S/o which middah are you working on and how?

amother

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:37 am

I'm the op that needs to work on my patience while driving. Those who are struggling with certain middas, what are they and how are you working on them?

queensmom

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:42 am

Not sure if it’s a middah per se or a mitzvah or both but I am working on bitachon by reading a daily dose of bitachon by Rabbi David Sutton with my husband every night and listening to Michael Safdie ten minute shiur on WhatsApp as I am an over thinker and need to understand everything is from Hashem

amother

Currant

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm the op that needs to work on my patience while driving. Those who are struggling with certain middas, what are they and how are you working on them?

I have so much respect for you that this is your response, kol hakovod!! ❤️

amother

Cadetblue

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:12 pm

Envy. It's killing me, literally and figuratively. I'm being tested in it in such a big way and I just can't get past it Sad

I've tried therapy, I've read self-help books, I've tried learning hashkafa, it doesn't help.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:14 pm

I need to work on resentment. it's a hard one.....and I don't know how to begin. I'm trying...tips appreciated if anyone is in a similar boat.

amother

Papaya

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:17 pm

amother Goldenrod wrote:

I need to work on resentment. it's a hard one.....and I don't know how to begin. I'm trying...tips appreciated if anyone is in a similar boat.

Hm what midda would you say that is?

amother

Apple

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:26 pm

Emotion regulation especially when I’m overwhelmed. I get SO stressed and angry and lash out and use bad language. I have been working on this for years and it’s really hard and I feel shame that I’m still struggling with it.

amother

Papaya

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:27 pm

amother Apple wrote:

I think part of why we’re here is to work on our middos, which we didn’t choose.
So I don’t feel shame about working on the same middos I know I was working on in HS 30 years ago. Frustrating for sure, but not shameful for me.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:30 pm

Patience. Which is funny because I'v always been told what a patient mother I am but recently (hard pregnancy + postpartum) I've been a little snappy and I really want to go back to my old nice self. Don't really have any good techniques but I've just been trying to control myself.

I'm constantly working on my laziness + cleanliness but it's so hard with ADHD Sad

Things I have to work on -

- Being more of a giver not a taker
- being makir tov better
- have to be more careful with tznius in front of my kids, I lost a lot of sensitivity towards it.
- Not criticizing my husband - I guess I'd call it shtika? If I'm actually upset at him there is definitely some kaas to work on too.

That was good to write out, thanks OP! I should journal.

amother

Pansy

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:52 pm

I'm a perfectionist, super organized you get the type. I'm working on relaxing, trusting others the way they choose to do something, being okay if it's not done the way I would've done it, or to my standards

amother

Apple

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:57 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

Ooooohhhhh yesssss. That’s another major area of struggle for me that I’ve been working on for years. I think my anxiety/stress/overwhelm goes hand-in-hand with this because if I need stuff done I generally want it done the “right way” and it’s challenging to be OK if it’s not done the way I envisioned (example if somebody washes the dishes and leaves food residue on them and then they need to be washed again which adds to my stress level and overwhelm).

amother

Offwhite

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 1:01 pm

Working on being more of a receiver, allowing myself to be vulnerable, accepting my frailties opening up to people instead of feeling like I always need to be strong and the giver.

amother

Lightcyan

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 1:02 pm

I'm trying to work on stopping to think about my own needs and think about what Hashem wants from me. I'm also trying to work on my ahavas yisroel, it's hard!

613mitzvahgirl

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 1:06 pm

I’m trying so hard on not speaking loshon horah.. with so much going on I sometimes don’t even answer the phone bc I know where that’s going to head..and I know we all need zechusim

amother

Sage

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 9:36 pm

Trying to be less critical - not comment on everything my kids say or do.
Keep my mouth shut more often. Make believe I don't see things

I realized I need to work on this when I saw how much my kids comment to and criticize each other, because that's what they're learning from me Can't Believe It

amother

Calendula

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 9:49 pm

Not yelling at my kids.
They're regular kids, but I'm in my 8th month and huge which is giving me terrible insomnia to the point of making me feel physically ill during the day. I am a monster when I'm lacking in sleep, but even though I'm responsible and go to bed on time, I'm physically too big and in too much pain to sleep. So I end up losing it at their fights.
It also doesn't help that Pesach is coming which is always stressful even though I'm trying hard not to let it be. Yesterday was an awful day. Today bH I was able to be calm. It's a constant process at this point. (Telling me "sleep now while you still can" is not helpful - as if I'm not trying! And FTR getting woken up every 3 hours to nurse, and being able to sleep in the day with the baby, is waaaayyy less exhausting than waking every 20 minutes to turn over, and eventually not being able to fall back asleep and then need to deal with kids + working+ pesach....)

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 10:16 pm

amother Cadetblue wrote:

Envy. It's killing me, literally and figuratively. I'm being tested in it in such a big way and I just can't get past it Sad

I've tried therapy, I've read self-help books, I've tried learning hashkafa, it doesn't help.

Learning shaar habitachon can be so helpful. There are many books on it. Shais Taub has a series of classes on his website soulwords.org/trust.
It helps us recognize that no one can take what it rightfully mine, if it was meant for me I'd have it, if I don't have it then hashem doesn't want me to have it at this present moment etc.

effess

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 10:22 pm

Ayin tov.
I’m trying to be better and seeing the good especially in ppl’s behaviors and words to me.
This midda is intertwined with dlkz, which is a good exercise for me to have a ayin tov.

amother

Steelblue

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:41 am

Shalom bayis, I started thinking, if one if my sons did this... or said that... to his wife how would I like my DIL to treat/handle it! It helps like magic, because I definitely want her to discuss it in a respectful and understanding way. So yes, I must treat my MIL son the same way LOL