How much can I get rid of?

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 1:03 pm

spikta wrote:

I too have a spouse that hates throwing things out, and he's gotten very offended when I've thrown out stuff that's meaningful to him, but he rarely does the work of going over stuff to identify what's important (e.g. - getting annoyed at me for only saving a box full of the kids' clothes from the past year, and donating 3 garbage bags worth, because there were some very sentimental shirts that I gave away Banging head

)

I try to focus my decluttering efforts on areas that are only my domain and that DH won't care if I declutter. That means the kitchen and my closet.

We used to have way to much kitchen stuff. How do you know that you have too much kitchen stuff? If you have to go digging for items, you can't find a thing that you want, you have stuffed cabinets that things fall on you when you open. Even if your drawers and cabinets aren't stuffed to the brim, they likely have a lot of stuff you really don't use. You probably have too many fancy serving utensils and cutesy kitchen gadgets all clogging up the silverware drawer so that it takes you an extra few seconds to find a teaspoon, every single time you open the drawer. I found small kitchen items the easiest to start with because I know exactly what gets used and what doesn't, since I do most of the cooking and dishwashing. Take a thick bag (so you don't get stabbed by the 17 steak knives you don't need) and fill it with stuff you haven't used in the last 6 months. Including gifts. Including parts of a set (you'll never use your fleishik butter knife!!). Think of duplicates - do you really need more than one can opener? Peeler? Also think about things that you hate using or cleaning like knives that don't cut well, or a serving spoon with too many crevices that catch gunk. It's so freeing to go over the silverware drawer. There are so many things that we keep in there because we got them as gifts, or as backup pesach items that we ended up having already, and it is so so nice, to have a drawer that isn't full (you're allowed to have drawers and cabinets that aren't full! you don't need to fill them!) so it's super easy to grab what you want.

Take the bag of stuff you filled up, drop it off at goodwill without a second thought and enjoy the shot of motivation every time you open the silverware drawer.

Next steps:
- Tupperware cabinet: Toss all containers w/o lids and vice versa, without a second thought. No, no one needs your mismatched takeout containers. They are 100% garbage.
- Coffee mug collection: Keep one mug per coffee/tea drinker in the house, plus 2 extra. Pack the rest off to goodwill, or just dump. There are too many coffee mugs in the world, and no poor people are out there wishing they had your old coffee mugs.
- Cups: Get rid of all ugly mismatched cups. Have one nice set of glasses, and only stackable plastic cups for kids so they don't take up space.
- Baking stuff: How frequently do you use actual metal cake pans and not just 9*13 aluminum pans? For me the answer is several times a year. That kind of low frequency of use doesn't justify kitchen space. Whatever I didn't give away I moved to the back of the pantry, stacking them by size so I can find the one I want when I do decide to use an actual metal pan. You probably have some annoying silocone pans that never come fully clean, jello molds that you never use, or fluted dessert cups that you got for your wedding. Life is too short to be a warehouse manager of stuff you don't need. Give them away.
- Serving pieces: Give. Them. Away. If you haven't used them in the past year, give them away. Something you use infrequently, but you do use, put on a high shelf so it doesn't bother you when you're reaching for the platter you use every shabbos. If twice a year you have to get on a chair to pull out serving pieces for the sheva brachos you're hosting, it's worth the free space you've earned in the easier to reach cabinets for the rest of the year.

Once you start, it's just amazing, you'll feel free and less dependent on things for happiness, really, your life will get so much better.

(We use our fleishig butter knife! When we have chrein that come in the skinny jars, it fits better than anything else 😂

And I just bought more peelers, we're down to 2 and I have 4-5 kids peeling simultaneously)

Last edited by Hashem_Yaazor on Sun, Oct 22 2023, 1:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

spikta

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 12:30 am

Keep in mind that you don't have to give away everything you don't use every day. You have different levels of real estate in your house. The easier a place is to access, the more frequently used the things that live there need to be.

