How can I help mild trauma?

amother

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 12:33 am

We were outside on Shabbos and a spider crawled onto my daughter. Not sure why but all kids started yelling and she was running around we couldn't even get the spider off her. Eventually the commotion died down, but that night she kept waking up with bad dreams of spiders and bugs and frogs. It is now Monday night- 3rd night that she keeps waking and screams in fright. Waking up her siblings and keeping me up to calm her down. She did not have nightmares before BH. Also, by day when my kids play outdoors, she refuses to go outside cuz a spider might come again. I tried explaining that spiders don't always come and even when they do they only tickle. No harm. But she refuses.
This sounds like a bit of an extreme to me. I'm not running for trauma therapy just yet, but I do feel like I should step in and do something before this spirals out of control.

My daughter is 3, and very mature for her age.

Any experienced imas or therapists out there can give me ideas? TIA

amother

Bone

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 12:49 am

Help her retell the story over and over, stressing the part that you are watching over her and she's safe. Maybe create a book with simple words and pictures together with her. Something like this....
We were playing outside. Chani saw a spider on esti. Chani started to scream. Then everyone was screaming. Esti was screaming too. Mommy took the spider off of esti. Now esti is safe. Mommy loves Esti and watches over her. Daddy loves Esti and watches over her. Hashem loves Esti and watches over her.

amother

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 1:24 pm

amother Bone wrote:

thanks! I'll try this

amother

Papayawhip

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 1:28 pm

OP, can I hijack, now that you got your answer?

My 2.5 year old is having a hard time at night for the past week
Since she had a nightmare about the purim story
She usually sleeps with her door shut, now shes asking to keep it open. We live in a small apratment so its not very practical.

But then some nights she doesnt ask for it to be open, but in the moring she screams until I come get her. she was never like that, her morning were usually her calling for me calmly & sweet, with songs & smiles.

any advice?

amother

Green

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 1:33 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

Is she very bright/verbal for her age?

amother

Bone

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 2:14 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

At that age, kids don't typically differentiate between what's happening here and now and things that happened far away, many years ago.
Rules often work pretty well. Mommy has a rule that only good people/Jewish people/however you wanna frame it, are allowed in our house. No bad people, or no non-Jews are allowed into the house (unless mommy or daddy tells them to come in to help us clean or fix something). To make it more concrete, you can make a sign on all doors to your house stating the rule. Use consistent and simple language. Keep repeating the same words, for example "no g0yim in the house."

You can also put a family picture with you and dh in it into her bed or hanging on the wall next to her to help her feel more safe when she wakes up in the morning.

amother

Green

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 2:21 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

Side note, move her into a bed so she can get out herself in the morning instead of screaming for you, especially if she’s now scared.

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:33 pm

amother Bone wrote:

This makes sense
Thanks

But what about the door? Should I keep leaving it open?
Close it after she falls asleep or with that break the trust?

tichellady

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:34 pm

amother Bone wrote:

I don’t understand how this is a solution and I wouldn’t want to teach my kids that job Jewish people are bad and Jewish people are all good and trustworthy

Anonymiss 1

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:42 pm

amother Bone wrote:

[b][quote]
Wow! Are you serious?!? This is pretty awful.