Would u force ur child 2 go 2 school if he's crying he doesn

momsprince

Sun, May 03 2009, 8:32 pm

I was looking out the window and saw my neighbor's son crying and refusing to go onto the bus. The bus rebbe took the child by force onto the bus and my heart felt like it was being pinched. I strongly believe that even though a child must not love school he/she must certainly not hate school or there is something very wrong going on in school. What do you think?

chocolate moose ↓

Sun, May 03 2009, 8:39 pm

I don't know w hat's going on there, but I always made it my business to have pleasant mornings as they set the tone for the whole day.

Being that I always worked full time, there was no "staying home" unless circumstances were dire, like chicken pox.

mommy27

Sun, May 03 2009, 8:44 pm

My almost 6-year-old has always cried when I left her, from the time she was a baby, whether it was a babysitter, a bubby, school, camp, etc. And I mean CRYING. She would go for 15-20 minutes sometimes. She was always happy when I picked her up and resisted leaving. She says she likes school, camp etc. and is finally not crying everyday. No one ever told me separation anxiety could last till kindergarten! If her teachers hadn't forced her to stay (held her while I left), she would never ever have left my side. So not all crying has to do with school. Maybe the teacher knows his customers and you don't. A lot of problems just need a few minutes and they're gone, too, like if he bumped his knee or something.

pecan

Sun, May 03 2009, 9:28 pm

The question is why.
I know of a case where a kindergarten child cried every morning before going to school.
Years later, it was discovered that he was being abused.
My first grader cried because he didn't want to go to school. He was unusually adamant - and started wetting his bed. We finally got out of him that he was being bullied and dealt with it immediately.
My point is to know the child and to find out why. Sometimes it's nothing - just a stage. And sometimes, it's serious.

Mama Bear

Sun, May 03 2009, 9:34 pm

It may have been something that happened that morning or 1/2 hour before, and the child usually goes to school happy. My son cried the first 3 days on the bus, and 2 minutes later he was already smiling. I have also sent him once crying because he wanted to continue raking the leaves and the bus was tehre. a minute later he had calmed down. maybe that kid cries every morning and then is happy 2 minutes later. some kids have separation anxiety when the bus comes, but love cheder/school and really need to go already for wahtever reason.

SomebodyElse

Sun, May 03 2009, 9:35 pm

For a while, my toddler would make a huge scene whenever DH was going out. The minute he was gone, she'd stop -- it was just a show for him. Just another example that it's hard to judge from the outside.

But, yes, the scene you described sounds awful to witness. How old was the child?

QUEENY

Sun, May 03 2009, 10:44 pm

My son cried every morning before going to school. It broke my heart. He would also cry if I left him with a babysitter etc. Every time I came home or talked to his bus Morah, they always said as soon as I was out of sight he would stop crying and be happy. Yes! I wanted to keep him home many times but I know that he is attached but in the end he has a good day. B'h he doesn't do it any more at 4 1/2.

mominisrael2

Mon, May 04 2009, 2:21 pm

QUEENY wrote:

I had the same thing with my 4-year-old after we made aliyah, due to both a new school and a new language I'm sure...she cried hysterically for months, though was always happy when I came to pick her up and the teachers reassured me that after I left she was fine...one day a few months into the year I couldn't stand it anymore and went around to the side of the school building to listen in, wanting to make sure that she really stopped crying, and was quite surprised to hear my baby bawl to her teacher, "EMA LO TEIN LI NESHIKAAAAAAA!!!!" Needless to say, after that I wasn't so worried about her ability to pick up the language...and never again forgot to give her a kiss before seeing her off Smile

These days she happily goes all the way to school by herself as I watch her from the sidewalk...

Aribenj

Mon, May 04 2009, 5:31 pm

My kids always cried when I dropped them off at school.

With DD, she started at 18 months and although she only cried for 5 minutes after I left, and was thrilled to be there once she got over it, this lasted almost a whole year!

With DS who also started at 18 months, he cried bloody murder for hours on and off. I finally decided it wasn't worth it for him and took him out for a few months. 2 months later we tried again, and yeah, he cried for like a miunute and then he was ok. Even now, 6 months later, he still sometimes cries when I leave him.

I think it depends on how much it's affecting them and their age and of course, THE REASON why they're crying...

Imaonwheels

Tue, May 05 2009, 4:29 am

You can never know from looking out the window. I remember trying to talk to a friend hose 1st grader cried and scratched her knee. Just then the bus came. The woman on the bus was trying to take the little girl who knew her Mommy well. She kept crying and got to stay home because she had a tiny, not even bleeding scrape on her knee. She stopped crying before the bus was out of sight.

Barbara

Tue, May 05 2009, 11:18 am

It could have been anything. He spilled his cereal at breakfast. *Why can't I wear my other kippa today?* He wanted to stay home to play with his new toy. He forgot to do his homework last night, and knew he'd have to face the consequences today. His sister got to stay home sick, why couldn't he?

I'd worry about a kid who consistently doesn't want to go to school. One day? Nah.

SavtaHelen

Fri, Nov 13 2009, 8:11 am

We always had guidelines (when I was the child) that no fever meant go to school. It was clear cut and easy to understand.

My kids had the same rule, but I learned to be a bit more flexible (I assume that my mom used her own judgement as well, but as far as we were concerned, fever was the deal breaker)

Machon Adler defined behavior as an action that repeated itself and not a one time event. I think that this applies in this case as well.

amother

Sat, Nov 14 2009, 8:50 pm

My huband didnt want to go to school till he was 7. My mother in law tried everything, they even wanted to spay her cause for a half a year she sat with him the whole day in the class room. He just didnt like the teacher. he is fine today, very clever and in full time kollel seriously. nothing happened to him. recently he asked my mil why she didnt just force him, she answered that when you have such sweet good children its nice to have them at home too. (shes specialy my mil- she would give her heart and soul for her kids,)

nicole81

Sat, Nov 14 2009, 9:09 pm

amother wrote:

My mother in law tried everything, they even wanted to spay her...

now why would they want to do THAT????

seriously amother, I know what you meant to type, but I had to re-read twice because I couldn't get a certain image out of my head Very Happy