For example, if you have a coat rack in the entryway, that's a hot location that everyone will want to hang their stuff on, because that's where you want to put your coat when you walk in the door. However, not every single coat in the house needs to fit there. Store the everyday stuff there, and find other storage for things that are worn less frequently. I have a rain jacket that I use every day when it's rainy, a snow coat, a couple of shabbos coats, and a couple of fashion type jackets. Only my everyday jacket lives on the coatrack by the door, and everything else lives in my closet, because realistically, I wear my other coats and jackets maybe a few times a year. When I come home from shul with my shabbos coat I'll let it hang there to dry, but eventually I'll put it back in my closet, and it won't clutter up the space for the next month.

Everyone has way too many sweatshirts. My kids have 2-3 each since you really don't need them that much. When it's cold out, indoor spaces are heated so it's too hot for a sweatshirt. We only use sweatshirts and hoodies for the in between times, for extra heat when you're on your way somewhere, or when you're spending time outside and it's not quite cold enough for a coat.
Can you ask the kids to declutter some of their own stuff? Have them choose their top 2-3 sweatshirts/hoodies and donate the rest. If they're really attached let them keep more, but it's likely at least some of the kids are rotating so many because they're there, not because they actually need them.

Everyone has way too many bags!! If you actually use tote bags, leave a single tote bag filled with 5-10 colapsable/fabric totes in the entryway and donate everything else. You do not need them and will never use them, and you'll get new ones faster than the existing ones get damaged/lost. If you need reusable shopping bags, they should live in your trunk, not in your house. When you're done unloading groceries, coral them all and put them by the door so you remember to bring them back to the car next time you go out.
As for backpacks, everyone needs one bag for school/work, and another one for shabatonim/day trips, which should be kept somewhere low traffic, not the entryway. That's it. Donate everything else. I'm not going to go into decluttering yours or your teenaged girls handbag collection if they have one, but anything more than 1-2 handbags used very frequently should be stored in a room closet and not in the collective high traffic coat closet.

Shoes - Anything that isn't worn daily should be kept in rooms. Shabbos shoes, flip flops, etc., not by the door. For the little kids I keep it minimal - 1 pair sneakers, 1 pair shabbos shoes, 1 pair sandals and that's it. They don't need more than that. Boots - one pair per person, two if you live in a super cold area and need rain boots and snow boots separately, but then all the snow gear (boots, snow pants, etc.) can be kept in a box that comes out only during the months when it's relevant, and you don't have to trip over all of it most of the time. If it rains less than 6 months a year box up the rain stuff at the end of the rainy season too. If you/your teenagers have multiple boots, everything that isn't your every day pair lives in your own closet.

I have yet to figure out a comprehensive method for too many toys. We have a toy room, when I don't want to look at it I close the door. Every few months we'll try to sort it out, but the clutter in there doesn't bother me much because it's not my stuff and I don't have to go there. Kids often bring toys into the living room, and we bring them back to the toy room when we clean for shabbos, but it's usually only 2-3 things. Our toys are in storage bins that kids have some difficulty dragging by themselves (a box full of magnatiles or train tracks weighs a good 20 lb), so I can refuse to help them drag a new toy to the living room if there's already something all over the floor there. If they clean up the lego I'll help them bring out the trains, or they can play with the trains in the playroom where I don't have to see it. When I see a broken toy, or a toy with parts missing, or something we have duplicates of, I quietly dump or donate. Crappy plastic prizes (kinder egg toys, birthday party and school prizes) and seasonal toys (we don't need more plastic shofars and driedels, they'll get more next year) often "disappear", the kids rarely notice. Like with the coffee mugs, no one needs your plastic ****. Don't agonize over whether there's a child somewhere who could play with your checkers board that's only missing 1 piece, because maybe they could substitute a bottle cap or something. Just. Toss.
If you have a lot of loose toys get large bins for them, but it doesn't have to be this amazing organizational system. When you want to clean, everyone helps throw all the stuff in bins so you have a clear floor. That's it. If you have multiple bins worth of loose toys, quietly weed out the broken, gross and unused stuff. Don't make a whole project of it, don't sort all the puzzles and games and agonize over how many barbies you need. Just spend 10 minutes filling a garbage bag every now and then.

