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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Apr 28 2024, 11:47 am
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Asd / pandas child. Never had an emotional connection or deep feeling of understanding to him. He triggers me with his behavior and even when not there is no love you mothering feeling towards him. How do I start to repair if I can't stand him?
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bumpkin2
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 12:45 pm
I'm struggling with the same. My husband came across a local therapist in Brooklyn who became a therapist because she had children with similar diagnosis. She works not only with the children but also with the parent to help them with their triggers. We are planning IYH to try her after Pesach.
https://shirafrank.com/about-me/
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amother
DarkYellow
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 1:32 pm
This is part of a personal PSA/vent… kids who are ND aren’t “a little harder” than NT kids, they’re an entirely different category. I wish I understood this when my oldest was younger…
And to your question, they say to spend time with your hardest kids to bond with them, but how do you do that when time together has you gritting your teeth?? I wish I had an answer and I wish I knew how to be a better mother to my kid who needs it the most.
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amother
Snowflake
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:17 pm
It's very hard to love kids whose brains have been hijacked because they're just not there to love. The real them is buried under many many layers of defenses and compulsions. What works for me: remind myself that this isnt them, its their illness, and there is a healthy, genuine, feeling child hiding inside. Act as if you love them, put on your best show. and at the same time work on healing them. Keep peeling away the layers, dont give up. The love will come naturally when they are in a healthier place.
Go easy on yourself too, this is a hard place to be.
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amother
Crocus
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Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:42 pm
| amother Snowflake wrote: | It's very hard to love kids whose brains have been hijacked because they're just not there to love. The real them is buried under many many layers of defenses and compulsions. What works for me: remind myself that this isnt them, its their illness, and there is a healthy, genuine, feeling child hiding inside. Act as if you love them, put on your best show. and at the same time work on healing them. Keep peeling away the layers, dont give up. The love will come naturally when they are in a healthier place.
Go easy on yourself too, this is a hard place to be. | I love this answer. I feel like sod haadam course addresses this a lot.
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amother
Honey
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Thu, May 02 2024, 7:24 pm
I think we can't feel the love but of course it's there. Buried deep under
Oy
Hard
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thegiver
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Thu, May 02 2024, 11:50 pm
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Write down nightly any small nice thing u notice about him. Keep at it for a while until I start noticing the good. Fake it til u make it. Seize his bid for connection
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