inappropriate bus behavior?

amother ↓

Mon, May 04 2009, 6:56 pm

Lately my five year old dd has been begging me to "be absent" from school. After much cajoling, she mentioned a girl on her bus who bothers her with threats of throwing her in a fire, bringing a monster, etc.... So sometimes, I pick up her up from school., and I spoek to her teacher who spoke to this ( older fifth grade) girl and did damage control.BUT TODAy- she came home saying "MOmmy, _______looked in my underwear...."
Gulp. Help.
I glossed over it, gave her a kiss, and told her nobody can do that besides a Mommy or a Dr. and she seemed to get it.
What do I do now?

Ruchel

Tue, May 05 2009, 6:29 am

It's often a problem in the bus. The driver cannot control the kids, so... the bullies rule free. Most schools cannot afford bus monitors, many schools can't even afford buses to so one parent sets up a transport mean, with only a number of kids, and imo it's MUCH better (if security rules are respected).

Blair

Tue, May 05 2009, 6:38 am

Could you try talking to the parent of that child and calmly explain to her that her daughter is older and causing a lot of trouble with your younger daughter. If you can't talk to her maybe the school can.

Imaonwheels

Tue, May 05 2009, 6:57 am

I would definitely take this as far as you can, even if the girl has to be put off the bus. We had a problem kid who's parents were zeigerim. One driver told the kid that he would only allow him on the bus if his mother brought him (she is busy, works tons of overtime plus helps run the community and school by bullying adults and can't be bothered with her kids behavior. She tried to get the driver canned but he is very popular with parents because he maintains order on the bus and will even pull off the road to deal with a problem. So he couldn't be fired so she gort him promoted - to a desk job. Her kid remained the bully of the bus until 8th grade when he was accepted to yeshiva - where Tatte is RY.

I grew up with bullies on my buses and I do think it affected my entire school life. Neither buses or bathrooms were meant to be gehinom.

Gsanmb

Tue, May 05 2009, 3:49 pm

This is terrible. I'm so sorry for your daughter.

She needs to know her mommy will protect her, even if the school and/or bus driver can't or won't. Pull her off the bus until the problem is resolved for real. And since what happened is a physical threat/bullying incident, the school needs to know that it's legally actionable.

If you choose to let it slide, your child or someone else's child will suffer for it. Bullies don't just back down, and this one is escalating in a dangerous way.

Mommy3.5

Fri, May 08 2009, 12:20 am

cALL THE PRINCIPAL AND DEMAND THAT SOMETHING BE DONE. bh YOUR DAUGHTER IS SMART ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THESE THINGS. THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF, AND GOES BEYOND BULLYING.

sorry about the caps.

ss321

Fri, May 08 2009, 7:12 am

wow that is really awful! I had to read your post twice.
You pull your daughter off the bus, call the principal and tell him that if this is not resolved, you have grounds to take legal action. the bullying on the bus has been going on for x amt of time now, teacher tried to resolve it, but it has now escalated exponentially.
b'h your daughter told you. in terms of dealing w/ her right now, make sure she KNOWS you are really proud that she was a big girl and told you and that you and tatty/daddy/abba will always help her with her problems and she should never be scared to tell you anything, even if someone tells her "dont tell your parents or a monster will get you" beacuse that is a lie. make sure she knows that, make sure she feels safe!
OMG this is sick!

↑ amother

Sun, Jun 07 2009, 6:33 pm

Name calling is not in the same category as looking in your daughter's underwear. Call the other girl's mother immediately and if it doesn't stop tommorrow call the principal and the other girl's teacher.
I had a name calling, hair pulling, etc. problem going on with my girls and someone else's. When the mother didn't put a stop to it I gave my daughter the right to fully defend herself physically and told my girls not to sit anywhere near the other girls.

ShakleeMom

Sun, Jun 07 2009, 7:18 pm

go on the bus with your daughter. Have her point the kid out to you. Get that kid OFF the bus system as a warning to her parents. if they fight you, make sure you tell them what else you have in store for them, and that they should be glad that all you ask is their daughter be removed from the bus route.