Who takes care of dd with fever in seminary?

amother

Brunette

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:17 am

kenz wrote:

OP I fully agree with you. There should be a show of care and concern for a girl who’s sick with fever. For all those saying, “She’s an adult,” when your child is 18 will you no longer care for her if she’s sick? What about all the threads complaining about husbands who don’t help out enough when their wives are not feeling well? But she’s an adult in that situation too, yet everyone agrees the husbands should pitch in. We entrust our children to seminaries with the understanding someone is looking out for them and making sure they’re ok. Sadly many of them fall short in this area.
Refuah sheleimah.

If the child is at home of course she will be cared for. But the child er adult is thousands of miles away so she has to be a bit more independent because mommy is not there to care for her. There’s only so much a mother can do when she’s far away, her Dd has to figure this out a bit more on her own.

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:34 am

This is just anecdotal
When I was in seminary I hit my head and I think I got a slight concussion, until today I don’t know.
But no one knew, and I didn’t know it was dangerous.
A few hrs later, I started to throw up, and right after felt very sleepy. So I went to sleep.
The next day I couldn’t wake up.
Some time in the afternoon I remember that I woke up for a few seconds and saw the house mother sitting by my bed reading Tehillim.
I slept for 3-4 days straight so I don’t know what exactly happened.

Also when I did feel a bit better it was Friday. She made sure that I ate and she did not let me go out for Shabbos and cooked for me a Shabbos meal. She lived with her husband in the dorm. She apologized that she could not invite me for Shabbos because her grandsons were coming and they were strict on boys and girls being invited at the same time.
She did leave the door to her apartment open so I could enjoy the singing and divre torah.

I was 17. I didn’t even realize there was a connection and it was a dangerous time for me.

I remember she took care of a girl from S.Africa that had gotten a high fever and was delirious. She made sure she took her meds and did not get dehydrated. Made sure someone was watching her if she was not available, and of course had a dr come and check her out.

But for everyday colds or even flu you were kind of on your own, except someone always made sure you had dinner saved.
We had to be at the dorm for dinner Sunday-Wednesday.

I’m sure if it was something serious she would be attended to.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:40 am

kenz wrote:

If your child was away at college, then it would be the exact same thing. She would have to figure out on her own how to care for herself, or ask friends/dorm mates. Simple as that.

And if you think sems are falling short, dont complain, just dont send.

kenz

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:52 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

But she’s not away at college and sems have something called an eim habayit, which literally means house mother. What is she there for exactly if not to lend a helping hand when a girl is sick?
And thank you for the advice, I’ll certainly take it into consideration.

amother

Oxfordblue

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:55 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

This is a little alarming. If someone can't wake up they should have called hatzalah!

amother

Wheat

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:57 am

kenz wrote:

She is away at college.

A college dorm has the equivalent more or less as they are called Resident Assistants. They are generally seniors who get free room and board for this work.

They wouldn’t provide nursing care but would evaluate the health of a person to make sure that they shouldn’t go to the ER or get medical care in some way. However if the student was just sick, the student would rely on friends to bring food. I was only sick once where I lacked the physical strength to get food at the cafeteria and my friends just brought me takeout for a day or so.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 11:07 am

kenz wrote:

Ime, and those of friends at other sems, the eim habayit isn't literally a mother substitute. She doesn't live in the dorm. She drops in now and then to check on things. She is available to help a girl get to a doctor or pharmacy if needed, but she isn't going to be there 24/7 or bringing a sick girl soup. As others have said, her roommates and friends will hopefully step up to get those things for her.

If she really cannot get out of bed at all, or do anything for herself, she probably can't even feed herself the soup, either....and in that case, she needs to go to the ER. Seminaries do not have an infirmary. I knew a few girls who did need to go to the hospital while in seminary but that was for serious stuff. For the typical cold or virus, girls can be ok staying in the dorm with their friends helping them out.

kenz

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 11:20 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

I don’t know what they did for me
I could wake up just wanted to go back to sleep
I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Extremely sleepy

You had a concussion and should have been brought to the hospital immediately. BH you’re ok but it could easily have had a far different outcome.

