Schools for daughter of converts in BP

amother

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 11:29 pm

When I tell people that I'm a convert their eyes pop right out. They all say I look too "heimish" and "they would've never thought". My husband is very knowledgeable bh and takes everything very seriously and he and I are a solid couple. Yes we bump heads sometimes lol but we BH have a rav. My son goes to a very chasidish cheder (satmar bobov skver viznitz - big names like that) so my husband probably wants a girls school that "matches" with my son's. We got into that cheder because in the shul where we belong and go to most of the boys go to this one cheder. My husband explained to me once in detail but its escaping me at the moment. I am more open to bybp type schools. There are different levels of chasidish and honestly I'm not sure what my personal level is lol. My husband is more shtark than I am thats for sure. Like yea if we have a question in halacha, chinuch, etc we run to the rav. But we dont ask a rav for every little thing we want to do like move apartments. My husband is still in touch with his mother but not as much as I am so there IS some contact with our non Jewish relatives. Our mothers are iyh coming in the summer to meet their grandchildren for the first time so there will be quite the conversation with my son. My daughter is too little to chap...
For now my husband wants to try every school before turning to bybp. If you saw us on the street you wouldn't think twice. We are told that bh we blend in so well. My kids are yiddish speaking, I am learning the language painfully slowly. And it's definitely awkward when my son says a full blown paragraph and I'm like "uhmmmm...ok zeier shein" and he looks at me funny and tries to explain to me what he said. I do speak to him in english and he responds only Yiddish but BH one of us understands the other completely. My daughter is just barely starting to talk but I wont be surprised if she catches on quick. I speak English to my kids. My husband is fluent in yiddish but again he knows 5 languages.
I was not always chasidish all my frum life. I was drawn to it though so when I met my husband the rest was history.

amother

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 11:31 pm

Yes I told my husband to try to get applications to bais sara and gan yisroel. I work very full time and he has more breaks in the day and he has that certain personality so he has time to make calls and run to schools to fill out applications.
Most of the applications ask for 2 numbers so when people say that we should use everyone to push the schools does that mean we call everyone we know and ask them to call that one school and then another? Or is it just 2 numbers? Because thats what we've been doing-- giving 2 numbers per school.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 4:48 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes they need to call on your behalf

amother

Steel

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 5:05 am

amother OP wrote:

All those schools mentioned here could be a good match for you, even they might not be a "match" according to your husband. Viznitz, Satmar etc.... I'm sorry, its a match for very few people....

amother

Salmon

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 9:10 am

If you as a person r more comfortable in bybp type and u as a person r less shtark than your husband, find a school for ur daughter where YOU feel comfortable with the student body/parents.
If u send to viznitz or satmar etc and go to ur daughter play where all the mothers have covered sheitels or shpitzels, use digital cameras not smart phones, and mostly speak Yiddish u may stick out.
It’s important that u r comfortable in ur daughter school.
I’m stressing u not ur husband cuz it’s fine if he’s super chassidish and goes to boys pta-he’s not going to ur daughters pta.
There r plenty of families in BP who send to a chassidish Cheder and a more neutral girls school.
Keep that in mind & everyone will b happier iyh. Even if ur husband feels it’s going down a level, u have to accept where u as the mother r holding. It’s not pretend anymore, oh I want to b this level so I’ll send to the ideal of where I want to b holding - it’s real life where u need to look at where ur at. And as ur daughter grows it’s even more important that u can deal w the principals, etc. bh u have so many options in Bp iyh ull get a good match.
Hatzlacha raba!

amother

Ecru

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 9:43 am

amother Salmon wrote:

This is great advice. Op listen to this. It's extremely common for boys to be in more chassidish places than the girls.

Princess23 you might wanna start a spinoff with your fascination/ musings. Really not appropriate here.

amother

Heather

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 10:06 am

Princess23 wrote:

It’s just incredible how a convert can become chasidish. It’s like taking a random non Jews, putting them into an insular community and telling them to follow everything they do. No matter how much they may believe in it or think it’s right, that’s just not feasible for most. Therefore, to me, it makes most sense for converts just to practice and live life doing mitzvos while still being the way they were before. Meaning, hanging out with same crowd prior to conversion, going to regular colleges, etc… meaning be modern orthodox more than chasidish. Also, the mindset of being raised non religious, you will always know the mindset of not frum people and be able to understand them better, than someone like me who was raised ffb. It doesn’t matter how much time I spend with not religious world, I just can’t relate as well. I see it with my husband. Also, so many frum people are judgemental towards converts and unaccepting. I try not telling people my husband a convert. It made a whole interesting conversation with a Jewish women married to a non Jewish guy. But, you get the point. Same way most bt and geirim are still picking up on frum social life, I too still am picking up on not Jewish world. Sometimes, I’ll think I’m the only Jew around and get excited to see other Jews. Just happened to me on Reddit. I was on a forum similar to this for my work. There were Indians and different random non Jews, I saw a Jew and was like wait, your Jewish too?! Then I noticed the username and was like ok, that makes sense lol.

Oh please. I'm part of a chassidish community in Brooklyn. There are a handful of families with parents or a grandparent who are converts. Their children and grandchildren are completely part of the community, they never stuck out in any way and married other people within the community. I never even knew until I was an adult. Anybody can join a community and fit in, it's really not that hard. Even if she has a harder time, her kids will fit right in.
If you want to join a specific chassidus, the easiest way to do that, is if your boys and girls are in that chassiduses school. If your son is in a certain chassidus school try to get in to the same chassidus for your daughter. If this doesn't work then Bais Yaakov of Boro Park and Bais Sara are great choices. Bais Sara is very chassidish and Bais Yaakov is a mix of yeshivish, chassidish and everybody in the middle.
Most neutral schools will give you a hard time and play hard to get and lie to you that they're already full. Anybody who aplies unless they know you has to get on their hands and knees to beg.

Amelia Bedelia

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 10:30 am

amother Salmon wrote:

That's why I think Bais Sara or Bnos Perel is a good option. Everyone is chassidish but some are more open-minded, so you will probably fit in yet your dh will also be happy at the level of chassidishkeit there too (did I just make up a word?). You will fit in in my Bais Yaakov but the parent body is definitely not as chassidish as your dh would like.
Ultimately though, your dd will end up wherever she is accepted. Let's hope that you at least have a few choices. Hatzlacha!

amother

Emerald

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 12:20 pm

Princess23 wrote:

Really? You’re posting on someone’s innocent thread asking about school choices and you’re casting shade on her whole life choices?
Your life isn’t a reflection of every situation. No need to cast judgement and issue options as facts based on your experiences