Schools for daughter of converts in BP

amother

Jean

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 4:25 pm

Princess23 wrote:

It’s just incredible how a convert can become chasidish. It’s like taking a random non Jews, putting them into an insular community and telling them to follow everything they do. No matter how much they may believe in it or think it’s right, that’s just not feasible for most. Therefore, to me, it makes most sense for converts just to practice and live life doing mitzvos while still being the way they were before. Meaning, hanging out with same crowd prior to conversion, going to regular colleges, etc… meaning be modern orthodox more than chasidish. Also, the mindset of being raised non religious, you will always know the mindset of not frum people and be able to understand them better, than someone like me who was raised ffb. It doesn’t matter how much time I spend with not religious world, I just can’t relate as well. I see it with my husband. Also, so many frum people are judgemental towards converts and unaccepting. I try not telling people my husband a convert. It made a whole interesting conversation with a Jewish women married to a non Jewish guy. But, you get the point. Same way most bt and geirim are still picking up on frum social life, I too still am picking up on not Jewish world. Sometimes, I’ll think I’m the only Jew around and get excited to see other Jews. Just happened to me on Reddit. I was on a forum similar to this for my work. There were Indians and different random non Jews, I saw a Jew and was like wait, your Jewish too?! Then I noticed the username and was like ok, that makes sense lol.

I'm sorry I'm not understanding your post. Can you please explain what you mean by 'taking a random non-Jew and putting them into a...community...telling them to follow..'. Noone is putting anyone anywhere! Nor are they telling anyone to follow anyone!

These people are fully grown adults who have made their own decision about which community they want to be part of. Did anyone 'tell you' where to live? No? Nor do they tell anyone else.

Of course if a convert has doubts concerning the best place to live then guess what? They will ask and receive advice from a Rav/mentor-exactly the same way as any other Jew would-it's completely irrelevant whether or not they were born Jewish!

Also why do you seem to think that a convert should live amongst non-Jews AFTER they have been me'gayer? If someone converts they obviously want to live as part of a Jewish community, because THEY ARE AS JEWISH AS YOU AND ME. What they were before converting IS IRRELEVANT!!

ETA: I live in a very chareidi yeshivish Community. Some of my children had daughters of geirim in their classes. They were part and parcel of the school, the community, the Shuls, everything. In fact not everyone knew their background, and if they did it was simply a fact, that's all. They went on to marry siblings of classmates, in short they were fully integrated in every way.

So Princess, please explain why they should 'live amongst non-Jews'. Would it bother you if your daughter would be friends with them? All I can say is that my daughters gained tremendously having these wonderful girls as their friends.

amother

Almond

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 4:29 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Just ignore. Her post is judgmental and really not so intelligent.

Highstrung

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 4:42 pm

I know this thread went off course I felt the need to give OP chizuk.

My father was a ger. I literally just got up from shiva for him yesterday. When he became a yid he came to Bobov. My father was known to have spent the most time one on one with the Bobover Rebbe, Reb Shlomo z”l. My father left the community over 30 yrs ago , due to personal issues he had .
Let me tell, the outpouring of love from Bobov was beyond anything we could imagine. The Satmar Rebbe , Reb Yoel also gave my father special kavod and he wasn’t even. Satmar chossid. I went to Bais Brocha and later to BY and my brothers to Bobov. I always fit in and never once felt “different”. Rabbi Scherman from Bais Brocha came to be menachem avel as well as BOTH Bobover Rebbes , 48th and 45th.
I have an extended “family” with many Chasidish “relatives”. Bobov, Belz, Chabad, and Gur.
And now when I shared my background and who my father was with the menahel of my kids school, he was so touched .
In this messed up world , people judge converts for joining the frum world. Sometimes , I would think , why do I have such pride about my father’s journey and his geirus? People think it’s a bad thing. But now after his passing I got to see why. I know I’m lucky to have this “yichus”, even if it’s hard for many people to understand.

OP, hatzlacha on getting your daughter into the right school. Know that many times we experience rejection. I have many many times. But remember as horrible as it feels, it’s all part of Hashem’s way of sending you and guiding you on the right path to the right place. So if you’re not accepted in one school, that means it wasn’t meant for her and ultimately HaShem will put her where she was meant to be on her journey of life. You will see.

