Do you go to your childs bris?

YounginBP

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 12:43 pm

Yes.

Chasidish and no way I would miss that. For 9 months straight I said I am going, last minute I was afraid and my dh pushed me to go.

My MIL didn't say a boo. She probably didn't like it but it wasn't her choice.
My mother skipped her first son's bris and said never again.
Most of my siblings didn't go. I wanted to be there so I went.
My grandmother said something but I ignored her.

I have seen too many brisin where the baby wasn't cared for properly or the grandmother had her hands full. I am happy I went and would go again iyh.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

This is what I mean. Why??? Are you so sure it's an old wives tale? Are you sure beyond a shadow of doubt that there is no source for this? Even in this thread, someone brought a source from kabalah. Why so quick to be sure it's an old wives tale?

Because I looked into it before my son's bris. Chassidish. And was told it's baloney. They baby the mother and say aiyin horah. Seriously? But then have a fancy vacht nacht the previous night. B. If you claimother can't handle it then wait outside the room during actual bris. Which I did.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:09 pm

I only have one son (pregnant now bH with most probably my last, and it's a girl) and I wouldn't have dreamed of skipping the bris. As painful as it was for me, it was more painful for him, and he needed me there!

amother

Smokey

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:11 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

To add to that, it's a mitzvah so it's inappropriate to have that pang when you see your child in pain. This is the reason why many chassidish women have the minhag not to go.

I don't see how it's inappropriate to have a pang even when it's a mitzva. That pang could be there AND you could still wholeheartedly do this. Women are not weaklings. There are a lot of "pangs" that come with being a yid, it doesn't make yiddishkeit any less beautiful. If I wasn't feeling well and ordered take out and my bill was $78, that's a pang because if I wouldn't keep kosher I'd be able to get 6 nuggets a fries and a soda for each kid at $1.99. The pang is there, but I'd never not eat kosher. It's just a fact of life similar to many other facts of life.

Elilove

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:16 pm

Chassidish and I did go and I don’t regret going for a second. Is it hard to hear baby cry? yes, very. But you go in prepared for what’s going to happen and you have people you can lean on for support and you know this is a great mitzvah and you’re okay. If you have a good mohel, the baby usually doesn’t cry that much. I didn’t realize that my baby’s Bris was done because he cried so little. Baby who has been on this earth for usually just about a week, and is going through something pretty scary, needs his mother, the only person he knows, to comfort him.

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:20 pm

Chassidish. Oh I was so young and naive with my first few boys. The bris was in another town a 1 to 2 hour drive away!
Of course I didn't go, it wasn't even offered as an option.
I'm many years older and I can't get over my younger self how I did that. Sending an exclusively nursing baby to another town and they didn't come back until after the seuda. Bonus points was that I got to sleep but I think it's crazy.

I'm pregnant now again with a boy and oh you bet I will be going.

Raisin

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:40 pm

Of course. I wanted to be able to nurse the baby as soon as it was over. I think I stood in a different room in deference to the minhag of women not attending. But close by.

And do fathers not care about thier child's pain?

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:47 pm

Raisin wrote:

I was thinking the same.

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 1:51 pm

Raisin wrote:

And do fathers not care about thier child's pain?

Maybe not the same way. Maybe because they themselves are proud to have a bris their concerns about the pain are muted. There are possible answers.

amother

Gold

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 3:54 pm

Not Chassidish, and didn't read the whole thread.

Just an insight someone told me the day of my oldest son's bris, and I'm so grateful to her - (In my circles we go to the bris but usually don't stay in the actual room while they do the bris)

She said, "Don't you want to be there for your son's first mitzvah?"

I'm so grateful I was there for both of my sons' brissim.

finallyamommy

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 4:25 pm

I am chassidish, and I went to my son’s bris. There was no question in my mind. He needed me right away afterwards.

amother

Marigold

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 4:31 pm

No
I’m Chasidish traditional.

I understand it as taking care of the mother. No need to get dressed up, a week after you gave birth it make’s perfect sense not to have the pressure of socializing. Now I know one is running on adrenaline and wouldn’t it be nice to greet everyone and the party is there and you are stuck at home. Yet self care is still more important.

Sometimes my aunts would come see me after the bris

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 4:33 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

The question is why does it have to be an official minhag and not a personal choice?

Plenty of women make big vach nacht's or a big kidush for a girl. So this doesn't hold up.

amother

Marigold

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 4:38 pm

[quote="[url=https://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=7004986#7004986]amother Gold[/
She said, "Don't you want to be there for your son's first mitzvah?"

I'm so grateful I was there for both of my sons' brissim.[/quote]

It is your husband’s mitzva

Sarcastic question ?do you want to be by your sons first mitzva after his chuppah?

Elilove

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 4:41 pm

amother Gold wrote:

Wow I was at my sons Bris but never heard it that way. That’s beautiful!

amother

Marigold

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 4:41 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

The question is why does it have to be an official minhag and not a personal choice?

Plenty of women make big vach nacht's or a big kidush for a girl. So this doesn't hold up.

Those big parties are choices.

I personally don’t agree with them. I respect all those who do it. I’ve never told anyone what to do.

I answered the op question the way I do things

YounginBP

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 4:49 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

It is your husband’s mitzva

Sarcastic question ?do you want to be by your sons first mitzva after his chuppah?

That actually may very well be either shehakol on water or natilas yadim for seuda.

Even if you meant what you did, it's nothing remotely similar to attending a bris. Eliyahu hanavi is there to heal the sick. The mother postpartum is a cholah too. No just the baby.

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:05 pm

I am chassidish some of my sons I went and some I didn’t
the reason one doesn’t go is that the mothers pain at hearing her sons cry shouldn’t erase the teffilat of everyone else for him.
Know plenty of ppl who go but don’t stay in the room to hear the baby cry during the Brit