Rebbe and Morah who potch at home

amother

Heather

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:31 am

amother Dustypink wrote:

As I said, I'm confident in our parenting methods, whatever they may be, and we're bh blessed to see great results.
I also understand that there's no one way that's perfect parenting, and different people have different methods & ways that may be good parenting, even if I don't agree with that method.

This. Just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean either of you are wrong or "bad" or somehow untrustworthy with children. As a teacher, I hate to think that people are so judgemental of our differences- I am always telling my PreK kids that Hashem made us all different and it's GOOD!

amother

Mintgreen

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:31 am

I think maybe the school should say they don't want your child in the school because you're a person who is mekabel lashon hara, which is 100% assur.

You said the teacher is known to be a good mechaneches. Clearly, she knows what she's doing. But if you think you know better, go right ahead and put your kids into a different school. Or homeschool, as people have mentioned previously, so that you can be absolutely sure that no one who ever patches teachers your children.

I do think what she does at home is none of your business, that there are times that hitting is necessary, and that there are times that a family that limits discipline is actually abusive.

My child had a classmate who constantly bullied him. When I complained to the school I was told that there's nothing they can do, all the kids in that family are like that, and the parents don't discipline their children so there's essentially no hope.

My children, who have at times been hit, are well adjusted, happy, loved children bh. They are caring and nice to other children.

Do I wake up in the morning and say I plan on hitting my children today? Absolutely not. But, as you said, it is a red line. If something is bad enough that it deserves a potch, it deserves a potch. And I really believe that withholding that potch when it's warranted is very wrong.

You're parroting a snowflake society that doesn't think. They believe in blm and free palatine and supporting the underdog. There's no rational thinking and long term understanding about anything.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:32 am

amother OP wrote:

You are avoiding the question and you have every right to do so. If you are potching just pick up the phone and call a respected parenting expert. It can be across the board as I’m pretty confident nowadays no expert will advocate for potching. It’s unheard of.

How do we ascertain who is a parenting expert? Because someone says she is, and follows the fads of general society, they become a parenting expert?

Many gedolim have NOT come out against potching. And teachers have told me that today's kids are so much harder to teach and control.

Maybe we really AREN'T smarter than all the generations that came before us.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:34 am

amother Heather wrote:

Differences are wonderful and are meant to be celebrated as that’s how we are unique and our own special person Hashem created.

There are practices that are harmful to all across the board and I believe potching falls into that category.

There isn’t any benefit that comes from lifting your hand to a child or toddler who is physically smaller and weaker then you.

amother

Dustypink

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:34 am

amother OP wrote:

You're being pretty rude and condescending.
Part of being a good parent & a good person, is displaying good middos tovos. Not potching, is not the ultimate of parenting. Especially if it comes with bad middos.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:36 am

amother cornflower wrote:

Call Rebbitzen Spetner, Rabbi Brezak, Dina Friedman, Rabbi Bender. The list goes on. There are a lot of resources nowadays and it’s good to tap into it.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:37 am

amother Dustypink wrote:

I’m sorry if I came across as rude. That’s not my feeling in my heart. I’m sorry.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:41 am

amother OP wrote:

Call Rebbitzen Spetner, Rabbi Brezak, Dina Friedman, Rabbi Bender. The list goes on. There are a lot of resources nowadays and it’s good to tap into it.

Rebbetzin Spetner, Rabbi Brezak and Dina Friedman are not my gedolim. As for Rabbi Bender... I will ask him. But of course he's not the only gadol in the world, and even if he says so, many, many disagree.

amother

Heather

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:43 am

amother OP wrote:

With all due respect, just because you believe it, even if I agree with you, it doesn't mean that anyone who does it is bad and untrustworthy to teach.

There is a big difference between hitting your kids out of anger and the kind of soft teaching potching method I saw. Potching doesn't always mean beating, like my Father's father did to him and his brothers. Potching doesn't mean horrible punishment and screaming, like my mother's mother did to her.

But go ahead and homeschool your kids if you feel this is so important that you should never have anyone who has different beliefs than you teach your child - homeschooling is great!

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:50 am

amother cornflower wrote:

I don’t know of one contemporary gadol who promotes potching. If you know of any let me know.

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:54 am

hate to tell u all, the best parenting advisor is your spouse (or yourself). all these experts have read a few books, talked to a few psychologists....no one knows your child better than you.
bh I've raised good kids some we potched more than others. they all show gratitude to our parenting and say they wldnt pick any other family.
we know what's best for our kids at any given time and that my friends is called good parenting, having the confidence to do what is right at any given time (be that a trip with a child, a phone for the teen, a potch for the toddler....) trust yourselves and be the best parent you can be.
as for the teqxhers let them bring up their kids as they see fit. don't judge them till you've walked a mile in their shoes which you not ever gonna do so meantime unless your child is being harmed by the teacher (physically or emotionally) Chas vesholom, just get on with it

amother

Dustypink

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 9:59 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

This. Woke parents that are raising woke kids, are a disaster to society. Parents need to stop being weak and afraid of their kids. Kids need and crave confident & strong parents. Otherwise, kids feel insecure, unsafe, and are not confident with themselves.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 10:05 am

amother Dustypink wrote:

I agree with you that parents need to be confident and embody strength. That doesn’t need to come with potching though. True strength comes from an inner resolve not to hit.
Kids who aren’t potched aren’t woke kids. My kids are sensitive, empathetic and confident kids who are bh doing very well.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 10:10 am

amother OP wrote:

And my kids (who were occassionally potched) are sensitive, empathetic and confident and are doing very well. Therefore????

amother

Mintgreen

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 10:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Or, just like their mother: rigid, judgemental, and feel superior to others, without the ability to accept differences of opinion or give anyone who differs from them the benefit of the doubt.

I hope I'm wrong about you and your kids, but that's definitely the way you present yourselves on this thread.

giftedmom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 10:13 am

It’s healthy for kids to have some adversity in life. Our job as parents is not to bulldoze before them and make sure they never encounter anyone who is not perfectly kind and empathetic. So yes, they may sometimes have a teacher or principal that is more rigid and not so in tune. It’s not so pleasant, but then the next year, hopefully they get a better one. It creates resilience. As long as we as parents are a safe presence it’s okay and important to allow our children to experience life.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 10:15 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

Thanks for the feedback.

My sharing of my kids was just anecdotal as to how kids can thrive in a potch free environment. How potching isnt a necessary tool to raise kids.

But don’t trust me, reach out to a mechanech or parenting expert you respect and ask them if potching is the way for this generation.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 10:17 am

giftedmom wrote:

Yes, I agree with you giftedmom. That’s not my concern. This thread was in regard to the unsettled feeling in my heart knowing these are my kids teachers and they are doing something I feel is very wrong. That’s all.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 10:17 am

amother OP wrote:

I think you should assume that most teachers do things at home sometimes that you feel are very wrong.