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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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chanagital

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 4:00 pm

here is the sit...I moved to the Jewish community after living very successfully outside of it with my Dh and at the time two children. Once I moved to the Jewish community I found myself in constant debt. Last year was the first year since moving to the frum area that both my husband and I had jobs. However, before that we were both unemployed for 6 months. So we used the money from the jobs to try to start paying back pple we owed from before. As well as paying for current bills. Now my Dh has a job.. but barely makes enough to live comfortably in LA (a high cost of living area). We make too much to qualify for wic or any other government programs but barely enough to pay bills. I was forced to be a SAHM when no one would hire me and pay me enough money to put my kids in preschool. Even though I am a credentialed teacher with years of experience I want help but don't want to schnor for money I am to embarrassed to do that. My kids are starting to notice they don't have the same things as their friends. It got so bad that my dd's school told me she was upset about coming to school because her school uniform is not new like most other kids but a hand me down from the gemachs. So I hand wash everything I can. We go to food banks to get food....but that is the worst I will do. Most the time the food banks give us rotten food or food on the verge of going bad. IE I got milk that had the date on it which was the day I received it on. The OJ I got from them was expired a month before I got it. I don't know what to do... I don't know if I should tell the school the whole story.. and maybe they can help... or tell someone else... my Rabbi helps us when he can but he can't do everything. We also don't have family that can help... they aren't happy that we are living in the Jewish area... they wish we would have stayed in the non-Jewish area where we both had good jobs that made our income one of the richest in the town, our parents love pointing that out. I just don't know what to do and I need some serious advice....I don't want to move we moved here to give my kids a Jewish education... but being over 1000 dollars in debt and that is only this month for basic bills.... is starting to take its toll. We don't have anything of value to sell and no one will give us a lone... our credit leaves something to be desired.

Last edited by chanagital on Sun, Nov 23 2008, 10:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

yogajew

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 5:09 pm

I'm really sorry that you are going through this.

I obviously don't know the exact situation, but it seems like you want to put your children in preschool but are having difficulty paying tuition. Can you possibly talk to a preschool and get a break in tuition? Can you talk to your parents at all about this? Maybe they are hostile about your lifestyle but I'm sure they love you and their grandkids.

Also, can you regain your certification and maybe get a job in a public school? It may not be ideal for you, but its something. You could also take a night job--working graveyard shifts while dh is at home with the kids at night after work. My parents did this for years and it wasn't pleasant but it paid the bills.

I'm also not sure about where you live, but maybe moving to a more affordable Jewish community (I.e. Cleveland) might be a good idea. If you are not comfortable with that, can you move to a smaller apartment or to maybe a less desirable area within walking distance to your shul?

Best of luck.

TwinsMommy

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 5:13 pm

the 2 ways to go would be to cut bills or make more money...... in your case, I'd say make more money.

my opinion would be that if you're getting food from a food bank, it's time to get serious about looking for work. You're never FORCED to be a SAHM ---- you WILL get hired, if you're looking in the right field and have a good resume. I'll help you personally if you if you're willing to work at home and go through training and be in sales. Other imamothers are probably looking to recruit or hire too--- and there are lots of other places to look on and offline.

But $$$$$ is why we left LA. A two bedroom apartment is more than our 4 bedroom house here in Cleveland. It cost THOUSANDS to finally move across the country away from LA, so that's not an option for you now. I'd say start making some money.

Are you living in a rented apartment? How much is the rent? Maybe moving to a smaller apt would help?

greenfire

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 5:16 pm

I should think you can get wic or food stamps if you can get on the food bank list ...

but I suppose you should be truthful to the school ...

kids don't need much ... just to be clean & neat ... even if you only have a couple of outfits - it's okay to wash them by hand ...

too bad you're not near ny - there are gemachs that have clothing ... is there anything like that near you ...

sounds tough - sorry ...

ShakleeMom

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 5:37 pm

The only way I would crawl out of this situation (personally) is to have dh quit his job which is not accomplishing much, and start accepting government assistance which amasses to a huge amount each month. Then, you can barter your skills with the school & yeshiva in exchange for no tuition. I just know they will like the idea, after trying you out for no pay for 4 weeks. Things you can do: lunch lady, designated driver, music lady for all performances, performance head, typesetting and graphics, the possibilities are needless! A while back my dd’s class didn’t make an annual performance because there was nobody to head it. so I offered myself to the school and you know what, anybody with a memory of third grade school plays can whip up something fast for a 15 minutes school play! Oh, needless to say, I was the coolest mother! With that arrangement, your dh can run the house and do odd jobs on the side, and you can spend a few hours each day at the school earning your kids an education. That’s what my bubbe did to keep her kids out of public school.

TwinsMommy

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 6:01 pm

oh wow, I usually agree with Shaklee Mom on stuff, but here I totally disagree-----

government assistance is for people who are doing ALL THEY CAN for themselves already. If you and hubby are both working FULL TIME and STILL can't afford (temporarily) to make ends meet, government assistance is there for you as a last resort (may we never need it!). I have no problem with you temporarily turning to the food bank if you feel you really need to.

But to have him quit his job SO THAT you can qualify for government assistance--- that's working the system and unfortunately people do it which hikes taxes up for everyone, including the people who ARE working as hard as possible.

