HELLLLP should I switch my child to a different school

amother ↓

Thu, Sep 17 2009, 5:58 am

I have KA"H 4 children in school. Three of them are doing just fine. I started my first at this school 7 years ago for preschool. Over the years my children/husband/self have been more or less happy/satisfied with their friendships and academics. There have been some minor bumps such as having to switch to a different teacher a couple of times or some squabbles with peers but nothing out of the ordinary that would raise any RED FLAGS!!!

Anyway, my 2nd grader has been having persistent problems the whole of last year and this year. I really feel the school is not handling it right. DH and I have spoken to the administration I.e. the principals, school counselors, teachers etc. I just feel like we are not on the same page with this child in particular. It's not an educational problem its more of a low self-esteem/behavior problem. My kid isn't ADD/ADHD or hurting other kids. She's just generally unhappy complains that she can't see the board, tells the teacher slow down she can't take the notes fast enough, or cries that she has no friends.

What should I do? I intend to leave my other 3 kids in the school. I'm not unhappy with the school I just think they aren't dealing with this child correctly and I'm tired of it. After two years of following their suggestions and making little progress I'm ready to switch. The only problem is there is only 2 other schools in town and I'm sure it will make a bit of a commotion. What should I do?

octopus ↓

Thu, Sep 17 2009, 7:44 am

amother wrote:

What makes you think that the other schools will be better rather than worse?

ummmm...so with this logic you stay status quo because you don't know if it's going to be better?! Well- you never going to find out unless you try! I don't think the situation is going to correct itself in the current school if you have been struggling with it for two year. It doesn't mean it will necessarily get better in another school- but I definitely think it's worth a try. As your daughter gets older self-esteem issues and behavioral problems can escalate pretty fast if she is not getting the proper help. I wouldn't be relying on school social workers to help out with a problem, though.Also, if she can't see the board, did you try getting her eyes checked to see if she might need glasses?

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Sep 17 2009, 9:33 am

OP here,

It's not a glasses thing. I have taken her to get her eyes tested. She just seeks attention and says things like, "I can't see the board," tells teh teacher, "you're moving too quickly," "mommy I have no friends." She gets taunted a lot by older children in the school with whom she sees on Shabbos etc. I have spoken to all the people at school for 2 whole years and no real progress has been made. I'm not upset or angry at the school I just think they aren't helping. I have given it lots of time, different methods, new teachers etc. and just don't see any progress. I'm thinking maybe the school is just not right for my daughter. Like I said before no hard feelings towards the school because my other children are happy!

Barbara

Thu, Sep 17 2009, 1:44 pm

amother wrote:

Why does your daughter say that she claims not to be able to see the board? Its just an odd thing for a kid to say if its not true. Also, *is* she keeping up with the class? Is the teacher really moving too fast for her? Would a tutor help?

I can't help but wonder if there's something else going on here, perhaps some undiagnosed learning difference. Possibly an OT thing where she can't write fast enough (can't copy from board, claims she can't see), dyslexia, dysgraphia, something.

What do you think the school needs to do differently for her? What do you think another school will do differently for her? Those are things that you need to consider. Not every school is right for every kid; moving a kid isn't a reflection on the school ... or on the kid. But you need to have some concrete idea of what you're looking for so you don't wind up simply shuttling her from one bad situation to another. Eg, you think she'd function better in a school with smaller classes and more nurturing teachers; you can talk to the other schools to see if they fit the bill.

Good luck.

Merrymom

Sat, Sep 26 2009, 10:00 pm

Who tested your daughter's vision? My daughter was tested by her pediatrician and by the school nurse and they found nothing. I knew something was wrong though because getting homework done was an enormous struggle and she was very unfocused and sloppy in general and we were constantly getting angry at her. Our frustration with her spilled over into other areas and she became really difficult in many areas. This made us even angrier which made her self-esteem plummet and so now she became socially withdrawn as well. Well, I finally ignored my husband and everyone else (who said nothing's wrong after all, she could see) and took her to a pediatric eye doctor (not an optometrist and not an adult doctor). Well, guess what? It turns out she had a lazy eye. She had to wear a patch for a long time but we have a changed child. She does fantastic in school, races through her homework, is lively, and is making more friends every day. You need to find out what is wrong with your child. Once you do that, you can decide whether the school is a good fit for her or not.

↑ octopus

Sun, Sep 27 2009, 8:31 am

Barbara wrote:

amother wrote:

excellent post. I also agree that the complaints that op's dd make are not the typical complaints a child makes to get attention.

↑ amother

Sun, Sep 27 2009, 10:02 am

As the mother of several children with school issues, my suggestion is have her evaluated privately to see if there is learning issue, or something else that is causing this behavior. You might want to start with a psychologist or psychiatrist who can talk to her as well and see if she will tell them what is really going on.

I have, B"H 5 kids. The first 2 had no issues in school. (the 1st is in college and the 2nd is a senior in High School who has mede Deans List since he walked thought the doors). The 3rd started having trouble in Kindergarten but the school poo-poo'd it until 4th grade. We had him evaluated privately and they thought he was dyslexic. When we told the school their answer was "what do you want us to do about it?". We had already switched our 2 older ones to another school (for hashkafic reasons) so we approached the new school about #3. They accepted him, left him back a grade, and gave him resource room, modifications, etc. A few weeks into scholl we met and they told us that they did not see a decoding issue but that he was impulsive. Turned out to be ADD and once on medicine he was reading like everyone else. Unfortunately he had missed out on a lot of things becuse he had been untreated for so long but B"H he is now in 10th grade and doing beautifully.

My 4th child (my only DD) had no issues in preschool. She was still in the school that the boys had first gone to. At the end of 1st grade I thought something was wrong. The school, once again, told me everything was fine. We decided to move her to the other school as well. First day of 2nd grade I got a call from one teacher and a note from the other saying she was having trouble copying from the board, keeping up etc. They gave her resource room and modifications and we had her pricvatley tutored. This went on until the middle of 4th grade when she just shut down. Didn't do anything in school or at home. Was fighting with her friends. We had her privately tested and it turned out that she is actually dyslexic. We decided to switch her to a school that has it's own special ed program. B"H she is now in 7th grade in a mainstream program with an extra special ed teacher and tons of support. We just celebrated her Bat Mitzvah and she was able to get up in front of everyone and give a speech. We wrote it out on large index cards and I stood next to her keeping her place. But she read it with poise and expression and didn't make any mistakes.

My little one is a different story, yet again. He is very bright. Reads beautifully, etc. He has ADHD, but in addition we have been going through some things at home that have caused an anxiety disorder. He is in the 2nd school that my other went to. He currently has a shadow. B"H he only really needs her on the off-chance that he gets overwhelmed and has a meltdown (which last year was all the time and now seems to be much better).

My point is, you have to do what's best for EACH child. I live in the neighborhood where my kids original school is. They used to walk (it's around the corner). Many people were upset by the fact that we switched them. It wasn't an easy choice, but in the end it was the best thing we ever did.

Listen to your gut. If you think there is ANY type of problem, there probably is. The sooner you find out what it is and get the help your child needs - whether it means another school or a tutor or whatever - the better.

Good luck!