unusual wording on a wedding invitation

emama

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 1:34 pm

Amother stated:"This is THE standard wording on invitations here" (NY)

Clarification should be added: In certain communities in the NY area this type of invitation may be the norm but certainly not in others. I have only seen this type of invite from the much more yeshivish people that I've worked with. I've never seen it from the modern orthodox community, nor from other groups of orthodox. I too was not quite sure what to make of it when I first saw it.

RPESN

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 5:15 pm

Welcome to the United Kingdom! Cost is a major issue. Most Chassuna's nowadays have the Chuppa with a kabbolas Ponim before, and 'reception' after. This is all in the same place. Kabbolas Ponim before is really more for the men. They sit with the Chosson etc, that's when Tenaim and Kesuba are filled in etc. Then is the badeken and outside (generally) for the Chuppa. Then back in with lively music for reception (forgot to say nice spread with all sorts of stuff generally done by the caterer). All of this is for anyone. Not only if you got an invitation. Dinner is by invitation only (reply card is included w/ invite w/ an rsvp date so can arrange w/ caterer), often in a different hall. 'Dancing' is after the dinner-occasionally before dessert. It is worded as Sheva brochos and dancing-you get the Mitzva of joining in Sheva Brochos as well as being Mesameiach Chosson and Kalloh. At most Chassuna's there is a small table with a few cakes and drinks. Peop;e go to dance tho! Mitzva Tantz is generally only attended by family and close friends, not all the masses. [Our family did not do receptions as cost too much and invited very few people. I think the limit for gemach chassuna's (which had come about by the time I got married ) was 250 max. We could afford 60 couples-120 people. Could only invite 2 friends, obviously chose the neighbours I'd grown up. Unfortunately, a lot of people who replied with a yes did not show up, which was upsetting coz I'd have been able to invite school/sem friends....Big point to remember! ]

granolamom

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 8:59 pm

personally, if I was not invited to the full wedding (ie dinner) I'd rather come for the simchas choson vkallah than for the shmorg/badekin/chuppah. actually easier for me to get a babysitter later in the evening (my kids are mostly asleep and the high school girls are all home, dh doesnt have to rush home from work).
I dont see it as 'being good enough to animate the dance floor' but as a way to include people that would otherwise have been left out altogether.
and I've seen that wording often enough, its acceptable here (NY) and not offensive.

↑ Isramom8

Thu, Dec 30 2010, 9:55 am

Isramom8 wrote:

flowerpower wrote:

It is common invitation wording-not so unusual. You can come either for the kabalos panim or dancing after the meal.

This.
I got an invitation like this from friends, and I was advised to ask them if we are in fact not invited to the dinner. I'm not asking them. It's clear. (Probably for financial reasons.)

Guess what, the dh told my dh that the intention was that everyone WAS invited for the meal. I think if you feel that you should be there you stay, and if you don't feel that close, you don't. Go know...

DovDov

Thu, Dec 30 2010, 10:09 am

Ruchel,

I have a few friends from Strasbourg who told me that it is normal there to have the wedding in the afternoon with a reception and the dinner much later somewhere else for family and close friends.

My impression was that that was a normal *French* thing, not limited to their city. Am I wrong?

Nemo

Thu, Dec 30 2010, 10:28 am

Where I'm from (Pittsburgh, PA) this is actually fairly common. People are friendly from all the different shuls and would feel bad not inviting some people. At my wedding we did it a little bit differently. It was a Sunday afternoon wedding and rather than have everyone leave after the chuppah we had the dancing first. We served refreshments during the dancing. Then we had dinner for close friends, family, and out of town guests. It can get really expensive to invite everyone, but it's nice to have everyone share in the simcha.

Also, the way you know you're invited to the dinner is if you get a reply card.

JewishMother18

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 1:27 am

I have to say that I have never come across it in our MO community in Israel nor have I ever received such an invitation.

In this day and age when halls and caterers charge so much money per head I can actually understand the logic of it but I wouldn't like to be the first one to introduce it in my community! I think people here would be insulted to receive such an invitation.

The culture in Israel is that people "pay" for their invitation by giving a present equivalent to the price per head. The money is then used to pay for the wedding - therefore everyone is invited for the dinner. I hate this "minhag" and personally refuse to give money as a gift (but that's a whole other discussion) but I know a lot of my friends have said that their son/daughter's friends didn't come because they felt they couldn't "afford" it. That is just so awful and perhaps if they were invited for the dancing after the dinner this would be a much more acceptable and affordable way of having all the couple's friends there to celebrate.