Mom are we rich? | Imamother

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:06 pm

How do you deal with these questions if applicable?
My kids are hitting their pre-teens and suddenly they are asking adult questions about things that really should be private or between me and dh.
Dd wants to know all about my period and family planning. Eeeek
Ds is super curious about our finances
And both are just really confused about it actually.
Obviously I’m not about to tell them exactly how much we have, or share our budgeting decisions. Bh they have what they need and more. I think it’s more about curiosity and/or trying to figure out our social status? I’m not sure honestly. I wasn’t that kind of kid so I’m really at a loss.
Conversation between me and dd this morning:
Dd: Can I buy a sandwich and a hot drink?
Me: a hot drink is another 6$ you can make a hot cocoa at home
Dd: (richest family in our city)s daughter also can’t buy hot drinks?

I think the fact that we run in the same circles of a lot of really loaded families makes it pretty confusing for them.
WWYD

amother

Crimson

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:08 pm

"Bh we have what we need. Daddy and I don't think 6 dollars on a sandwich every day is a good use of our money. Every family can choose how to spend their money."

End discussion

mha3484

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:10 pm

I think your last line is your answer. It is really confusing to a 10 year old that they cant have what others have. I run purposely in broke circles so I don't have this issue but one of my kids is in a very high income class and this is my fear for him that he wont understand. So I can empathize with you a lot. Hopefully someone will have a good answer for you.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:11 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

"Bh we have what we need. Daddy and I don't think 6 dollars on a sandwich every day is a good use of our money. Every family can choose how to spend their money."

End discussion

I like this thanks

amother

Brunette

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:14 pm

You can explain everything in an age appropriate matter. I don't know your finances but you can say bh we are rich because we are happy with what we have but that doesn't mean aren't careful about how we spend our money. You can explain to them some families have lots of money so maybe they spend money different. We are bh well off but I still limit what my kids buy obviously. I explain to them that buying many sushi rolls every other day adds up and we can make our own at home sometimes.Do they have their own money to spend on things they want? I think teaching children the value of money is very important.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:14 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Our community is really mixed in that sense. Every shul and cheder has a range of broke to multimillionaire. It just happens to be that dh chose a shul, and friends that have a disproportionate amount of the latter. It’s really not in my control. It’s not that they want what those other kids have. It’s just that they’re trying to figure out our “label”.

amother

Gardenia

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:15 pm

My parents (well off, but surrounded by people wealthier than them) handled it by talking about tradeoffs.

Yes, you could buy a hot drink. But if you did that twice a week, how much did you spend that year on just drinks? Is that how you wanted to spend that money, or was there something you would have rather purchased with that amount of money?

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:18 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

Does the “happy with what we have” line work on your kids? It doesn’t cut it for mine.
And again this isn’t really about wanting more stuff. Bh they really don’t need that much.
It’s more that they want to know “where we stand” so to speak. What do I tell them? I don’t know if they get the difference between “well off” and “owning your own private jet”.

amother

Freesia

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:19 pm

I don’t think you should say it’s $6 more. I would have said a general no we aren’t spending that much. I try to phrase it in a way that doesn’t give them anxiety about money. And I find broad and vague terms better. Or we just aren’t getting that today with nothing about money. The fact they focus so much on it means they hear too much about it.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:19 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

As a child did you know where your family stood in that sense? Well off but not rich? Did they ever explain that?

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:21 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

“But why? Can we not afford it?” (Cue them)

amother

Brunette

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

My 10 year old is very into money. Talks about it all the time. Does that line work on my kid? I keep on repeating it to them and explain we should be grateful for what we have. Not everyone is as fortunate. Yes they want to know how much money is in my bank account. How much was my home. Wants things constantly. I tell them when these things are there concern we will talk about it with them but right now its not their business.

amother

Gardenia

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

As a child did you know where your family stood in that sense? Well off but not rich? Did they ever explain that?

Yes. They sent me to a very expensive school, and we were obviously much less wealthy than my peers. But if they weren't fairly well off, they couldn't have paid for that school, so it was all sort of obvious.

But what that meant in terms of small purchases was less obvious.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:23 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

Idk I just have this constant worry that whatever I say is wrong

amother

Freesia

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

“But why? Can we not afford it?” (Cue them)

Where did this stem from? Do you constantly count money in front of them? Do you always say no with a dollar amount attached? It doesn’t sound healthy for them to be this focused on it.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:25 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

Right exactly. Small purchases. When I do end up buying something because I deem it important they get confused all over again.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:26 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

Where did this stem from? Do you constantly count money in front of them? Do you always say no with a dollar amount attached? It doesn’t sound healthy for them to be this focused on it.

Not at all! Really not! I have no idea what I’m doing wrong here.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:31 pm

You can also say that there are many choices with how people spend their money. Some like cars some like different things everyone has their priorities and where they splurge and save. We rather spend our money on a x or save our money than to buy a hot drinks everyday