spikta

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:30 am

In general - You keep asking how much you can get rid of various things. You can get rid of whatever you want and as much as you want. You don't need permission. You don't owe it to anyone to keep on owning everything you ever bought or were gifted. Money that you spent is spent. Owning the stuff will not bring the money you spent on it back into your bank account. If you own too much stuff, you won't be able to find all the things you bought and you'll end up spending even more money on duplicates.

As far as Bal Tashchis goes, the issur of Bal Tashchis came about during a completely different time. We own more things than all of our ancestors put together, and it is perfectly OK to get rid of what isn't being used. Hashem doesn't want you living in constant overwhelm, pointlessly babysitting endless things that waste your time and energy. Hashem wants you to have a clear mind so you can do mitzvas with happiness.

Don't make yourself crazy wasting time on how to give away stuff. Don't try to think which of your friends is making a bas mitzva this year and might want davka the pink floral napkins. Don't vet people and go looking to give only to really needy people. Just get it out of the house.
Whatever you can donate easily - donate. For everything else, join a buy nothing group in your area and give away what you don't need, ideally in lots (don't list every single toy, item of clothing and package of plastic silverware separately. List bags and boxes).
If goodwill won't take it and no one on buy nothing wants it, throw it away. If it's not useful anymore, and it's not bal tashchis to throw it out. You don't have a chiyuv to go searching for an artist that makes sculptures out of old books, or a charity flying a container of broken toys to Africa.

ra_mom

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 6:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

The reason why I'm asking what can I get rid of is because every single article or what not about housekeeping starts off with the clear directive that purging is step one.
I'm not trying to organize right now. Right now, I need to clear my house of as much extra inventory as I can so that I can organize and have a change of being on top of our stuff.
I've organized my house bunches of times but it takes 30 seconds before it's a huge mess again and I'm drowning. Step one is less stuff. Step two is organized in a way that is not hard to upkeep or quickly reset when needed.
Maybe you ladies have an idea for how to prevent the clutter from building up so quickly.

You're doing great. Decluttering is the way to go.
One you've decluttered, the way to upkeep is to set the timer for 5 minutes each night and run around the house and decluttering.

Believe it or not, new papers, new cold cups, new tchatchkes, new package deliveries, new clothes and new food comes into the house each day.

With clothes, the rule is if 1 thing new is added, 1 old thing must be discarded in its place. With food, if new produce is coming in, old produce needs to be looked at/used up. New food for the fridge? Before putting away, clean out old leftovers that are no longer good.

spikta

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 12:26 am

You've got it right, don't bother organizing unless you absolutely have to, since it will just get unorganized. Clutter happens because we have too many things and not enough places to put them. The only things worth spending time on organizing right now are things that will stay organized for a significant amount of time, like putting away seasonal stuff that won't be needed for at least half a year.

Reducing clutter is a very general ask. It very much depends on your personal situation, but here are some things that work for us:
Go on a shopping diet. Except food, and maybe a random school item for the kids, you don't need new stuff. Don't go to dollar stores, amazing savings, or target. Don't browse on amazon. If you want to own less things, first stop buying new things, particularly online. In a few days when it actually shows up, who has the energy to unpack it, throw out the wrapping, collapse and recycle the box, and find a place to put it away... Keep that in mind when you're tempted to order stuff. You can limit food purchases too - shop your pantry and freezer. Challenge yourself to cook for shabbos only with things you already own. It's the best way to clear space.
Don't let new things in the house. Throw out or put things in a donation bag before people get attached to them (eg my hoarder DH...).

But the best thing is really to just start purging. Start where it's easiest for you so you don't give up 5 minutes in. Get a garbage bag and start filling it with things you don't need. When you're done put it right in the trunk of your car so people can't take stuff back.