disagree with a Rov? chose another?

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Disagree with a Rov? chose another?

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chabadnick ↓

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 4:02 am

We have a wonderful Rov and we respect him very much, however on many things, he is very machmer. People have suggested for issues dealing with non frum relatives...I should call another rov. I dont undrstand as I am a BT, do you call someone different if you dont like what your paskins? it doesnt make any sense... u have to follow the Rav as he is the shliach for the Rebbe and H". any one know more> I really like our Rov, I just dont understand this

amother

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 9:15 am

Changing Ravs to suit your needs and find a more lenient approach to a situation is certainly problematic. But this doesn't seem to be the case with you. It sounds as though you really respect your Rav and even his machmir approach to things. It's just that in this particular situation, (I.e. dealing with non-frum relatives), you feel that his psakim aren't matim lach and your family. As someone with non-frum relatives, I can appreciate that you are probably not looking to be maikel because it's easier, etc., but rather because it will help reduce tension with non-frum family, make a kiddush Hashem and bring them closer to Yiddishkeit. IMO, I think it is 100% OK to find a more maikel Rav for THIS SPECIFIC issue. Of course, you should still pass this by you mashpia and/or Rav as there may be halachic (?) issues involved with "switching" Ravs for a more maikel psak. But it seems that your motivation is pure and honest and as long as you continue to follow your current (machmir) Rav's psakim on other issues, I think there should not be a problem.

brooklyn

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 9:38 am

1-800-DIAL- RAV. Shop and chose for the best rav for each situation. LOL

↑ chabadnick

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 11:14 am

are you serious....that cant be real....
people suggested I call r.shusterman in california

stem

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 11:45 am

I agree that you shouldn't shop around for a rav that will tell you what you want to hear. OTOH, some Rabbonim are more experienced or sensitive to certain issues and can guide you better than your day-to-day Rabbi. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking around about a Rav that specializes in your types of family issues.

chocolate moose

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 12:07 pm

It's a very tough situation, isn't it? Unless the rov himself refers you to someone else.....

didan

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 1:17 pm

B"H

We have different Rabbonim we call for different issues. On all Taharas Hamishpocha issues we use the same Rov. On all Kashrush issues we use the same Rov etc. My point here is, you don't need to use the same Rov all the time, however it's in your best interest to use the same Rov for a particular issue. (I find this to be the case becuase the Rov is familiar with us and our situations.)

Once you ask a Rov a Shailah, however, unless he advised you to ask another Rov, you need to go according to his Psak. If you have another Shailah and you think he may Pasken in a way that you won't be comfortable with, as long as you didn't actually ask yet, it's perfectly fine to ask another Rov.

hisorerus

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 1:20 pm

You are 100% allowed to ask as many Rabbanim as you want or need- BUT MUST TELL THEM YOU SPOKE TO THE OTHER RAV FIRST and what Psak you received.

ILOVELIFE

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 6:01 pm

generally when switching rabbonim you'll have to switch for all psaks. Also, if u do ask a shayla and want a "second opinion" u'll have to tell the rov who u asked and what he said.

ektsm

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 7:41 pm

If they already made a pasak you can't go to someone else. However, you don't have to go to someone so strict in the first place if you think they will be too strict.

shanie5

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 10:23 pm

I once had a shaila at the mikvah and called the rov and left a message. after a few more attempts, I called another rav who also paskens for us. when the first rov called back, I told him what the 2nd rov said which was "I think she should toivel again". becuz of the word 'think', the first rov could have changed the psak. but his answer was "she must toivel again".

elisecohen

Mon, May 01 2006, 7:21 am

Absolutely you can choose to ask a different rav who you feel is more able to understand all the social, family, and halachic implications of your shailoh. No one community rav is an expert in every area of psak (well, I take that back, some gedolim obviously are but the vast majority of community ravs are not). Just because someone is a good community leader and shul rav does not mean he would or should claim to be able to understand all the ramifications of every shailoh that could be potentially asked, and no one should be offended if you ask a shailoh of someone who concentrates in dealing with a particular kind of situation. It shouldn't be an offense to your shul's rav that you would choose to discuss a shailoh with some one who is well-qualified to consider your problem.

morningstar

Mon, May 01 2006, 7:42 am

I don't think this situation has to be termed disagreement,
and I would be up-front and tell your Rav that you were recommended to call the other Rav for family issues by people in a similar situation, and that you wanted to ask whether this was OK with him. It is perfectly normal for different rabbanim to specialize in different situations, or to prefer to refer some kinds of questions to someone else ( just as you would have your family doctor, but might be referred toa specialist on a particular issue).

If you cannot be up-front with the Rav you have, then there is a bigger problem here.

chavamom

Mon, May 01 2006, 10:12 am

Would you hestitate to see a specialist if you had a medial problem? Or would you stick with your family physician? Most of us wouldn't hesitate to seek an orthopedist for a broken bone instead of insisting our family physician is good enough. How many of us see OB's? They are specialists too!

I think it is the same with rabbis. There are those that are good for 'general issues' much like the family physician. But for certain specialty issues, there is no problem with seeking someone who is an 'expert'.

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