teased by a friend

Pearl ↓

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 4:23 am

this morning, when I took the girls to school, my oldest daughter (almost 8 years old) was crying because one of her best friends (since we moved here - she was 5) doesn't want to be her friend anymore, and is also teasing her about being Jewish (they attend public school, no other options available).
I have tried to help her handle it herself, but my daughter is so sensitive, I think I should explore other options as well. Do I approach the mother (we get along well), do I approach "the teaser"?
Any advise will be highly appreciated!

dina ↓

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 12:26 pm

also, something on a similar note-my 5 year old daughter didn't want to wear a particular shirt this morning because she said the girls in her class would make fun of her. would you make your daughter wear it?

Tefila ↓

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 1:29 pm

Dina then why force her to wear it. It's not worth it and she will remember this and Thank You forever after for not making her wear the shirt!
We have to listen to our kids and just as some things bother us as adults and we speak to someone who can help us to deal with it so too it is with kids the same. We also have to give them self confidence so they can answer 'snide remarks' without feeling down or upset afterwards!!!!!

↑ dina

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 1:48 pm

freilich, don't you think it's jealousy though. I had the same thing happen last year when I bought my daughter a new pair of shoes and some girls in her class told her they don't like them. so then what? do I go and buy a new pair?

↑ Tefila ↓

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 2:16 pm

No! not to get her another shoes or outfit she has to make do with what she has, and next time maybe b/4 ask for her input. I was talking about clothes she already has then why can't she switch?

Children also want to 'fit in' as long as you don't buy specially what she does not need or maybe she could earn it etc. Then why should we call it Jealousy!!!!

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 3:11 pm

Penina, I really feel for you - to have a child in public school, where she's teased for being Jewish Exploding anger

I think if the mother and/ or the staff are not anisemitic, you should approach them.

Otherwise....
Oh, I have no clue, I'm so sorry for your daughter!!!!!

Yael

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 3:39 pm

When my family lived in a way out of town city for 2 years, the only option for my older siblings was a conservative school. (I had a frum preschool) they went for a short time but they got teased so much for being frum that my parents decided to homeschool them instead. they anyway weren't getting jewish studies there, and had to learn it at home so to learn secular studies at home too was no big deal. they also had a tutor who'd teach them sometimes. I remember these big books of worksheets that my father bought for them, one book for each grade. we also got a computer then (back when they were still a novelty) so we could learn math and reading through games. when we moved and went to a regular school we all were at least a grade ahead of our peers.
we all look back on those years very fondly. I think they were the best years of our childhood. our family bonded so much by being together and learning together all day.

mother of 2 princess's

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 5:50 pm

well my daughters been telling me for a few months now that girls in school are teasing her. infact she even told me that one of her so called freinds said your mummys fat and your babys not qute and calling her a corn head as she takes corn on the cob to school sometimes. the thing is at this age shes 6 by the way, they dont seem to have consistent freinds. there best friend one day and the next making fun of them.. so I told her to ignore it and the sticks and stones thing and then she started saying she wasnt well saying she had an earache. I took her to the dr and nothing was wrong. it was the last day of term so I decided not to do anything about it and see what happens at the beg of the next term. anyway first day back she came home looking so sad. she said these 3 girls were teasing her again. I must add these girls used to be good freinds well 2 of them anyway. in the end I spoke to all 3 mothers. things seem to be alot better now. im also worried because if I pay too much attention to it she is the kinda child who will play on it more. any advise.

↑ Tefila

Thu, Jan 13 2005, 5:59 pm

If that child bothered my 6 yr old I would go to that child bend at her eye level and say if you start up with my daughter one more time I will speak to the principal!!!! Look at her and speak firmly so she will be scared also she should not have her freinds crowded around when you say that firmly ...... It does work!!!
If her parents get involved no prob just tell them she is bothering non stop and you were picking up your daughter anyway so you decided to have a talk with her.
NOTE: Once they are 10yr and older they do not want you to get involved so don't just give advice etc

↑ Pearl

Fri, Jan 14 2005, 3:10 am

I am a bit sorry I mentioned the "Jewish" part about the teasing, because there is definately not anti - semitism involved! If my daughter would be a redhead, or have glasses, then she would probably be teased with that. There are just 4 Jewish children in that school (2 of which are mine), so that draws attention, usually positive. The main issue for me is the sadness of my daughter. She and this girl have been close friends for 3 years now, her parents are very pro-Judaism and pro-Israel (so is the school by the way - please be aware that public school here is not negative, like it seems to be in other countries) so that anti semitism is not the problem, B"H.
I am just not sure if I should approach the mother, or let my daughter try to solve it herself before I approach the mother, or the girl.