S/o Chomesh | Imamother

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:28 am

Those of you who have gotten hadracha on giving chomesh and either do or dont, can you share which circles youre in, what youre doing (yes, no) and some background - like who gave you that hadracha, what your understanding of the hoshkofos are, your overall finances (like debt, just making it, ravchus bh) and lifestyle?

So curious.

[Also curious about maaser and giving /heter for not giving, but want to keep this thread focused. ]

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:49 am

We recently asked about Chomesh on a very specific subset of our income and were told very clearly not to give. Our typical annual income is between $250-300k, and this question was about giving chomesh on windfalls from investments. We give maaser on our regular earnings net of taxes and childcare costs. We bH have only limited debt in the form of a small mortgage and have been fortunate to be able to save up funds to cover simchos etc. We are litvish/yeshivish and ask our shailos to our well respected litvish/yeshivish Rav.

amother

Dustypink

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:50 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

What were the parameters? Like were you told in what instance the rav would recommend it for you?

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:57 am

amother Dustypink wrote:

What were the parameters? Like were you told in what instance the rav would recommend it for you?

Our Rav doesn’t really pasken in hypotheticals. We laid out the finances, and he said that chomesh was not for us at this time. I don’t know if it’s sacrilegious to say this, but based on what I’ve seen on “frum” LinkedIn, etc, chomesh has become the latest trend in segulah chasing in our community.

amother

Opal

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:02 am

Everyone counts different. We give from our gross income I believe it can be counted as more than a Chomesh because people hold maser should be taken from whatever is left after basic fixed expense.

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:35 am

I'm yeshivish, husband is in kollel and I feel like we're barely getting by.
I decided to give a chomesh a few years ago when my money anxiety was out of control and I needed to prove to myself that more or less money doesn't make me more or less anxious. We never asked a rav about this. We give a chomesh from my paycheck and maaser from kollel check.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:38 am

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

Ate you still getting by even after giving chomesh? I'm very into budgeting and numbers wise we can only just pay maaser if we always want to make it through the month. There would need to be miracles to get more income, as our income is fairly fixed.

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:48 am

Chassidish. Make about 250k gross.

We give chomesh from our net income. We don't deduct any fixed expenses.

DH asked his Rav before starting to give chomesh, and was told to have in mind/say each time that he's giving chomesh now but is not committing to undertake it forever. I think it was something about not inadvertently making it an obligation? I forgot the term, when you do something 3 times in a row and then you have to be mattir neder to stop. Or maybe he told him to verbalize that he is giving chomesh but that he's not undertaking it permanently? The details are foggy but I remember there was something about putting a strong bli neder into place.

amother

Clear

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:52 am

Someone commented about giving maaser after net income minus fixed expenses. Is that what ppl do? I thought it was just net income and that’s how much maaser you give from that number. We’re bh covering expenses, still no savings after buying a house a few years ago. Just covering our monthly with giving maaser rn. We make low middle class, but bh not so much expenses yet, kids still very young.
Very interesting thread, interested to hear what others do, esp in the lower middle class bracket.

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:59 am

amother Turquoise wrote:

B'H still getting by. The math never added up before chomesh and not after (even had 2 more kids since we started).

amother

Opal

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:05 am

amother Clear wrote:

The thought is that poor people don’t give maaser from their food stamps. So why should someone working hard for their food not have enough to eat because they are giving away their food money. Many people pay girls tuition with maaser.

I have learned on this site there are two seperate mitzvas of maaser which needs to be separated (what can be done with it is flexible) and tzeddaka (giving randomly from your own money)

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:13 am

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

B'H still getting by. The math never added up before chomesh and not after (even had 2 more kids since we started).

What does that mean though? Unless our groceries magically become less expensive, there is so little flexibility with our income and expenses.

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:17 am

amother Turquoise wrote:

What does that mean though? Unless our groceries magically become less expensive, there is so little flexibility with our income and expenses.

There's no way for me to explain it. It's a leap of faith that I needed to take.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:21 am

When we asked about which expenses come off the top before giving maaser, we were advised to use our post-tax income less the childcare costs (nanny/babysitter) that were directly related to my income.

allthingsblue

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:43 am

amother Clear wrote:

We give maaser from our net income. No deducting expenses. I think that’s the majority opinion.

renslet

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 11:30 am

We give chomesh.
And we literally see miracles.
It's something that doesn't make sense.
Yesterday, we had $64 dollars in our bank account and I had a bill to pay, someone dropped off mishloach monos with $250 inside (my husband is a Rav) enough for the bill and extra.
I find when I budget too nitpicky I'm not leaving space for Hashem, when I do my best and budget in a more general way (I'm not a big spender) Hashem figures it out.
I also am a big believer of studying and constantly reviewing Sha'ar Habitachon

Another example, I learned that money spent to honor Rosh Chodesh is paid by Hashem. So we started ordering take out each month, sushi, pizza etc. The FIRST month after I had made my pizza order, I got a phone call from my kids school that because I had raised money during their charidy campaign, they were sponsoring three pies of pizza that night , exactly what I had ordered.
I was sold.
The next month, a friend who had heard the story sponsored the bill.
Since then we've ordered every month, something we thought we didn't have any extra money for and somehow Hashem makes it that we finish the month with a bit extra (something that never happened before) or same as before but we've spent more money.

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 12:50 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

I’m so confused.
My husband had asked a Rav who said there’s no actual Halacha- you don’t have to give but you can and you can decide the amount

It sounded so strange to me

There is a disagreement amongst poskim as to whether giving maaser money is halacha or minhag. The Taz belived it is halacha. The Bach and the Chasam Sofer believed it is minhag. It's not a clear answer.

Bleemee

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 12:54 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

We give maaser from our net income. No deducting expenses. I think that’s the majority opinion.

I never heard of deducting fixed expenses. So it’s net income minus food, insurances, utilities, tuitions, car payments, mortgage?