Please help me make a reward system for this week

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 11:40 pm

Here’s the run down:
Today was a disaster with my kids, everyone home and me trying to clean, my husband worked a little and then did some errands for me and for himself (last min yt things) he took some of the kids out but it was really hard, kids were fighting non stop
I need a better system for when they’re off Wednesday - Pesach!
I’ll try to cook nights or make things with them that I can do quickly or involve them
Kids ages 5-11
I promised them the ice cream store Friday if there’s no fighting or complaining for 3 days, any ideas what type of chart to make?
What other positive reinforcement can I do?
I don’t like having negative vibes which was how today went, with all the bickering and complaining Sad

Thanks!!

amother

Yellow

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 11:48 pm

When my oldest was around that age, I pumped her up how important she is in helping us have Pesach. And I told her that I expect her to give me 10 hours of help the last week before yt and I promised to take her to a costume jewelry store to pick out something for herself for yt. It worked well and she has great memories of that year. It really helped set the tone for the rest of the kids that I had the oldest on board with helping and it made everything much easier.

In general, I think it's more effective to give rewards after a much shorter time for young kids. I don't think my kids would get through 3 days of cooperating and behaving without any reward until then. I would give a treat or small prize for good behavior every day from wake-up til 12, then from 12-4, and then from 4 until bedtime. And also keep the big prize for working so hard over all the days.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 2:29 am

I use screen time as a motivator (tomatoes accepted). I usually limit it a lot during the year but will offer for example "if we finish all the jobs on this list before supper we can watch ___" (sometimes a free one online, rent one from MostlyMusic or Yiddish Plays, or buy a month subscription to Uncle Pinchey). The immediate payoff works better for me than a "in 3 days" type of reward.

amother

Jean

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:34 am

Make a big poster or use a whiteboard.
every day a morning job and an afternoon job for each child (if that works for you). they need to feel useful imo.....can be a simple thing like take baby wipes and wipe all the door handles, help unpack shopping, separate laundry etc.

then u have a list of activities they can do in "free time" ex Lego, coloring, reading, playing in yard, making Pesach signs. this is for when you are working in the house. kids can choose the activity when u say free time now.

and finally a special activity for the day. can be ice cream for dessert , a trip to dollar store, whatever, a new book before bedtime.

at the bottom u have each kids name with spaces for ticks or stars....and u explain they earn those for being super kind or super helpful. (no negative language here) 10 ticks gets a prize for the kid....

take time to make the chart. take time to talk it thru with kids.
explain to older ones it's more for the youngest but they need to lead by example and u have a special "gift" in mind for them, think a necklace for yt or a book theyve wanted for yt.

Once the kids get in the spirit this can really work.
if someone is being very disruptive I would send him to his room to unwind with an iPad for 15 min....not as a reward but as a time out to chill and come back to the family then.
Use iPad if you will when you need (maybe at 4 or 5 when your at your end and there is still dinner to prepare)

hope this helps a little. it helped in our home for yrs. and every chag or summer or winter vacation we used it .
so basically once you find a system that works, that's your system. the kids will learn to look forward to it.

amother

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 11:10 am

amother Jean wrote:

Wow this is so so helpful! Thank you!