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 11:25 am

kenz wrote:

You had a concussion and should have been brought to the hospital immediately. BH you’re ok but it could easily have had a far different outcome.

They didn’t know I had hit my head.
I do remember her sitting by my bed reading Tehillim.

This was over 40yrs ago, im not sure if that makes a difference

My point was, unless it’s something serious her friends can help her.

amother

Brickred

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 12:50 pm

Nowhere near sending my own to seminary... but when I was in sem I got very sick. I was not close with my roommates and they didn't ask if I needed anything, just left me in bed. I couldn't talk, couldn't pick up my head. When the aim bayit came around after the attendance lady said I was absent she was furious that none of the girls had called her to check on me. She thought I had meningitis. She called a cab and sent me to the doctor the seminary used - it wasn't far but I could hardly move. Turned out I had pneumonia. I was too shy to ask the madrichot for help getting my medicine and ended up doing it on my own. It was pretty dysfunctional. Obviously there's a time to grow up and deal with life, but it was the beginning of the year, I didn't have friends yet, and I'm naturally really shy. OP, I feel for you being far away and just wanting to be sure your daughter has what she needs. For everyone saying she'd have to deal with it in college, if you're in college in the US there are much easier ways to take care of yourself than E"Y where it's also all in a different language! Here you can get food delivered, you can get meds delivered, and you can get a telehealth appointment so you don't need to leave your bed!
She should have a quick refuah shelaima!!

ora_43

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 12:57 pm

On the one hand, yeah, when you're an adult you have to find ways to deal with sickness.

OTOH:

1. for most people a big part of how they deal is going to be living at least somewhat close to family. A husband, a sister, something. You invite someone to a country where they don't know anyone, and don't know the language or health system or anything, it's already a different situation. That's a level of coping that most of us BH don't have to do often if ever.

2. What about middot? IDK it feels like just letting a girl lie sick in bed is a really bad lesson from a place that's supposed to be teaching Torah and middot 24/7. I'm not saying she needs to be waited on hand and foot, but like - someone checking in during the morning, bringing meds and a snack if she feels to sick to get it herself, asking if she needs anything. Basic attention and care like you'd show for a friend if she was sick at your house.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 1:21 pm

ora_43 wrote:

It didn't sound like she doesn't have water or tylenol etc. It sounds like op was hoping there's someone who will be around the dorm all day checking in regularly and bringing her soup and snacks throughout the day.

I doubt her roommates just left her there completely on her own, but they have classes they need to go to and can't be there 24/7. Certainly they should check on her at mealtimes and offer to bring food.

It sounds like op is envisioning an infirmary sort of set up, with a nurse or house mother who is there all day attending to every single need. It doesn't exist in any seminary or yeshiva for that matter.
For sure the eim habayit will be available if she really has a pressing medical need, but it's just not part of her role to sit in a dorm room all day when a girl is under the weather.

amother

Chicory

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 1:29 pm

Did noone have madrichot in seminary? We had a few and they took turns whod be in each night and at least 1madricha would be available for the girls. I remember one came with me to emergency room to check out my arm I fell on. EIM Habayis was also around and able to connect with her at certain times . Etc.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 1:31 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

When you have long lists of rules about everything, strict uniforms, can't go to certain places, etc, etc, that's not treating them as adults. Can't have it both ways.

Not exactly. Different places have different amenities. Some seminaries offer in shabbos if girls don't have a place to go, some don't. Some offer 3 meals a day, some only 2. It's not necessarily connected to their rules about uniforms or allowed outings.

This is why it’s important to do research and choose a school that will best fit your needs and expectations. If you want a seminary with a super involved eim habayis, you need to go with a sem that offers that. Most do not.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 1:34 pm

In a good place, her friends, a madricha, and eim bayis should make sure she gets food from meals. If she needs to go to an urgent care, staff should help with the logistics. Staff should check on her at least once daily. Does it usually happen? Not in most places I know of.
No one will be bringing chicken soup or healthy snacks, though.
You can order like a get well package for her if you can afford it. It should lift her spirits. Refuah sheleima!