Give master BDRM to parents?

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 5:45 am

What do they expect?
In many cases they are not expecting their own bathroom. They might not even have their own bathroom at home. Many parents coming to visit are totally fine with a clean room. Obviously in a small rented apartment the choices are limited.
Where would you put the children who normally sleep in the bedroom?
If the parents are the type to expect the master bedroom/bathroom then by all means….
Very often that is not what they are expecting. Just make sure to have nice linen and a perfectly clean room.

essie14

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 7:48 am

Neither my parents nor my in laws have an en suite bathroom in their own homes, so they definitely do not expect it.
and I cannot imagine them wanting to sleep in our master bedroom. They would never do it.
The first time I ever heard of such a thing was here on imamother.
When I was growing up my parents never, ever let anyone into their room except us children.
for sure no one ever slept in their beds.
We kids would double up and my grandparents slept in 1 of the kids bedrooms.
And I never saw any relatives doing this either.
None of my married siblings ever did this.
That's what a 2nd bedroom is for - guests. Attached bathroom or not.

amother

Broom

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 8:11 am

amother Birch wrote:

As parents of married children, I would feel very uncomfortable if my children would move out of their master bedroom. I wouldn't be happy taking away their room.

This. A married couple, even if one spouse is my child, has a right to privacy. I do not want my kids to give up their bedrooms.

I host a lot. I am fine with having people sleep in my house when we're not home. I don't have a super high privacy threshold, but a married couple's bedroom is off limits to everyone else.

If your guest accomodations are sub par, then do what you can to make the room comfortable.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 9:02 am

amother Honey wrote:

Im shocked that many here feel its not expected to give a parent their Master bedroom.

Id give parents the choice.

I gave a Kimpeturin dil, who doesnt have a mother to go to, our master bedroom.

We always gave Master bedroom to parents in law (my parents lived nearby) when they were alive.

Why are you shocked? If the guest bedroom is comfortable, clean and well stocked with whatever they need, why is it expected to give the master br?
If you CHOOSE to give a choice , that is your perogative but why judge others ("shocked").
If the master BR is on the top floor, the guest br is actually a better choice.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 11:22 am

I once stayed in someone's master BR (they weren't home) and I felt super uncomfortable about it.
My parents and in laws would feel very stupid if I gave them my bedroom. I think it's just awkward for everyone.

amother

Tanzanite

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:14 pm

Really depends on the circumstances. I know someone whose in laws are elderly and need an en suite bathroom so she gives them her bedroom when they come. It’s not inappropriate, it’s necessary. Use your judgment, OP.

smss

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:17 pm

amother Broom wrote:

Off topic but when you let people stay in your house when you're not home do you give them use of the master?
Someone asked me to do this a while ago and I didn't feel so comfortable having strangers in my bedroom...

amother

Tan

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:40 pm

My parents used to give their master BR to my maternal grandparents when they came (they were very particular people) but not to my paternal grandparents (they are more laid back)

when my parents come to me, I don't give them my master BR even though I would want to because my husband isn't comfortable with it. My brothers do give them their master when they go to them.

abbie

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:55 pm

It's a really kind of you to consider doing this. I was raised that a couples bedroom is a private, special place reserved for them. Personally, I would try my best to make inlaws comfortable in a guest room but the bedroom I share with my husband is our special place and I wouldn't give that to anyone else.

amother

Lightgray

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 3:30 pm

amother Honey wrote:

Why shocked? I'm not comfortable with anyone sleeping in my bedroom, regardless of who they are. And my parents & in laws would never be comfortable sleeping in our bedroom. We have a comfortable guest room, the beds there are more comfortable than our beds. And what's the big deal of them not having a bathroom in the room? It's fine. There's nothing wrong or shocking with not giving parents the master.
(I'd never dream of taking my mother's master bedroom as a kimpeturin.)

amother

Lightgray

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 3:31 pm

amother Honey wrote:

Am I the only one who thinks these comments are awful?

I havent even read one comment here that started with "My parents deserve anything and everything, but for this reason (blank) I cant give them the master bedroom. Not one.

This is puzzling.

What does the bolded have to do with giving them the master? Any comfortable room is great.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 3:42 pm

Better question- as a parent of married children would you expect or demand their Master BR? I personally would find it cringey to sleep there and prefer the guest br or childrens br. just saying.

amother

Broom

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 4:47 pm

smss wrote:

No, I don't give out the master bedroom.
We have other comfortable rooms.

rzab

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 5:32 pm

My father has anxiety about sleeping in other people's houses, so I do anything to make them comfortable when they come. One thing that he really needs to be comfortable is an ensuite bathroom which means the master bedroom. They just came for shabbos for the first time in 2 years and they slept in the master bedroom.

My kids ask why we give the master bedroom to my parents and not my in laws and my answer is because we want them all to come back. Bc my in laws would feel terribly uncomfortable with that situation

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 6:14 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

I wouldn't feel the need to do it just to give them an attached bathroom, but our master bedroom doesn't even have it's own bathroom so maybe I'm biased over sharing a bathroom not being a big deal.

I would do it only if the needed an accessible bedroom and the master was the only one on the first floor.

This. Lots of people don't have a master bathroom, I wouldn't give my room for that reason. I would consider for a compelling reason like mobility issues.

amother

Lightpink

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 7:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

We live in a small apt and DH parents will come stay with us for 48 hours.
Is it appropriate to give over our master bedroom/bathroom for them?
I feel silly staying there while they get to be in a (very nice) children’s room with no bathroom in the room.
Where do you put up parents when you don’t have a private area for them?

lucky you that you have parents/in-laws that you respect enough to consider giving up your room! its a big mitzvah

amother

Lightgray

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 7:50 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

lucky you that you have parents/in-laws that you respect enough to consider giving up your room! its a big mitzvah

Not giving parents/in laws the master bedroom, is NOT disrespectful. And giving the master is NOT more respectful. It's respectful to host and give them comfortable accommodations.