I LOVE the idea of you bartering your efforts at school for reduced tuition though. I might want to do something similar when the time comes (my kids aren't in school yet, but when they are--- ugh-- how are we going to pay all that tuition on top of everything else?!?! -- make more money, and yep, bartering sounds good too.

chanagital

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 6:07 pm

all these suggestions are really good... but we don't need cloths...we are not eligible for wic... we make too much money...food banks don't care how much you make they just want to help everyone who needs it. The school won't let me work there I have been trying for about 3 years I have heard all kinds of excuses. Such as you can't work here because your kids go here and that is a conflict of interest... or my favorite we will make you an aide part time.. how about 800 dollars every month... oh and BTW tuition for your sons is $1500 per kid...per month. I'd be losing money by taking that job. What you had a credential? we don't care we don't have "those" type of kids here so you will make less money then you have now... thanks for your time. They wouldn't even consider me because I have too much experience. In fact the whole Jewish community is like that. I can't get a job here worth anything because I have too much education and experience... the apts here are expensive but I am living in a rent controlled area... hence if I move now I might have to live in a more expensive apt. in this area I am living in one of the cheapest three bedroom... dh isn't willing to compromise on the rooms. A move to Cleveland or any other place at this time is not a good idea...there aren't jobs waiting for us both of us have a very selective field where not a lot of pple can do. My whole question is how much should I tell pple... and who should I tell.

Last edited by chanagital on Sun, Nov 23 2008, 10:49 pm; edited 2 times in total

bashinda

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 7:07 pm

What about jobs in the public school system? They pay and give benefits and like credentialed teachers.

TwinsMommy

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 8:56 pm

what's his selective field? Maybe we can help brainstorm a better paying option?

and yours is teaching? so why not be an aide for 800 every two weeks--- that will completely cover one of your kids tuitions! That would be one monkey off your back.

nicole81

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 9:07 pm

if you're sitting around jobless anyway, why not take the aide position? $400/week for part time work is very good.

fish123

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 9:39 pm

I think you could get alot from going to your local JFCS (Jewish Family and Childrens Services). They are given funding, you can explain your situation to them and they will do everything in their power to help you.

They are a wonderful asset to the Jewish community and I strongly suggest you contact them to see if they can help you at all.

Good luck!!

marina

Mon, Nov 17 2008, 9:48 pm

I don't really understand your post. You make too much money to qualify for public assistance, but not enough to do basic laundry? Maybe you just need to:
1. Get some credit counseling and consolidate debts
2. Explain the situation to the school and stop paying tuition. 1500/month is not for people who need to go to food banks for meals.
3. Get a job for however much you can a week, better than nothing.

chanagital

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:55 am

First off I do laundry. I misstated the problem earlier and corrected the post. My dd's uniforms are used (hand me downs from gemach) but not dirty and regularly laundered. Even if I take the job at 800 dollars a month I still have two children to worry about my 2 and 4 year old are not in school. 800 Dollars is enough for one... but that is only a month not the initial fees. Right now the public school in my area is laying off teachers. I don't have credit cards to consolidate the debts with... the biggest bills are rent and car payments. I am looking at a way to lower car payment... but till that happens I still have nothing. I already had a Jewish Free Loan... I am currently trying to pay that back too. That is the only help they could give me.

Last edited by chanagital on Sun, Nov 23 2008, 10:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

daamom

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:11 am

If your car is one of your largest burdens, can you sell it?

amother

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:13 am

ok, if you're taking from a food bank, sell the car.... you shouldn't have a car payment. That's grocery money.

And PLEASE tell me you're on the internet from the library and that you don't have a computer and internet hook up at home if you're that desperate.

The thing to do would be to take the job, pay tuition for at least ONE of your kids with that money, and look for other part time work to cover babysitting for the other kid.

greenfire

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:18 am

people need cars to get around ... even when they are poor ...

amother

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:20 am

if you're that poor that you're TAKING from a food bank, it's time to spend the car payment on groceries.

What about the people at the food bank who AREN'T paying a car payment? Is it fair to them that someone paying a car payment is ALSO taking?

We happen to have 2 cars. That's because we can afford it. We don't go to a food bank. If it ever comes down to us needing to ask for handouts, we'd sell the cars. Public transportation is a couple dollars a day rather than $200+ a month.

amother

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:20 am

Quote:

ok, if you're taking from a food bank, sell the car.... you shouldn't have a car payment. That's grocery money.

In LA it is impossible to live without a car.period. But maybe she could get a cheaper car or a used one.

She should not be paying full tuition in such a matzav. speak to the school about a scholarship.

avigailmiriam

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:21 am

amother wrote:

I'm not sure if you're familiar with LA, but there is almost no public transportation and the entire area is geared towards cars. In most places, you can't ride a bike or walk safely on the roads.

daamom

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:22 am

greenfire wrote:

people need cars to get around ... even when they are poor ...

I wouldn't say that, especially if one lives in a city. There is public transportation to get you places that are far, and for everything else, walking is very healthy and free. Plus, the weather in LA is beautiful. I don't have a car and manage to get wherever I need just fine. Think about how much food you can buy with the money you save...

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