Hatzlacha rabba

amother

Almond

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 4:51 pm

Highstrung wrote:

Amazing 💕

amother

Bisque

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 4:58 pm

Princess23 wrote:

It doesn't seem like you have much exposure to BTs or converts. I know many very Yeshivish BTs- you'd never know they came from a nonfrum background.

amother

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 5:32 pm

My son has no clue of our background. He looks like any other kid on the block. My husband and I are proud of being converts but we are the type to only announce it when people try to play jewish geography with us. Like I mentioned my mom and mother in law are coming in the summer iyh and my husband said we should tell him that this is mommys mommy and that is tatty's mommy. And they dont look like mommy and its ok.

I dont want to overburden his little brain about our conversions because he wont understand or appreciate it fully. He's only 4 going on 5. And yes we will tell our kids at the right ages depending.

Also when a Jew converts its always their decision. No one "forced" me to be religious. I chose to be religious. I left my former religion mainly because the answers to my questions confused me. It never made sense. Now yes people in the past have told me to stay away from chasidim because there's a lot of pressure etc when I started dating my husband (who is a self made chossid). And yes it IS true that there is pressure in the chasidish community to be a certain way etc but I persevered and yes had some struggles in the past and now live a regular life. Also I cant for the life of me relate to my old school friends or family members. Judaism is my life and its all I dreamt of being.

amother

Yolk

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 6:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

When I tell people that I'm a convert their eyes pop right out. They all say I look too "heimish" and "they would've never thought". My husband is very knowledgeable bh and takes everything very seriously and he and I are a solid couple. Yes we bump heads sometimes lol but we BH have a rav. My son goes to a very chasidish cheder (satmar bobov skver viznitz - big names like that) so my husband probably wants a girls school that "matches" with my son's. We got into that cheder because in the shul where we belong and go to most of the boys go to this one cheder. My husband explained to me once in detail but its escaping me at the moment. I am more open to bybp type schools. There are different levels of chasidish and honestly I'm not sure what my personal level is lol. My husband is more shtark than I am thats for sure. Like yea if we have a question in halacha, chinuch, etc we run to the rav. But we dont ask a rav for every little thing we want to do like move apartments. My husband is still in touch with his mother but not as much as I am so there IS some contact with our non Jewish relatives. Our mothers are iyh coming in the summer to meet their grandchildren for the first time so there will be quite the conversation with my son. My daughter is too little to chap...
For now my husband wants to try every school before turning to bybp. If you saw us on the street you wouldn't think twice. We are told that bh we blend in so well. My kids are yiddish speaking, I am learning the language painfully slowly. And it's definitely awkward when my son says a full blown paragraph and I'm like "uhmmmm...ok zeier shein" and he looks at me funny and tries to explain to me what he said. I do speak to him in english and he responds only Yiddish but BH one of us understands the other completely. My daughter is just barely starting to talk but I wont be surprised if she catches on quick. I speak English to my kids. My husband is fluent in yiddish but again he knows 5 languages.
I was not always chasidish all my frum life. I was drawn to it though so when I met my husband the rest was history.

That would make me so sad to not be able to understand my own children. Can’t they speak English with you at home?

amother

Jean

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 11:20 am

amother Jean wrote:

Should I delete this post? Mods have removed some posts for a particular reason from another thread and judging from what they removed this might be considered offensive for the same reason...
OTOH if they didn't remove it then maybe it's okay, idk...

amother

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:22 am

Peersupport wrote:

It's very common for Chassidishe familis in BP to speak English at home.

It's okay if your son learns to talk both languages.

(Unless you are doing it on purpose to learn faster?)

I know its ok. My husband and I speak English to each other Smile

but he speaks Yiddish to our kids and I'm learning it through him BH.
I'm slowly catching on, but I am not confident to speak it without sounding funny lol..so I am continuing to speak English to my kids. BH they understand me:) also my son has weekly speech therapy and since his speech was discovered to be very delayed last yr the therapist told us we should keep doing what we are doing, like one parent should keep speaking the way they've been speaking, otherwise he'll be confused and lost by the time he has to learn English in cheder something like that...and its clear to her that he understands both because he responds to both when she works with him, just responds in Yiddish. It used to bother me a lot but I'm happy that he is talking at least. He came a long way. I'm just annoyed at myself for not learning fast enough but I know I'll get there iyh.

Anyway didn't mean to bother with this whole speech thing lol but just wanted to ease some worried people here.

I know there's a book that teaches you how to speak Yiddish and I showed it to my husband and he said the yiddish is ok but it's the wrong accent, not the accent spoken in chasidish communities. There was a whatsapp group that I found incredibly helpful but its been dead for 2 years already.