I love cosleeping | Imamother

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:14 pm

Mine is 2.5 and still in my bed for part of the night, or the whole night..he wakes up and we just put him in our bed because it's easier but he's getting too big. It bothers dh miss than me , but it's not ideal really. He's our youngest, never happened with the others..

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:15 pm

I wasn't advocating "own room" for the kid. To me that is for much, much later.

I just meant putting the kid in a bassinet right next to the bed, in arm's reach but not in the parents' bed. Or, in a crib. But the crib is in the parents' bedroom.

That way you can hear every murmur when the baby needs something.

Is co-sleeping dangerous? Who knows? Do you want to find out?

Sure hang out with the baby cozy cozy but not when asleep. Meaning, you.

amother

Poppy

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:21 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Dolly, you mean well but if you never have done it it’s hard to explain how it works and how special it is.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:38 pm

Well I don't care how special it is, for the mother. I am working for the child. The mom already has her happiness merely in having the child.

As for mental health, fine, sure, but are there separation difficulties? I am for good separation from the parent. I am for a sense of independence of the self.

I am certainly all for coziness.

To each her own. I make no big claims of causality for anything.

amother

Melon

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:47 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Strong attachment during infancy is correlated with increased confidence and independence as the child moves out of toddlerhood. So it's actually a huge favor for the child.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:48 pm

Dolly my kids were never banished.

Firstly they have a crib, but end up in my bed sometime during the night, so they KNOW where their bed is. At the age that they begin sleeping through the night, it just fizzles out on its own.

Secondly, my kids are never, at any age, banished from my bed. I have kids of various ages ending up in mine or dh’s bed almost nightly. I sometimes wake up with my 9 year old near me.

I’ve written about it in the past, my kids are always welcome in my bed if they need closeness in middle of the night. When I have a small baby they automatically go to dh’s side. Many mornings we wake up with the whole family in one room Smile

. I absolutely love it. Didn’t grow up this way, and I find it’s so wholesome and bonding.

Everyone goes to sleep in their own bed, so we have our nights for couple time.

amother

Azure

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:50 pm

Infants are not supposed to have separation from the parents. Everything in its own stage. Separation begins to happen slowly after the baby is a few months old and becomes aware that they can move their own limbs autonomously, then learns how to crawl and walk. A newborn baby starts off literally fresh out of the womb, unaware that they're not just an extension of their mother. They're bothered by not being literally surrounded by their mother and take comfort from being close to her.

amother

Poppy

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:19 pm

amother Melon wrote:

Strong attachment during infancy is correlated with increased confidence and independence as the child moves out of toddlerhood. So it's actually a huge favor for the child.

This. Anecdotally all of my babies that I co slept with are very confident and independent.

amother

Yarrow

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:21 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

and this is how it starts.... Soon you'll be a homebirthing antivaxxing baby-wearing mama lol.

Don't worry, I do all of those things so it's not being said in a negative way.

Lol I would never in a million years have believed I would’ve been a homebirthing, antivax (or at least vax-informed), cosleeper! I’m a nurse and quite medical minded. But here I am:) all those things and I know I am doing them because it’s natural and right. The western medical establishment is so extremely misinformed when it comes to these things (especially birth!!! Don’t get me started)

amother

NeonYellow

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:00 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Of course.

But the day will come when it's not possible anymore. The kid will then wonder why he/she is being banished to another bed. While this is convenient and very pleasant for now, it might be kinder to the kid to not raise the expectation that he/she will sleep with you forever. Kids have no way of knowing phrases like "this is just for when you are very little." They think, "this is how things are."

So do a bit of both maybe and get the kid accustomed to not being in your bed.

I read about annoyed husbands who, when the kid is six months or more - and that comes fast - have about had it, with the kid in the marital bed.

Maybe you shouldn't nurse either or give formula because the kid will think it's forever too.

Cmon, of course you wean them gradually.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:02 pm

I learned how to cosleep safely when I realized it was the only way to get any sleep. Honestly, I don't like it, the requirements for doing it safely are not so comfortable for me, but I still sleep better than not doing it. But I also do transition to a crib by 12 months, because I'm kind of done with it by then. All my kids transitioned fine, given a bit of time and practice, and always by the time they turned 1.

amother

RosePink

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:13 pm

For those of you who feel guilty, please look at the actual statistics. The ones that don't include parents who are currently intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. And don't include parents who accidentally fall asleep on the couch because they're exhausted because they think they're not allowed to go to cosleep.

Co-sleeping is perfectly safe for babies and is healthier for the baby. If fosters a stronger attachment for mother and baby. It helps the mother get enough sleep so she's not chronically exhausted. It helps parents cope without needing to sleep train with all those negative emotional effects. It even enhances the mother 's milk supply and enables her to nurse for longer.

Hashem gave mother's an instinct to sleep with their babies on purpose. It wasn't a mistake.

Gabor Mate (You can hate him, that's okay, The specific recording is particularly heartbreaking ) He shares that his mother had written in her journal after he was born, my little baby is crying but the doctor said I can't feed him. I have to make him go 4 hours. And it's so hard for me not to feed him. But this is what's healthy and safe so I have to do it.

Yes, pediatricians can also give bad advice. Thankfully, the advice his mother was given is not given as frequently anymore. But plenty of destructive advices still given. Hashem give mother's instincts for a reason. They're there to help you and your baby. Not to be sublimated because of some newfangled scientific fact that will be disproven in a few decades.

amother

RosePink

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:19 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Well I don't care how special it is, for the mother. I am working for the child. The mom already has her happiness merely in having the child.

I read about annoyed husbands who, when the kid is six months or more - and that comes fast - have about had it, with the kid in the marital bed..

I spliced together two of your posts. Can you explain this? It looks like a double standard to me.

Mother is supposed to be self-sacrificing of her comfort because she had a child, but father's sezual preferences still come first before the child's best interest?

Obviously a couple has to work out a way to make their marital life work also. That doesn't mean the father has no responsibility towards his child either. He is 100% an equal parent. And he has full responsibility towards the child. He also has to grow up now that he's a parent.