Tired of self-centered teens and young adults

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 2:48 pm

I’m a mom to young marrieds and teens. I’m also a HS teacher so I see lots of girls, not just my own. I am so, so tired of the selfishness in today’s generation. The things they say and do would never have happened 20 or 30 years ago.

At what point are these kids going to grow up?

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 2:58 pm

I know how you feel. I think we need to remember that we actually need to teach the girls how to be less self centred, as they are not 'getting it' naturally.
It's not just about doing chessed and not speaking LH, it's a core understanding that the world does not revolve around them and their wants and their needs. It's an uphill struggle, sometimes we manage before they finish school, and sometimes we don't. Some of them get it in sem. And some don't get it til they get married. And some don't get it even then unfortunately 😕

lamplighter

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:00 pm

Somehow we raised them this way and I don't know how to backpedal

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:01 pm

People have it backwards. Teens become self centered when they learn that otherwise things will never go their way.

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:05 pm

I think some parents allow their kids to be chutzpahdik and get away with a lot, but a lot don’t, so I don’t think it’s the parents’ fault. There are so many things that young people say today that show a lack of busha.

amother

Cornsilk

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

So if you're not being constructive, why put down an entire generation?

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:11 pm

This is not a constructive post, per se.

This is a vent and I’m asking when these kids are going to grow up. I’m hoping someone can tell me that their kids eventually did.

Anyone who’s been teaching for decades sees this decline clearly.

ectomorph

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:14 pm

It's a self centered vent because it's about making you happy.

Can you think of how to write the op while modeling the behavior you want to see?

amother

Plum

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is not a constructive post, per se.

This is a vent and I’m asking when these kids are going to grow up. I’m hoping someone can tell we that their kids eventually did.

Anyone who’s been teaching for decades sees this decline clearly.

People are getting offended because some of us are young adults ourselves.

amother

Raspberry

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

At what point are these kids going to grow up?

Some never do.

bebrave

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:16 pm

Ok so here's my take. Lots of us parents are children or grandchildren of survivors.
We didn't get all our emotional needs filled as children and so we make a point of being there for our children as much as we can and sometimes to the extent that they start ruling our lives a little too much.
I think the best approach would be to help children build a resilience. To be there for them but not to fill in for them.
I believe Shimon Russell talks about this. You can find his classes on YouTube

amother

Stoneblue

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:23 pm

B"H I really think my kids aren't this way, I find them to be really kind, helpful, considerate and respectful in general (with 1 exception but I do think she limits her self-centered disrespectful behavior to our home and acts normal elsewhere)

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:23 pm

Bebrave, I’ve heard that theory. I’ll check out those classes, sounds interesting. Thanks!

amother

Leaf

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:30 pm

It's boys as well, believe me my son was pretty awful to me this afternoon, demanding lunch, and just not being a mentch and I just cried. I'm front of him cos I couldn't control myself anymore.

bebrave

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

Bebrave, I’ve heard that theory. I’ll check out those classes, sounds interesting. Thanks!

Your welcome:) he's very smart

amother

Denim

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:35 pm

I have 5 of them. I'm also tired of it. It's a tough balance, to give them responsibility but not to expect 100%. To rely on them but to do your own thing because they aren't really reliable. To see them as individual almost adults but to clean up after them constantly. To say yes instead of no, to sleep when alarm bells are ringing in your ears, to give $ with a smile when you want to grit your teeth. To set standards in spite of an attitude and mockery.
They must grow out of it at some point. My oldest is a pleasure, my second one is getting there.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:47 pm

Im 35. I am the oldest and have gen alpha children and gen z siblings. Im a millennial and my parents are gen x.

I know exactly what the OP is talking about as I see it directly with my kids and siblings. Those getting offended are probably the newlyweds who still think the world revolves around them.

I think life is the best lesson. People grow up with life experience and struggles. The thing that can give a child their best shot is teaching resiliance and modeling boundaries and kindness.

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 3:58 pm

No offense but frum people are terrible parents. They parent the stereotypical ways of rich people. Gd forbid their kids want for anything or feel any discomfort. Everyone MUST have the same as everyone else. Materialism is king.. You're raising a generation of narcissists and then wonder where you went wrong. Just a humble opinion