6 yr olds and hyperactivity

gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 9:55 am

I've been hearing from the few people that 6 yr olds very typically are extremely hyperactive. Not being able to play quietly for more than a few seconds, talking nonstop without a moment's silence.

Is/was this true for you?

I've taken my 6 yr old off every hint of sugar, food coloring, chemicals, and preservatives. He understands and I told him countless times that I'll substitute anything everyone else gets (in class, not his brothers!) with a healthy alternative. He doesn't seem to mind YET.

Rubber Ducky ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 11:02 am

Many 6-year-olds, especially boys, are extremely active. My sons were, but were also able to concentrate intently on whatever things they personally found interesting: books, fantasy play, mud, ants and bugs... Our foster son is similar. A previous foster child (age 7) acted hyper until he was secure in his surroundings and then calmed down a lot.

Our older son certainly fit the clinical definition of ADHD -- but defining "hyper" by the clinical checkpoint list would IMHO categorize about 1/3 of all boys as ADD or ADHD (which either means that normal has been turned into a syndrome or someone needs to do a lot of work on that definition and checklist).

If you feel the need to put this son on a special diet, I assume that he's much more active than your other sons. Is he driving everybody crazy or just his school? Is the school expecting a level of zitsfleisch he's not capable of? Is he happy?

Last edited by Rubber Ducky on Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 11:42 am

He's my oldest, so I've never seen boys that age from a parent's POV.

He is so hyper, it's nuts. I suddenly realized at one point that this is why some kids need meds. I wouldn't mind his hyper-ness so much except that on top of that he doesn't have the skills to play nicely with someone else (his brothers) so I always end up punishing him. I really hate that.

On the other hand, he does fantastic in the school setting, and in camp. He's not hyper there at all. I realized that when he's on a schedule and he knows exactly what the plan is for him for the day, or for the morning, or whenever, or even if he doesn't know the details but knows that there is something planned, he's back to his normal self. If he has the sense that there are endless minutes of free-for-all play, he's like a wound-up toy gone crazy.

I've only heard yesterday that this can be typical for this age/stage, so I'm wondering if this is normal at all, or if it's over the top.

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

↑ Rubber Ducky ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 1:29 pm

That's wonderful, you've already discovered what your son responds to: structure and routine. Are you disciplined enough to create a schedule so that your son knows what to expect? Like dinner at a certain time, a consistent bedtime ritual (and a consistent bedtime), a daily activity to look forward to?

How old are your other children? When your son has his own friends over, does he play nicely? Does he get regular private time with you without annoying little brothers (and maybe sisters) co-opting your attention? I wonder whether your son has unconsciously adopted some hyper and annoying behaviors as a way of getting more attention from you.

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 2:01 pm

His day at home is pretty structured. I don't exactly choose his toys for him, I leave open slots for him to choose what he likes. That's where the trouble comes in.

(I'm reminding myself, that one thing I've done a few times and he really loved this, was to draw (I'm no artist LOL

) a long list of all the toys he likes to play with and activities he likes to do, and when it's "free play" time, he simply chooses an activity. It works great, and takes away the transition times between activities, which means I'd only have to be on top of when he's actually playing with someone else.)

I need to have every minute of the day filled in for him. Not easy, but I've done it before. It's only before and after camp, and on the weekends.

He's a very demanding child, attention-wise. He's really not lacking in this area. I'm thinking that this hyper-ness appeared together with a new bout of extreme anxiety, a couple of weeks ago. I don't have a clue as to what's causing the anxiety this time, and he doesn't have the communication skills to tell me, no matter how many questions I ask, I never get an answer.

I'm suddenly remembering that the last time I had to plan every second of the day for him to keep him out of trouble, also came with a new bout of huge anxiety. Like every time, he can't tell me what's causing it, but I understand that it's something to do with how he interacts with his peers. He'll probably tell me next year, which is what he's always done, but for now I just have to understand that there's a reason why he's like this and bugging him about it will only make it worse for him.

He's extremely sensitive also, and the silly things other boys do and say to each other bother him a lot. He takes everything to heart, and is one of those kids who are too nice for the world out there. I know that this is the cause of his anxiety, but there's not much I can do about it until he learns on his own how to not let nastiness from other kids not bother him.

So he comes home and let's it all out on us full force, repeating the mean things the other kids have said that day (and long forgotten by them, but the words they say will stay with my son for quite a few years down the road), and it makes total sense to me why he's doing all this. But why hyperactivity is connected to the anxiety, I really don't know.

↑ Rubber Ducky ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 2:35 pm

People have different reactions to stress. Our previous foster child would act especially hyper after visiting his parents (abusive family) . Our current one becomes physically ill when dealing with major changes (like adjusting from school to camp).

Does your son have physical outlets for stress? A trampoline, climbing trees, slamming a ball against the garage? Or fantasy outlets? In addition to drawing, stuffed animals, dolls/mentchies and puppets can give you a window on a child's inner thoughts.

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 2:49 pm

No, I can't say he does. From all the things I've tried, nothing's seemed to work well enough.

We have an exercise regiment for him for when he gets out of hand (instead of punishment). He has this soft pillow for scrunching and punching. He loves drawing on the Magna-Doodle before bed, or writing or scribbling whatever comes to mind in his own notebook I got him for this purpose. These things are like a drop in the bucket, and this is after all his nails are bitten down and his tzitzis are in shreds.

I feel so bad that he has such stress on him. It's just his personality, and I haven't been successful at relieving him of it or relaxing him, in the three years since he's started school, which is when his shyness blew up into anxiety. He's really such a great kid, and this hyperactivity is so unlike him.

