And the fun thing with going out is passersby will see you with your babies and will comment "oh! twins? aren't they cute! are they identical?" and so on. It's nice to hear good things from others.

↑ tikva18 ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 11:21 am

mummiedearest wrote:

I know conflicting advice is common on a forum, but imo, bath seats aren't safe. You can't rely on an object to keep your baby safe. I used to soak a washcloth and put it under my little ones' tushies and that helped prevent slipping in the tub.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 11:30 am

tikva18 wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

you can't leave them there unattended, but the seats definitely mean you don't have to hold on to two wriggly kids at a time. I used this until my daughter was old enough to sit on her own, stably.

↑ tikva18 ↓

Wed, Aug 03 2011, 11:34 am

mummiedearest wrote:

tikva18 wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

you can't leave them there unattended, but the seats definitely mean you don't have to hold on to two wriggly kids at a time. I used this until my daughter was old enough to sit on her own, stably.

That's good. Sorry, I've never used them.