↑ Rubber Ducky

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 5:47 pm

GR: Your DS does sound stressed. From here it sounds like the hyperactivity is a symptom, not the problem. I know that there are books for adults and stories for children on dealing with anxiety. I don't know any specific titles, but have you explored that? Something else you could try at home to help DS express himself better is to playact scenarios where kids act nasty and ways to respond to it -- either as hypothetical what if situations or through puppets (puppets are terrific for this kind of thing because they're non-threatening, almost like wearing a mask and taking on a role). Also, have you asked DS what makes him feel calm and relaxed?

Lizza, I agree with you that high energy is a bracha! I also agree with you that ADD is terribly over-diagnosed and over-medicated -- and an easy fix to make boys who have life and spunk act like girls. If you read GR's posts and my responses carefully, you will see that neither of us have advocated drugs to tame him. I am not a therapist but have been a mom, foster parent and mentor to boys this age and am simply trying to offer practical suggestions based on my own experiences.

sunspot

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:09 pm

its interesting cuz my son is 5.5 and I can call him active. he does wonderfully with structure, loves being a helper. I find as well that he goes through various periods of anxiety caused by other children. I spoke to his school phsycologist (sp) and she recommended role playing out the anxieties and how to respond when faced with them. b'h it has really worked wonders!!! In his group in the summer there is this bully but b'h I think with role playing in school and at home his morah says he is integrating and doing beautifully (and of course siyatta dishmaya) pple always tell me that the ones who are the most active--and he is also very creative k'h you have to have patience for them but when they grow up they end up being from the more successful pple in life.

enjoy him!

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:28 pm

Rubber Ducky wrote:

I've looked around at different titles and book reviews, but didn't find anything that really sounded like it would help. My friend did suggest to me a book titled: "Sensitive Parent, Sensitive Child," or something to that extent. I haven't checked it out, but maybe it's time.

We've done a lot of role playing. A LOT. He knows what to do, he knows how to do it, but at the time when it's called for, he freezes up. He's a trillion times better than he used to be, and has conquered all situations he's been exposed to in the past, but as kids grow, new scenarios arise, and that's where his difficulties come in. I can't make him mature faster, he does it as he's ready, but in the meantime gets stuck. I really think he has an inferiority complex, and I really don't know why or how to get rid of it.

I don't think I'd get an answer if I asked him what makes him relax. I doubt he knows or can think that way.

I really do appreciate your input, RD. Thank you for your posts.

sneakermom

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:28 pm

Another good idea would be to set aside time to sit down on the floor with him and play. Have him tell you what he wants to play and what role you should have in the play. For example if he wants to play with cars, he could tell you to take the red car and make it follow his green car along the edge of the carpet. Get absorbed in his world, follow him and reflect back to him what he is doing and how it seems to make him feel. This activity is very calming and it creates an atmosphere in which he could play out what is bothering him...over time of course.

I know someone who did this with their child....it is called floor time, she arranged twenty minutes every day for it and saw tremendous change in her child.

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:29 pm

Pickle Lady wrote:

When reading your posts I had such a hard time to think of your 6 year old as hyper active. When he was young he was so quiet and calm, I remember apologizing for my kids being wild. It doesn't sound like he is hyper active but like what you said that something is bothering him and he doesn't know how to let it out. You know your children.

Hatzlacha with him.

Pickle Lady, the day I sent him to school at 3 yrs old, he became a different child. You wouldn't recognize him. Smile

I know I don't.

I don't think your kids are wild, I think they're normal. And such little mentchen they've grown into.

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:37 pm

webdesignermom wrote:

Well, that's the thing. My son really isn't active. He's a sweet, normal, calm child. Except when he gets hit with a social situation which is too much for him to handle, and he goes wild for a while until he gains the ability to deal with it, and then he's back to normal suddenly. When he's wild, he's WILD. I can send him off to run around the world 3 times, and he'll come back not even panting. There is no way to run off this kid's energy. I've tried. LOL

It's been 3 years since he's been doing that, and I haven't figured out yet how to relax him, reassure him, or handle his behavior. All I know is that he's feeling terrible about something and at these times his self-confidence is hit hard. The worst thing I could do is punish him for acting out of hand. The only thing I can do is keep him extremely busy so that he doesn't have a second to act up, and give him confidence-boosting activities. But it hasn't solved the real issue, and we've been through this cycle so many times in the past 3 years (since he started school).

Last edited by gryp on Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 8:41 pm

sneakermom wrote:

I can try that, but the thing is, my son doesn't really play like "normal" kids do. He's never been much interested in cars or little people or animals, etc.

He really enjoys things like number games, reading, coloring, and writing. He does like building but not as much as the others.

stem

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 10:10 pm

GR, it may be worth it to make an appointment with a child psychologist who can help you figure out what to do. If you decide to do that, make sure you take him to a GOOD psychologist, someone who's an expert in these types of children, not some mediocre guy who's mostly guessing as he's going along.
I know some people balk at the idea of going to professional help, but in many cases one or two sessions is enough to get clarity.
You sound like a very intuitive mother, and I'm sure you'd do anything if you thought it might help him. Good luck!

↑ gryp ↓

Mon, Jul 20 2009, 10:52 pm

Mom71- what do you think art therapy can accomplish?

Stem- I also had the idea of going to a psychologist (I'd never go to some therapist right out of school) about this but it never seemed really absolutely necessary. Maybe it's time, who knows.

I am, though, working with a natural healing doctor for him, and he was the one who told me to take my son completely off the sugar, artificial colors and flavors, etc. He told me this will solve or lessen his anxiety as well, and he is working on taking the stress off him. So I am working at it with a professional, but in a different way. I like to try all kinds of things, but since I just started this, I want to give this a chance first.